mental health Archives - LINDSAYGEE.CA

Parents: Your Kids Know More About Mental Health Than You – Get With The Program

January 18, 2020 By Lindsay Gee Leave a Comment

I was going to title this piece:

“Why?” – The question that almost made me lose my cool.

But, after some thought, the other title is better and hopefully many, many parents will read this as a way to grow their knowledge base around mental health and mental illness.

This week, my son (diagnosed with panic disorder, social anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder and depression) had a hard week. We’ve been doing really great for a few months but were warned that anxiety will creep up on you, punch you in the face, sit on your chest and demand attention at some point. That moment happened this week. Shoot. But, we’re a team and we stand together as he fights through his panic.

Team Owen – fighting one attack after the other with strength and love.

I have two scenes to share with you:

Scene 1:

Panic attack city. It started at home where my son demonstrated all of his anxiety “tells”. Tongue moving side to side, feet marching in place, pale, welling tears in his eyes.

Now, we don’t allow anxiety to rule our house and as long as my son is moving forward – I go with him. He gets a ride to school with a wonderful friend – he couldn’t get in the car. So, I ended up driving him to school because anxiety doesn’t win and I don’t allow him to let it, so WE GO TO SCHOOL.

He panics in the car. I finally get him inside. He panics in the school. I get him into the counselor’s office. He panics in the office. This has now been 1.5 hours.

He is battling HARD. He won’t let go of me. We breathe. We distract. We talk. We distract. And finally, he lets go of me and we can sit quietly for a second. We decide to go to the library to sort books – we distract.

At the library, there is a class reading. I move away from my son to talk to the librarian – who obviously doesn’t know how to handle kids with anxiety but is FULL of compassion and says “whatever he needs”.

But then, we ask permission from the adult in charge of the class and she says “You want to bring him in here like THAT?! – I mean, I guess – but *shrugs* – that won’t look good for him.”

Um…excuse me – pardon?

I leave it alone and go back to my son – but oooooooh, what I would have loved to say.

My son begins to engage with the librarian. She is wonderful. Distraction is key during panic attacks – engage another part of the brain. The school counselor (the unsung heroes of the education system) asks if my son would like a friend. He says “Oh yes, please” and asks for a compassionate, beautiful, warm, supportive friend he has (I adore this friend).

I told him I would get him (you see, I need to distance myself from my son during a panic or it rolls and rolls). I get to his class and see them inside, but the door is shut. So I knock. Behind me, a support staff asks what is happening and I tell her my son is having a panic attack and would like a friend.

Adult: “Why?”
Me: “Why what?”
Adult: “Why is he like that?”
Me: “He has a mental illness and he’s battling right now.”
Adult: “That’s weird. That must be embarrassing to be crying like that.”
Me: —

At that point, the teacher (she’s wonderful) came to the door, got my son’s friend and I didn’t have to reach over and strangle anyone. Back to the library – distraction in place (hello, book sorting ftw!) and support friend beside him.

BAM. That is how we do it! THAT is how we conquer a massive panic attack at school.

Scene Two:

I have a job with the Stigma-Free Society where I get to go to schools and talk about mental health/illness with our Children’s Mental Health Program (we also have a Stigma-Free Zone School presentation for older grades students in grades 7 – 12). It’s wonderful because I get to use my son’s experience to help kids learn, relate and know they’re not alone.

*And yes – he has given me permission to tell his story – thank you very much.

This week I got to speak with the sweetest Grade 4/5 class. I was warned they were a little rowdy, but they were wonderful.

Me: What do you think you can do if you see someone who is crying or upset?
Student: Ask them if they’re okay. Share your warmth.

End scene.

Isn’t that the most beautiful answer?!?!

Ask them if they’re okay. Share your warmth.

The difference between these two scenes caught be so off-guard this week, I’ve struggled to comprehend the incredible gap in compassion and understanding between adults and kids.

Kids win. Hands down.

Keep cool all of you adults who ARE educated and are starting to get mad at me for not acknowledging you – I’m not talking to you. There are many of us who are in the middle of this, fighting our way to get noticed and get attention to help educate those that are not. I salute you. I do. BUT – for the most part – our generation and the one before us SUCKS at understanding mental health issues.

No disrespect meant AT ALL – but it’s the truth. We grew up in an era of “get over it”, “suck it up”, and “get ahold of yourself”. It’s time to learn what this generation is now learning.

Compassion and understanding. Kindness. Warmth.

I love that I get to go into schools and talk about mental health and stigma. I love that I get to help this generation be the change and create safe places for people battling mental illness to exist and thrive.

Adults, please – get with the program.

If you’re unsure how to handle mental illness, the best place is for you to start using the word “mental illness” and start de-stigmatizing it. It’s nothing to be ashamed of or feared – the KIDS – they get this. But most adults, my lovelies…COME ON.

Educate yourself. Learn a little. No, learn a lot. Especially if you work with, coach or are around children and youth. Mental health matters and while a lot of the kids who are worrying and are nervous are not diagnosed with a mental illness – you can help them through their worrisome days with compassion, support and many, many strategies – BUT – you need to educate yourself.

If you ever see a child in a panic – please know there may be no specific moment that they’re upset about. Please know they would choose to be anywhere but in their brain at that time. Please know they can’t answer your WHY because they are fighting for their lives at that moment.

But to clearly answer the question of “WHY are they acting the way they are”? …it’s simple…

It’s called mental illness and they’re a f**king warrior fighting for peace at that moment.

So:

Share your warmth.

It’s so very simple.

Share. Your. Warmth.

The Importance of #GreenTape to Help Educate and Raise Awareness for Mental Illness

October 6, 2019 By Lindsay Gee Leave a Comment

I’m not even sure how to begin to write this post. So, I figure if I just let my heart speak, this will go okay.

As most of you know, my son Owen has a mental illness. After years of supporting my son as he battled massive panic attacks, I finally got him into our mental health system (more rage-writing required on that topic, but that’s not for this post) and with medication and a kickass counselor, he’s doing a lot better this year.

Don’t get me wrong. He battles every day. Every. Day. And how exhausting that must be for a 10-year old. But, the battles seem smaller and shorter and I think he is now able to catch his breath between fights. So…we’re winning. Well, we’re learning. We’re learning to battle smarter, stronger and quicker. We’re learning to shrink anxiety and call it out for its bully-ways.

All that to say…we’re doing better. But…we still battle. He doesn’t “look” like a kid that battles mental illness, does he? But…please know. He. Battles. Every. Day.

A few days ago I learned that Owen’s team had been asked to play a short game at the intermission of the Boston Bruins Alumni vs Victoria (and area) Firefighters) charity game hosted by the Umbrella Society. Now, I had not thought that this would lead to anxiety because it’s for fun and we’re pretty good when things are just for fun. BUT…what I did think was “Jeez…this would be a good opportunity to spread the word about Buddy Check for Jesse“.

For those that don’t know about Buddy Check for Jesse, it’s an initiative that was started by the force that is Stu Gershman, in memory of his son Jesse Short-Gershman, who died by suicide. Stu started Buddy Check as a way to honour his son and help his other sons grieve and grow through the loss. Buddy check provides packages to hockey teams, with coaches notes, green (the color for mental illness) tape, posters, wallet cards and bracelets. Buddy check provides a way for coaches to discuss what it means to reach out to team members who may be struggling to support one another, how to check in on one another and what to look for. Buddy Check brings the topic of mental illness and mental health into the dressing room and I don’t think that’s ever been done before.

This “green tape” initiative made a HUGE impact on Owen. Huge. He even ran a campaign for Buddy Check and raised $2500 this year for them, which we were told will help fund about 85 teams. That’s 85 teams that get this information because of my son’s efforts. So, yeah…I’m kinda proud of that.

I digress.

With the Boston Bruins Alumni game happening last night, yesterday morning I thought “hey…I wonder if I can get the teams to put green tape on their sticks for the game?” It was last minute. But, I told my son my thought and the look on his face told me I HAD to make it happen.

A few posts to facebook, a few texts, a few emails, a few “please, please, please, please let me make this happen”. Then, a quick drive around town to get the green tape, promo material and all things Buddy Check for Jesse…and it was in the hands of the Grizzlies office. Thank you, Sheryl Williamson – I am forever grateful.

I had to walk away from the office and just hope it worked out.

We showed up at the game last night an hour early (kids playing at intermission show up early) and saw the Firefighters warming up. I was nervous to look at their sticks because…what if there was no tape? How would I explain to my kid that I didn’t make it happen? The pit in my stomach was huge.

I took a breath, looked up…and there was a sea of green. Almost every single firefighter had taped their stick. Right then and there I did a weird little hop of joy thing I do and had a little cry. I hugged my kid and said, “you are so important!”.

Then the Bruins came on the ice. Although not as many sticks were taped…SOME WERE…but you know what I saw? I saw the handles of sticks taped and I saw the tape used as sock tape…HOW AWESOME?!

The fact that the players learned about what the green tape stood for – sticking together to support mental health in sport – and they stood up and showed their support for this? Well, COME ON, how is a Mama NOT going to lose her ever-loving mind in gratitude. Super cool event alert – one of Owen’s coaches (thank you, Brandon Meyer!) explained to a guy with an inside track to meeting Ray Bourque that Owen was there and what the green tape stood for…and Ray Bourque said he’d meet my kiddo and we got this picture. Hello Ray Bourque!

I don’t even think a lot of the players understood how important this was. But for my son, who declared yesterday in the car as we were dropping the green tape to the Grizzlies office that Buddy Check for Jesse is “25% of his entire life”…this means something.

I support and advocate for Buddy Check for Jesse because it impacted our lives more than one could possibly ever know. And now, if I can help Stu and his team impact even one more child, the way that our family has been impacted, I will 100% do it. Every time.

To the players of the games last night – thank you. You may think what you did was very small, but please know that it wasn’t. It wasn’t at all. It showed this Mom (that’s me) that this is important and that I need to continue to fight for education and I need to continue to advocate for all the kids out there who might see a green stick and feel supported and heard…and not minimized.

I need to continue to push and spread the Buddy Check for Jesse word because what Stu and Buddy Check does matters more than I could have ever imagined. I need to keep shouting from the rooftop because the memory of Jesse means a lot and although I did not meet him, he is certainly a big part of my life and I know, I JUST KNOW, he’s looking down on all of this with pride. I can feel that.

The official Buddy Check for Jesse weekend is happening Oct. 26/27. Most South Island Atom, PeeWee and Bantam teams will receive packages AND because of donations through the BC Amateur Sport Fund, we can add even more teams to the 1100 already sponsored. If you’d like to donate to support a team, please do so…every $30 funds one team. PLEASE CLICK HERE to donate.

Long post. Sorry. It was kind of a big night and I’m a bit emotional. One last thank you to the Grizzlies for helping make this happen. Thanks to my Mom Hive who pointed me in the direction and thanks for the many hugs I received last night in support of my son and all the green tape out there. I’m not alone, and I have the hockey community to thank for it.

Also – Owen – you’re a fucking rockstar and I love you so very much.

My Child Has Mental Health But He Also Has a Mental Illness

June 24, 2019 By Lindsay Gee 2 Comments

When my child was diagnosed with a mental illness I was constantly talking about mental health. I was confusing the two terms and replacing “illness” with “health”, mostly because I cringed every time I used the term “mental illness”.

You see, there’s still a stigma around those words, even for a Mom who has been advocating for her son for years and years. I just couldn’t seem to easily say the words “my son has a mental illness”. It was easier to say “I’m raising awareness for mental health” or “I’m pushing hard for my son’s mental health to be taken care of”.

Until one day my son corrected me.

We were talking about the campaign we are doing called #PushingForAwareness where we committed to completing 50 pushups for 50 days to raise awareness for childhood mental illness. BUT…when we first started the campaign I kept saying we were “raising awareness for childhood mental health”.

My son asked, “Is there a difference between health and illness”? I paused, because in that moment I realized I needed to get over the stigma and educate properly.

I told him that we were raising awareness for childhood anxiety and depression.

“And those are illnesses, right? So we should say that we’re raising awareness for childhood mental illness because that’s what we’re doing”, he said.

“You’re right, buddy. You’re 100% right. We’re raising awareness for childhood mental illness.”

You see, everyone has mental health but not everyone has mental illness.

Your mental health slides on a continuum – some days you could have good mental health and other days you could have bad mental health. Stress, sleep, nutrition, life, in general, all lend a hand in dictating your mental health. But mental illness? Well, that gets diagnosed by a professional.

You may notice now that in the live videos we do for our daily pushups that my son introduces it as “raising awareness for mental illness” and after a few weeks, I no longer cringe at those words. I’ve grown accustomed to them and appreciate the power behind them.

I was feeling pretty baffled by my reaction to the words mental illness, but I’ve accepted that it was all based around the stigma we are currently battling. Even though I’ve been battling and I’ve been fighting for my son, I needed to wrap my head around the terms. They’re just words, but wow…words hold power, don’t they?

The more I’ve used the words, the easier it’s gotten. It’s not that I’m ashamed of his diagnosis at all, it’s not that I felt the need to hide it (obviously…sheesh we’re running a whole campaign on it), but I did need to address my cringey reaction to those two words.

And, the answer truly was stigma. It’s a long battle ahead of us to de-stigmatize the word. I know this because even as a true and huge advocate for mental illness, I shirked away from using the correct term for my son…and that’s the problem.

I realize more than ever that the work we need to do to help in the area of destigmatizing (is that even a word?!) the words “mental illness” is massive. However, I also know you can get the heck over it because I have done just that.

So, say it with me “MENTAL ILLNESS”.

My child has a mental illness.

I can say it now and I actually stand a little prouder. I may even throw a shoulder shimmy at you because it’s not scary at all. It’s actually pretty damn empowering.

My son called me out on not addressing the issue and using the incorrect term and I couldn’t be more proud of him. He’s not embarrassed by it and he continues to have the amazing conversations about mental illness with adults, friends and random people in the grocery store. So who am I to stand in his way?

If you haven’t checked out his campaign to raise awareness for mental illness, please do so! We have ONE WEEK left and we’re about $1300 short of our $5000 goal.

CLICK HERE TO DONATE!

#PushingForAwareness: 50 Pushups for 50 Day to Raise Awareness for Childhood Mental Illness

May 1, 2019 By Lindsay Gee 1 Comment

First and foremost, I need you to know that this entire campaign has been approved by my son. He has read every word, seen every image and approved every step of the creation and planning of this campaign.

Why is this important? Because although I dedicate this campaign to both him and his sister, the story is his and I want to respect his journey.

So kids, this one’s for both of you.

The journey of mental health with my son has been heart-breaking and exhausting, to say the least. His panic attacks began when he was in grade 2 and it is only because we had an incredible teacher (thanks, Shaye Sanford) who recognized what was going that we were able to label what was happening as a panic attack and not just “bad behavior”.

We battled panic attacks and anxiety for years, but this 10th year of his young life has been the most difficult. My son is the kindest, funniest, most incredible kid and to watch him go through what he went through…well…it takes a toll on a parent’s heart and soul. And, apparently, it wears a kid down neurologically and leads to childhood depression.

It was during this past year that I discovered a serious lack of resources in the area of childhood mental health. My son was in crisis for over 6 months and we were put on numerous waitlists. It took us over 4 months to get in to see a psychiatrist.

Every day my son would ask “are we off the waitlist?”, “can I go see a doctor now?” and every day I had to disappoint him and say “not today, buddy, I’m sorry”.

As he battled this illness with grit, determination, heart and a will to overcome, I watched my son in awe and admiration. How could he continue to put himself into a situation of panic and anxiety?

How?

Because he believed he could overcome and beat anxiety. Some days he did and some days he didn’t. But every day I was beyond proud of him. I’ve never ever seen an adult battle anxiety like my son battled anxiety. He was and is a true warrior.

These months have taken a toll on everyone in our family. My son started to have a minimum of 3 panic attacks per week. Long, 3-hour panic attacks. After every attack, he was exhausted. As his mother, I was left depleted, feeling inept and judging myself as a horrible mother who didn’t know what she was doing.

But, it wasn’t until my son started to have “sad days” that his Dad and I really started to advocate and battle for our son. Sad days are scary. Sad days will knock the air out of a parents’ lungs and will rip a heart to shreds. Sad days…are terrifying. During sad days, I would give anything, ANYTHING for a 3-hour panic attack.

I began pushing for answers. Researching. Trying to find resources to help educate ourselves as parents. I tried to find support for my child, my family, myself. I was confused and at a loss. I had no idea where to get support. Waitlists were awful. Waiting was awful. Watching your son day after day struggle IS awful.

The lack of resources for parents is a major concern.

The lack of resources for kids is a major concern.

So, what can I do?

Pushups. I can do pushups.

I realize pushups won’t do anything, but maybe if I do 50 pushups for 50 days in super random places, I can help. Maybe if 100s of people join me and do 50 pushups for 50 days, maybe…just maybe…more discussion on childhood mental health will happen.

#PushingForAwareness

This is a campaign for my son. This is a campaign to raise awareness for childhood mental health and to get people talking.

I want to raise $5000 for this cause and find resources that need the money to do their good work. I am supporting Buddy Check for Jesse, an organization I love and adore for their work in mental health in sport, Head & Heart SK who are trying to #EndTheStigma and any other organization I find along this journey that I feel aligns with my desire to help in the area of childhood mental illness.

Please donate, if you can. We’d be forever grateful. CLICK HERE to donate to help us raise awareness for childhood mental illness.

I will not fail my son.

If you believe in this and in what I’m trying to do, please donate or join the team. I would absolutely LOVE to make a difference in this world for my son.

I am standing for him and all the other kids and their families going through what we’ve gone through. I am your warrior and I will fight for you. Believe that.

If you need me, I’m here. Please reach out.