LINDSAYGEE.CA

Fitness programs, workouts and so much more to help you keep active, motivated and on track.

5 Emotions I Felt When My Child was Diagnosed with a Mental Illness

By

The battle to get my son into the mental health system seems like it lasted years. Because…it lasted years. From trying to manage his panic attacks and anxiety with books, online strategies, Dr. Google, school counselors, psychologists and waitlists up the wazoo (yes, wazoo), we fought for over 4 years.

He fought for four years. And, there’s guilt there – but I’ll get to that.

I learned a ton. I still need to learn a ton. But, I’m constantly asked why I’m so public about the process and why I share as much as I do.

Why? Because…how else can we create change? How can we force people to pay attention to the mental health epidemic (yes, EPIDEMIC) that is waging war on our kids? How else can I force the difficult conversations that I know need to happen?

I’ve always been authentic and true and brutally honest in my writing, so why would I start sugar-coating something as important as childhood mental illness?

The day my child was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety and depression will be forever engrained in my soul.

Here’s what I actually felt:

1. Relief. We’d been battling for so long and the relief was visible from my son when he heard his diagnosis. When he heard the words, he exhaled deeply and his little shoulders, that had held so much tension and stress for so long, relaxed just a little. His relief is my relief.

I was relieved not only for him, but because having a diagnosis gets him “in the system” and finally, finally, we were going to get the help and care he needs. Relief was a strong emotion, but not the strongest.

2. Sorrow/Anguish/Sadness. I group these words together because they relay the overall grief undertone of my reaction. I felt sad. Sad for my child. Sad for what he’s had to endure. Sad for the years he’s battled and won but that had caused his little body to shut down and let depression in. I began grieving the moments he didn’t have because anxiety held reign on his brain for so many years.

3. Dread. I was filled with dread. 100% dread. I wasn’t terrified for the medication the psychiatrist wanted to put him on. I was filled with dread for my son because I know the hard work real counseling involves. I know how draining it can be and I was so scared of the things that were to come for him. I wasn’t wrong to dread this. It’s been really hard. And, to be honest, being in the middle of it now, it hasn’t gotten better. I dread the sessions every week because I hate putting my son in a place so raw and scary for him.

And yes, I know they need to uncover and heal and dig in to the sensitive areas, but I can still dread it. I can dread walking into the room after his session and seeing his little face exhausted and sad. I’m allowed to dread that. You never, ever want to see your child suffer. And yes…I realize…short term pain, long term gain. I can still dread those moments. And I do. 100%.

4. Guilt. If I had pushed earlier. If I had not yelled at him on this day. If I had just a little more patience. If I had protected him a little better. If, if, if. Those if’s are going to get you. Hard. While I realize I’ve been a pretty okay Mom, there’s always the guilt of “maybe if I had _________, we wouldn’t be here”. For years my child battled. For years he suffered. And I wasn’t able to help him the way a Mom should help. Guilt. It’s a real bitch.

5. Anger. My son and I often talk about how much we hate anxiety and depression. We hate it. It takes control and we haven’t learned to tame it just yet. We hate it. So, when my kiddo was diagnosed, I was pissed at anxiety. I was pissed that these were the cards he was dealt because mental illness sucks and why, oh why, did my son have to get it?! Why him?

He’s a rockstar. Smart, kind, caring, sensitive. So I was pissed that this had to happen to him. That he had to battle the way he does. I was pissed because I knew the stigma associated to this and I was pissed because NO ONE was talking about it. NO. ONE.

So, what does one do when they’re pissed off and angry at a thing they have no control over? They create change. They ban together, with one another (mom and son), and go public. A decision made in the vehicle after diagnosis. A decision made because my child was relieved and overjoyed with being diagnosed.

My emotions were NOT his. I don’t think he truly knew the work he had to do to “get better” and I think that now, after some of that work has taken place, he may not be so thrilled with the diagnosis…but, I still believe his #1 emotion would be relief.

My #1 emotion? I couldn’t possibly say. All I knew was that I was going to have to be stronger than ever before…and I wasn’t at all wrong. If I thought panic attacks were hard…they aren’t anything compared to healing and working through the “stuff” my child needs to work through.

To all of you out there reading this and who have a child with mental illness, I guess I write this to say to you: embrace your emotions. Use them to fuel change. Use them to support, advocate and persevere through healing. Because this road is treacherous and you’re going to need any and all emotions to get you through.

They key? Any negative ones? You MUST turn them to fuel for change and you must somehow find the positive. You must. For yourself. For your child. For your family. They all need you.

We’ve funnelled our emotions into a campaign to raise funds for raising awareness for childhood mental illness. My son will help allocate the money raised and present it to organizations he believes are doing great work in the area of childhood mental illness. If you’ve yet to donate, please consider doing so. We’d be forever grateful. If you have donated already…THANK YOU!

Please continue to talk about this. It’s more important than you could possibly know.

CLICK HERE TO DONATE TO OUR CAMPAIGN to raise awareness for childhood mental illness. Thank you.

#PushingForAwareness UPDATE – And a Favor from Local Businesses, First Responders, Sports Teams and Families…

By

Our #PushingForAwareness challenge is going full-swing and currently, on Day 3 of the challenge, we have 48 people participating. We’ve raised over $2000 for organizations that help raise awareness and/or support childhood mental illness. With every pushup we do, my son seems to be just a little more proud of the work he’s doing.

We are far from our goal of $5000, but I am totally confident that we will get there. CLICK HERE to donate.

Owen and I after DAY ONE of 50 pushups for #PushingForAwareness

What do pushups have to do with childhood mental illness?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. But, it’s the conversations that we have while we post about the pushups or the daily facts I discuss live on my Lindsay Gee FB Page that help raise awareness.

It’s my son doing pushups at his baseball game and being supported by not only his coach, but by multiple teammates and having them ask why they’re doing pushups.

It’s people reaching out to me telling me that it’s because of something they heard during the campaign that a lightbulb went off and they realized that maybe, just maybe, their child is experiencing anxiety and it isn’t just “bad behaviour”.

We’re making a difference. And, the conversations are starting.

So, there’s the update. 48 people participating and fundraising for #PushingForAwareness. $2090 raised. $5000 is the goal.

How can you help?

Well, if you’re a local business and you’d like to sponsor a day’s worth of pushups, THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! We will tag your business on FB and if you’d like, we’ll come to your business and do the pushups WITH YOU on a day that works for you.

So? Fire departments, RCMP, grocery stores, clothing stores, local spas and ANY local business who would like to sponsor a day for #PushingForAwarness…we’re game. We challenge you to 50 pushups. We’ll go live and support your business for helping us support kids and families battling childhood mental illness.

Please share this with any local (Victoria, BC and area) business, first responders, sports organizations or even families that you think could sponsor us and that you think would fun “pushing” with us. We’d love to learn more about you so people can learn more about childhood mental illness.

Please email me at lindsay@lindsaygee.ca more more info!

To all who have donated…thank you. Thank you so very, very much. We are humbled by your generosity. So far, the money raised will be allocated to Buddy Check for Jesse, Head & Heart SK, Stigma Free and Family Smart. The more money we raise, the more help we can give.

If you’ve yet to donate, there’s plenty of time! CLICK HERE to donate to our campaign…and thank you in advance!

xoxo

Linds

Have You Tried a Fasted Workout? Here’s Why & How You Should

By

Have you heard of fasted workouts? It’s okay if you haven’t, but it’s becoming a more well-known practice and is definitely a not-so-hidden secret for fitness trainers. So, here’s the scoop on doing a fasted workout.

What exactly is a fasted workout?

As with any conversation in the fitness industry, there is mixed information out there for you on what a fasted workout actually is. You’ll read a lot of articles that suggest at least 3 hours after any type of meal before you workout, but a true fasted workout would be a workout done after at least 6 hours without any food ingested.

Some suggest as much as 18 hours of fasting, but if you’re just starting, let’s start slowly, shall we?!

Personally, my fasted workouts range from 10-12 hours after my last meal. I don’t eat after 8pm (unless there’s’ wine, then all bets are off) typically and I workout around 7am every morning.

What are the benefits of fasted workouts?

Fat burning. A lot of people have heard to do fasted workouts because of its magical power of fat burning. And, they’re not wrong. Starting your workouts in a fasted state allows your body to start burning fat faster for energy. This is a trained result, so don’t expect immediate results (as with all things fitness).

A quick lesson on how your body gets energy: Your body breaks down sugar for energy. Insulin is released to drag sugar into the cells to be converted to energy (sugar can’t go directly into the cell, it neeeeeeds insulin). After about 6 hours of fasting, your body enters a fasting state and quickly burns off stored sugar and moves on to breaking down fat, converting it into ketone bodies to be used for fuel.

During a fasted workout, if done correctly, you start your workout already getting some of your energy from fat. You’re already in a fat-burning “zone” and can increase your fat burning with a workout in this fasted state.

Insulin levels decrease. Excess insulin in your body is not good for you, in fact, it results in fat gain and can lead to Type 2 Diabetes. How can you decrease your insulin levels? Fasting works. So does exercise. Pair them together and BOOM…you’re an insulin decreasing ninja!

Exercise performance. We walk around carrying a huge energy supply in the form of fat. However, our bodies first burn sugar for energy and once that sugar is depleted, it’ll move into burning fat for energy. By doing fasted workouts, you train your body to tap into fat burning faster. You’re really just training your body to tap a different energy supply sooner. So, you train your pathways to train your body. Fun!

I like to call this metabolic flexibility. When your body can bend and twist and find different ways to get energy faster, you’re metabolically flexible and you get to burn a lot more fat during your workouts.

Muscle and brain fountain of youth? Okay, I could start spouting off about a bunch of different hormones, brain-derived neurotropic factor and muscle regulatory factors but I think I may lose you. So, let’s just say by exercising while fasted you may lay down some new neurons and new muscle cells. Basically by doing this type of workout you’re keeping your brain, neuro-motors and muscle fibers young.

Do’s & Don’t of Fasting Workouts

If you’ve never fasted before, please try fasting before you combine fasting with a workout! You need to train your body to tap into your fat stores and that takes time. So, allow your body time to train and figure out how to tap that fat quickly!

Start slowly. Try doing a walk or hike or an easy workout while fasted before you try any type of interval workout. You need to see how you feel and again, you need to train your body and get used to working out in a fasted state.

Do not do a long duration fasted workout. If you’re planning on a long run or anything over 40 minutes, you’re going to want to fuel properly before your workout/event/race. Your body does need fuel for those longer duration workouts, so a fasted long run is a terrible idea.

Eat after your workout. This is particularly true if you’re doing a weight session. Your body needs protein to help build and repair the muscles you destroy and tear to shreds (you beast!) when you strength train, so you need to refuel with a healthy meal after your workout. So eat all the good stuff.

Listen to your body. This is probably my best piece of advice. If you feel faint or nauseous while doing a fasted workout…STOP! Today is not your day. You can try again another day, but go eat an apple, drink your water and let your body catch up.

#PushingForAwareness: 50 Pushups for 50 Day to Raise Awareness for Childhood Mental Illness

By

First and foremost, I need you to know that this entire campaign has been approved by my son. He has read every word, seen every image and approved every step of the creation and planning of this campaign.

Why is this important? Because although I dedicate this campaign to both him and his sister, the story is his and I want to respect his journey.

So kids, this one’s for both of you.

The journey of mental health with my son has been heart-breaking and exhausting, to say the least. His panic attacks began when he was in grade 2 and it is only because we had an incredible teacher (thanks, Shaye Sanford) who recognized what was going that we were able to label what was happening as a panic attack and not just “bad behavior”.

We battled panic attacks and anxiety for years, but this 10th year of his young life has been the most difficult. My son is the kindest, funniest, most incredible kid and to watch him go through what he went through…well…it takes a toll on a parent’s heart and soul. And, apparently, it wears a kid down neurologically and leads to childhood depression.

It was during this past year that I discovered a serious lack of resources in the area of childhood mental health. My son was in crisis for over 6 months and we were put on numerous waitlists. It took us over 4 months to get in to see a psychiatrist.

Every day my son would ask “are we off the waitlist?”, “can I go see a doctor now?” and every day I had to disappoint him and say “not today, buddy, I’m sorry”.

As he battled this illness with grit, determination, heart and a will to overcome, I watched my son in awe and admiration. How could he continue to put himself into a situation of panic and anxiety?

How?

Because he believed he could overcome and beat anxiety. Some days he did and some days he didn’t. But every day I was beyond proud of him. I’ve never ever seen an adult battle anxiety like my son battled anxiety. He was and is a true warrior.

These months have taken a toll on everyone in our family. My son started to have a minimum of 3 panic attacks per week. Long, 3-hour panic attacks. After every attack, he was exhausted. As his mother, I was left depleted, feeling inept and judging myself as a horrible mother who didn’t know what she was doing.

But, it wasn’t until my son started to have “sad days” that his Dad and I really started to advocate and battle for our son. Sad days are scary. Sad days will knock the air out of a parents’ lungs and will rip a heart to shreds. Sad days…are terrifying. During sad days, I would give anything, ANYTHING for a 3-hour panic attack.

I began pushing for answers. Researching. Trying to find resources to help educate ourselves as parents. I tried to find support for my child, my family, myself. I was confused and at a loss. I had no idea where to get support. Waitlists were awful. Waiting was awful. Watching your son day after day struggle IS awful.

The lack of resources for parents is a major concern.

The lack of resources for kids is a major concern.

So, what can I do?

Pushups. I can do pushups.

I realize pushups won’t do anything, but maybe if I do 50 pushups for 50 days in super random places, I can help. Maybe if 100s of people join me and do 50 pushups for 50 days, maybe…just maybe…more discussion on childhood mental health will happen.

#PushingForAwareness

This is a campaign for my son. This is a campaign to raise awareness for childhood mental health and to get people talking.

I want to raise $5000 for this cause and find resources that need the money to do their good work. I am supporting Buddy Check for Jesse, an organization I love and adore for their work in mental health in sport, Head & Heart SK who are trying to #EndTheStigma and any other organization I find along this journey that I feel aligns with my desire to help in the area of childhood mental illness.

Please donate, if you can. We’d be forever grateful. CLICK HERE to donate to help us raise awareness for childhood mental illness.

I will not fail my son.

If you believe in this and in what I’m trying to do, please donate or join the team. I would absolutely LOVE to make a difference in this world for my son.

I am standing for him and all the other kids and their families going through what we’ve gone through. I am your warrior and I will fight for you. Believe that.

If you need me, I’m here. Please reach out.

Are We So Independent That Our Friends Are Scared To Tell Us They Support Us?

By

“Not that you need it, but I want to let you know that you have my full support…”

This was the beginning of a message I recently received from a dear friend and my immediate thought as I read that first sentence was: “I sure do need your support. I need you to shout it from the rooftop. I need you to shout in my face over and over and over again that you support me.”

Why? Because…life is hard. Big decisions are harder. When you’re the person making said big, big, big decision, knowing someone supports you, has your back and believes you is EVERYTHING.

Sure, I don’t need your support, but I sure do want to hear it if you have it to give! GIVE IT UP. Tell me. Tell me you support me. Repeatedly. Like, all day. Tell me all day that you support me.

I’m pretty sure I speak for most people who’ve made a big decision in life. If someone reaches out and supports you, you don’t think “Fuck off, I don’t need your support”. You think “Oh jeez…thank you for telling me”.

If you see someone has made a big decision, don’t just think “well, they don’t need to hear that I support them, they’re a big girl/guy – who am I to give them support?” TELL THEM. Always tell them!

Sure, sure…they’re empowered and strong people. They’re smart and don’t “need” your support, but honestly…speaking as someone who just made a big decision, who agonized over it and jumped and let the world know, who’s strong and independent and super smart (yes, I am)…I definitely don’t “need” support, but sheesh…when you give it – it’s everything. It’s validation and relief. It’s acceptance and love. It’s…there’s no other word…it’s everything. Simple as that.

Your support gives us a little boost of confidence. It makes us feel like maybe, just maybe we’ve done the right thing. When you make a big decision, you’re full of doubt, worry, guilt and all sorts of other gory, self-defeating thoughts…

So yeah…you reaching out to say “Hey friend, I support you” could mean the world to them. Do you hear me? THE WORLD.

It did to me.

Don’t doubt your own power to give confidence. Dole that shit out all the time. Sprinkle your support everywhere. And if someone is offended by your support…give them a hug and a swat on the butt…just to throw them for a loop and move on with your day. You supported in a world where support is rarely given on an individual basis.

So, friend…thank you for supporting me. Most importantly…THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME YOU SUPPORT ME.

Do that. All the time. Support one another. Use your words, my friends, words of support mean more than you could ever know.