LINDSAYGEE.CA

Fitness programs, workouts and so much more to help you keep active, motivated and on track.

How Buddy Check for Jesse Saved Our Family Through Green Tape & Conversation

By Leave a Comment

Our journey with Buddy Check for Jesse started a year ago. It was one moment in time, one talk in the hockey dressing room, one game with green tape…and it changed the entire course of my son’s and my life.

If you haven’t read about our first experience with Buddy Check, please CLICK HERE and read that article first (I swear, it’s a good one).

Quick background: My son has been battling panic attacks since grade two. Thankfully we had an amazing teaching (forever grateful to Shaye Sanford) who identified his behaviour and asked if maybe, perhaps, have you ever wondered: “do you think he may have anxiety?”.

This is the face of anxiety – FYI – anxiety doesn’t “look” like anything in particular.

From there we battled. We met with counsellors, got on waitlists, were told he wasn’t “sick enough” yet. For years. His panic attacks worsened. They lengthened and they became more frequent. My son, fairly open about his anxiety, always asked me to talk to his coaches and let them know what was happening and what they could do.

So, I always have. We are brutally open about his anxiety and his panic attacks. It scares some people, but I figure…get over it and learn how to help. It’s not about you, it’s about illness and my son and how you can help coach a child who may need to be coached with understanding…so let me help you support my son.

Our coach last year was the best coach ever in the history of all coaches. His Buddy Check talk in the dressing room – about how to support one another, how to reach out, what to look for – was the best ever. He spoke about mental health challenges and how to be a safe place for your friends and family. Me? I was a weeping wreck as I listened…because this was the first time EVER I’d heard a coach talk about mental illness and how to support someone…let alone in a stinky hockey dressing room.

It was freakin’ incredible.

That moment changed our lives. From that moment, I had more courage to talk about my son’s battles. I received more support from the parents. My son received more support and understanding from his teammates. And, he continued to open up and talk, talk, talk about his mental illness.

His anxiety led to depression and although he spoke about his anxiety, he continued to battle…hard. He experienced 5-7 panic attacks that lasted 2-3 hours every week. He battled. And that, well now…that will fatigue a nervous system and eventually, it led to depression.

Finally “sick enough”, we managed to get him in to see a psychiatrist and he was officially diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses.

As he fought to recover from his illnesses, he began to focus on how to further educate about mental illness, how to further help people understand to not fear what he has to go through…and his focus went to Buddy Check for Jesse. He loves everything Stu Gershman created in loving memory of his son, Jesse Short-Gershman.

He raised $2500 for Buddy Check this year and continues to raise money through the sales of his t-shirts and hoodies (more info on how to support that HERE).

But, Buddy Check didn’t just help my son. It helped our entire family. Buddy Check was the platform that my son was able to stand on and have a purpose. He claims that Buddy Check is 25% of his life. It means that much to him and he continues to raise awareness for it.

For me…I used to quietly battle on my own, but since Buddy Check, I know I have a support system. I continue to educate…and frustratingly, sometimes my words fall on deaf ears, but I will continue to force the issue.

Buddy Check opened conversations in our family. It opened doorways to healing. It opened acceptance to lean. It opened a willingness to take a breath, accept what is, battle stronger and recover quicker.

You’re asking…seriously…one little speech in one little dressing room by one coach did all that? And I can, 100%, say yes. Yes, it did.

Last year, Buddy Check for Jesse packages were given to about 200 teams. This year, they were able to provide packages to over 1100 teams. CAN YOU IMAGINE the impact they are having right now? The Buddy Check for Jesse weekend wrapped up last weekend and it was a sea of green at most of the Bantam and PeeWee teams across BC, as well as some other province, per their request. There were also some Atom teams involved, as well!.

Stu – you’ve become a dear friend of mine and I am so honoured to help spread the good work you’re doing in any way, shape or form that I can. What you and your family have had to endure is heart-breaking and I cry with you. But, I also fight. I fight beside you and I will help bring this incredible initiative to the masses.

Because, Stu…you saved my family in more ways than you could ever possibly imagine. I am not alone. My son is recovering. We all have a purpose. And it is ALL because of green tape and short talk in a stinky hockey dressing room.

Jesse, I didn’t have the honour of meeting you but you are locked in my heart forever. I will support your family to spread the work and education that is being done in your memory as best I can. You mean a great deal to me and my family – and for that I will push and fight and battle for you.

#BuddyCheckforJesse – thank you.

For for more information on Buddy Check for Jesse, please go to www.buddycheckforjess.com.

To purchase one of Owen’s “Anxiety” hoodies or t-shirts, please CLICK HERE.

The Importance of Buddy Check for Jesse for Our Family (and yours)

By Leave a Comment

Last night my son got to meet the man behind Buddy Check for Jesse. To say it was an emotional night would be an understatement. At least it was for me.

If you’re unfamiliar with Buddy Check for Jesse, it is an organization that brings mental health awareness to sport. Buddy Check is most known for the “Green Tape” initiative where kids tape their sticks with green (the color for mental illness) tape during the last week of October. It’s an incredible way to raise awareness and start conversations about mental illness – what it can look like, how to support, how to check on your friends, etc.

Most importantly was the message our coach talked about in the dressing room. The message of checking on your friends, of reaching out if you see someone struggling…of reaching out if you ARE struggling. It’s this message that created the environment in which my child could vocalize what he goes through and feel supported by his coach and his teammates. The green tape was a tool for the conversations. Now, every time Owen sees green tape, he feels supported thanks to the words of his coach.

Buddy Check for Jesse came into our lives last fall and it changed both my son’s and my life. It may seem like a fairly simple thing to do…tape a stick…but it was the conversations, the openness, the support received during this initiative that brought strength to both my son and me to speak out about what my son goes through (recently diagnosed with several types of anxiety and depression).

My son has always been open about talking about his mental illness – he does not know that this is uncommon – but Buddy Check seemed to really hit his heart and soul and light it on fire. He became braver, more vocal, more proud of overcoming his anxiety and – seemingly, more accepted.

Since the Green Tape initiative in October, Owen has talked openly about his mental illness as he battled hard all season. It was a very difficult season for us, but I believe he felt supported, accepted and honoured by his teammates and coaches. His openness to speak about what he goes through still humbles me and the messages he speaks constantly patch my heart back together and make me so very proud.

His main message: You’re not alone. You’re supported.

I mean…seriously. He’s 10.

During Owen’s 50 for 50 campaign to raise awareness for mental illness, we knew a large portion of the funds raised would go to Buddy Check for Jesse. Last night we were able to meet Stu and his wife and Owen donated $2500 to Stu and the work being done at Buddy Check for Jesse.

Last night I watched my son, shy at first, hand over his hard-earned money to a cause he truly believes in. As the evening progressed, I saw my son open up, be silly, and engage with Stu and Niki and I was just so proud. He even read an entire article OUT LOUD to them about how his dog helps him cope with his mental illness.

At one point Stu turned to me and said: “You’d never think he has a mental illness, would you?”. And we both just smiled at one another and shrugged our shoulders…because we know. We know mental illness looks like the kid or adult next door. The silly one, the quiet one, the loud one, the extrovert, the introvert, the sporty, the shy…mental illness does not “look” like anyone in particular.

In our case, it looks like a ridiculously kind, sweet, smart, funny, sometimes loud (aren’t they all?) 10-year old. For Stu, mental illness looked like a smart, kind, loving son. You simply cannot look at someone and know the battles they must wage to live the life they live.

Owen was given the gift of acceptance, grace and education through Buddy Check for Jesse and honestly, it was this initiative that helped me through an extremely difficult season. Knowing that there are many other parents out there advocating for their kids, knowing I wasn’t being judged, knowing that this is a big enough issue for someone out there to be fighting for awareness…I held that in my heart daily as we battled.

Owen was given gifts from Stu and Niki last night that took my breath away. I will keep those private, but I know Owen will cherish his gifts forever.

As we drove home from meeting Stu, on Jesse’s birthday, we had a bigger conversation about depression – a topic we haven’t discussed much. He had a lot of questions and I could see him grappling with the loss Stu and his family feel. Once again, we keep learning and growing because we talk about it. We talk and talk. I am honest and open with my son – hiding facts won’t help. So, he asked the questions I think he may have been nervous to ask before. I answered and I cried. When we got home, he was the one to come to me in our driveway and give me a hug.

My son is incredible. He battles 3-hour panic attacks, he makes it through “sad days” and he advocates for others to reach out and find support. He raised over $5000 to raise awareness for mental illness and he isn’t done. He wants to do more. So we will. Apparently forever.

The fact that my son, at 10, is using his own mental illness to let others know they aren’t alone, to raise money for organizations that help bring awareness and to not even think twice about sharing what he does – it humbles me and makes me want to be a better person for him.

Stu – Thank you. Out of tragedy and heartbreak, please know you’re helping so much. I am sorry for your loss, with my entire heart and soul – but we promise to continue to talk. We promise to educate and support and help as much as we can so others can find the light again. We will be here fighting our own battles all while drawing a sword to stand strong for others.

Owen, my son – you are the strongest person I know. I hope you know the strength and power you have inside you – but when you don’t – I’m here – arms wide, heart open and fighting for you.

Facts About Mental Illness that You Absolutely Need to Know

By 1 Comment

With five days left of #PushingForAwareness, I continue to be humbled by my son and his non-stop desire to raise awareness for childhood mental illness.

He has done 50 pushups for 46 days now (well, he still needs to get his done today but to be fair, it’s currently 5:12 am, so I’ll give him some grace here) to raise awareness and funds for childhood mental illness. Throughout this campaign, he has raised over $4000 and with 5 days he is bound and determined to reach his goal of $5000.

To donate: https://fundly.com/50-for-50-pushup-challenge-for-childhood-mental-health-aware-50-for-50-pushups-challenge

After battling for over 4 years, my son was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, panic disorder and depression. He is 10 years old. He has officially called his mental illness “Dickson”. We hate Dickson.

Over the past 46 days of #PushingForAwareness I have learned a lot about mental illness and I thought I would share some of the most shocking stats I discovered.

Facts About Mental Illness:

  • 1 in 7 kids has a mental illness.
  • 1 in 5 actually gets the help they need.
  • 24% of all deaths in 15-24-year-olds are caused by suicide.
  • 49% of people who feel they have suffered from depression have never gone to a doctor.
  • On average, there has been a 188% increase in emergency room visits from 2007 to 2018 for ages 5 to 24 (229% increase for ages 5 – 9).
  • Untreated anxiety often leads to depression. Depression rarely (if ever) leads to anxiety.
  • 4.4 million kids have been diagnosed with anxiety, 1/3 of those have depression (32.5%).
  • 100% of Canadian will be affected by mental illness at some point in their life.
  • Mental illness is the #1 disability affecting people around the world. READ THAT AGAIN. NUMBER ONE.
  • 6% of the Canadian healthcare budget is dedicated to mental illness; that number should be closer to 30% to account for the people with disabilities and mental illnesses.

If you think that mental illness is not a “real” issue in this world, think again. The great thing? There is help now and if we get our kids help NOW, they may not have to battle their entire lives. If we get our children help NOW, they may not experience depression and the darkness that brings to their lives.

If we get our children help NOW, we’re arming them with tools and strategies to fight their illness with all they are. They may need medication, they may need strategies, they may need counseling…DO IT ALL.

My son wants you all to know that he will continue to push for awareness far after this campaign is done. He’s already asked what we are doing next to help…he has his mind set on creating “Dickson Sucks” sweatshirts…I kind of adore that idea.

We’re pretty damn bonded, this kid and I. xo
\

I hope these facts are staggering to you. I hope these stats are eye-opening. I hope the friggin’ government reads this and all the other stats out there and opens their damn eyes to the help that is required for the people suffering who needn’t be suffering.

There is help. There are medications. There are people who can support mental illness. I’m one of them and I will fight Dickson beside my son until the day Dickson shrinks to a manageable size for my son or I die. I prefer the non-dying option.

If you have a child that you feel is suffering from anxiety, depression or any other mental illness, the best resource I’ve found is called FamilySmart. They put you in contact with a leader in your area that can help you navigate through the over-worked system that is mental health and find the resources available to you. Please reach out to them at www.familysmart.ca.

My Child Has Mental Health But He Also Has a Mental Illness

By 2 Comments

When my child was diagnosed with a mental illness I was constantly talking about mental health. I was confusing the two terms and replacing “illness” with “health”, mostly because I cringed every time I used the term “mental illness”.

You see, there’s still a stigma around those words, even for a Mom who has been advocating for her son for years and years. I just couldn’t seem to easily say the words “my son has a mental illness”. It was easier to say “I’m raising awareness for mental health” or “I’m pushing hard for my son’s mental health to be taken care of”.

Day 7 of #PushingForAwareness

Until one day my son corrected me.

We were talking about the campaign we are doing called #PushingForAwareness where we committed to completing 50 pushups for 50 days to raise awareness for childhood mental illness. BUT…when we first started the campaign I kept saying we were “raising awareness for childhood mental health”.

My son asked, “Is there a difference between health and illness”? I paused, because in that moment I realized I needed to get over the stigma and educate properly.

I told him that we were raising awareness for childhood anxiety and depression.

“And those are illnesses, right? So we should say that we’re raising awareness for childhood mental illness because that’s what we’re doing”, he said.

“You’re right, buddy. You’re 100% right. We’re raising awareness for childhood mental illness.”

You see, everyone has mental health but not everyone has mental illness.

Your mental health slides on a continuum – some days you could have good mental health and other days you could have bad mental health. Stress, sleep, nutrition, life, in general, all lend a hand in dictating your mental health. But mental illness? Well, that gets diagnosed by a professional.

You may notice now that in the live videos we do for our daily pushups that my son introduces it as “raising awareness for mental illness” and after a few weeks, I no longer cringe at those words. I’ve grown accustomed to them and appreciate the power behind them.

I was feeling pretty baffled by my reaction to the words mental illness, but I’ve accepted that it was all based around the stigma we are currently battling. Even though I’ve been battling and I’ve been fighting for my son, I needed to wrap my head around the terms. They’re just words, but wow…words hold power, don’t they?

The more I’ve used the words, the easier it’s gotten. It’s not that I’m ashamed of his diagnosis at all, it’s not that I felt the need to hide it (obviously…sheesh we’re running a whole campaign on it), but I did need to address my cringey reaction to those two words.

And, the answer truly was stigma. It’s a long battle ahead of us to de-stigmatize the word. I know this because even as a true and huge advocate for mental illness, I shirked away from using the correct term for my son…and that’s the problem.

I realize more than ever that the work we need to do to help in the area of destigmatizing (is that even a word?!) the words “mental illness” is massive. However, I also know you can get the heck over it because I have done just that.

So, say it with me “MENTAL ILLNESS”.

My child has a mental illness.

I can say it now and I actually stand a little prouder. I may even throw a shoulder shimmy at you because it’s not scary at all. It’s actually pretty damn empowering.

My son called me out on not addressing the issue and using the incorrect term and I couldn’t be more proud of him. He’s not embarrassed by it and he continues to have the amazing conversations about mental illness with adults, friends and random people in the grocery store. So who am I to stand in his way?

If you haven’t checked out his campaign to raise awareness for mental illness, please do so! We have ONE WEEK left and we’re about $1300 short of our $5000 goal.

CLICK HERE TO DONATE!

How to Stay Calm & Help Your Child During Their Panic Attack

By 1 Comment

Panic attacks are horrible. If you’ve ever experienced one, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t had one yourself, perhaps you’ve seen someone go through it. Or, perhaps you haven’t at all experienced a panic attack, in which case, consider yourself very lucky.

Panic attacks look different for everyone. Some people feel like they’re about to die. That is not an exaggeration. Their heart rate increases, breathing rate increases, they feel hot, nauseous. Often times, if they’ve never had an attack before, they’ll end up in the hospital. They honestly feel like they are about to take the Big Dirt Nap.

Other panic attacks present in anger, rage and physical outbursts. Others in crying, sobbing and “overly emotional” outbursts.

There is no one-size-fits-all for a panic attack, so if you feel like your child may be experiencing anxiety or panic, please reach out for help.

My son battles massive panic attacks. When he was officially diagnosed with panic disorder, I thought “No shit”. Counseling is helping and the “great” thing is that my son experiences panic attacks with the counselor and she has validated the extent of his attacks for me.

“Linds, his attacks are massive. These are not small on any scale, these are incredibly large”.

Why did that validate? Because there is no guide to panic. I felt like his attacks were huge and terrible and awful, but when a professional says that to you, you simply feel…validated. Like, yeah…okay…I thought so, but I don’t know what others go through, so I thought they were terrible and now it’s confirmed, they’re fucking awful.

And no, it doesn’t matter. My son’s attacks are his and comparison is useless. But validation, for me as a parent, was huge.

Why? Because during his attacks I feel useless, helpless and terrible. I often lose my temper and my patience and I get super frustrated. When I see one coming on, I feel the need to suit up in full armour and get ready to battle. Again. No exaggeration. I honestly feel the need to protect myself, mentally and emotionally, every time I see an attack coming on.

Knowing that these attacks are atypical and “extreme” somehow validates that this is HARD. Not only for him, but also for me as his Support Warrior. I’ve learned about what to do during a panic attack from my son, and I wanted to share my experiences with you.

This may or may not help you, but I can at least share what works for me and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find even a little tidbit to help you feel a little more supported in the lonely role this is Support Warrior.

The #1 thing I want you to remember is:

Your child is battling dragons during a panic attack and they have NO TIME to reason with you. I repeat, they have NO TIME to reason with you. No time to breathe and “calm down”. NO TIME to talk things out with you. No. Time.

THEY ARE BUSY BATTLING DRAGONS AND COULD DIE IF THEY DON’T FOCUS ON BATTLING DRAGONS.

via GIPHY

So…they make very little sense. THEY ARE BUSY.

Don’t tell them to breathe. Don’t tell them to calm down. Don’t tell them that they’re being ridiculous.

Be there. Tell them they’re safe. Tell them you’re with them. Tell them you love them.

Try super hard to not lose your shit because THEY WILL MAKE ZERO SENSE during a panic attack and often times that is 100% infuriating.

My son battles for hours. And in that time he makes no sense. His elbow pad will feel off and awaaaaaaay we go. Panic city. How can an elbow pad set off a panic attack? It can’t…it’s something tangible his worry can focus on and blame. But trying to reason that it’s the same elbow pad he’s put on for a year doesn’t help him.

Frustration WILL set in because panic can’t be explained or reasoned.

Here’s what you need to remember and here’s how to stay calm during your child’s panic attack:

#1 – As mentioned – remember that all reason is out the window. Think of their mind as having two zones – reason and panic. If panic is switched on, reason is eclipsed. If reason is switched on, panic – hovers (I wish it were eclipsed, but mental illness doesn’t work like that). But, if you can remember that when in a panic, your child is very busy battling…it helps. There is zero reasoning. I cannot stress this enough. Zero.

#2 – Remember that the words said aren’t personal. As hard as this may be, your child is going to say things you don’t want to hear. DO NOT OVERANALYZE what they say. Leave that to the counselors. Let the words float over you and do not grab hold of one sentence and cling to that with worry. It’s useless. Let the words float over you and leave them in the panic once it’s over.

#3 – Breathe. I know I told you to not tell your kids to breathe, but that’s because they’re in a panic. They physically cannot take time to breathe during an attack, they’re busy (remember – DRAGONS!!). But, you can breathe. And, if your child practices breathing exercises (NOT IN A PANIC) they will mirror your behavior and not even know it.

You know how you yawn when someone else yawns? Breathing is the same. So, if you start taking big deep breaths, eventually your child will mirror the breathing (if they’ve practiced) without even knowing it.

So breathe. For you. For them. Breathe.

#4 – Step away for a few minutes if you need to. If you feel like your patience is about to break, you need to step away. Even just a few feet if they won’t let you leave the room to gather yourself. Tell yourself your can do this. Breathe. Roll your shoulders. Have a wee cry. Then, stand tall, be brave and face the panic with a fresh outlook. It takes about 30 seconds, but it’s worth it. Meet panic with love. Meet panic with acceptance.

#5 – Try the strategies taught to you. Try them all. All the time. My son used to get so mad at me when I tried to distract him (one of the strategies taught to battle panic attacks). He’d say “MOM…I KNOW what you’re doing and stop it. It’s not working and I hate it. Just STOP IT!”. Smart little shit.

But, another time it would work. So, I always tried. Then I’d try the next. Then the next. Then the next. Sometime he’d get so mad at me, but at least it distracted him a bit from the panic. Not only do the strategies help your child, but it also helps calm you down. It gives you something to do.

Think about all the things you have in your toolbox. Use every tool. Mentally go through what else you can do. It’s a great way to distract yourself and focus on helping. It will make you feel better and calmer because at least you have some control about what you can do and say. Control helps. Trust me.

At the end of the day, the best thing you can do to remain calm during a panic attack is to remember: that’s not your kiddo, that’s the panic. Your job is to bring your kiddo back. Your job is love and support and let them know they’re safe and that you’re there.

You’re going to get frustrated. You’re going to get pissed. You’re going to want to reason. You’re going to HATE anxiety. And, that’s okay. Go on and hate it. But not during an attack. Your child is too busy battling dragons to also battle you. So breathe. Know that this panic won’t last forever and your child will come back to you. Support, love and support again.

BONUS TIP:

If you lose your temper – please don’t beat yourself up. If you snap or yell or throw your hands up in frustration – you’re not the first person in a support role to do so. It’s a tough, tough position. It’s exhausting and disheartening. So, if you lose it every now and then – hey – holy shit – you’re human. It’s okay. You’re a rockstar and your child’s safe place…an honor and a curse, I swear.

So lose you mind. Rage, get frustrated…then calm the heck down and get back to breathing and distracting and loving. It all helps. Be kind to yourself. This is tough stuff. But, you can do it. Trust me. I’ve done it so many times and every time I think “Shit…I really fucked that up”…but every time my son tells me how grateful he is for me. Every time we get through it. Every time it ends.

Be their safe place.

BONUS TIP #2:

My last piece of advice is this: If you have a child that has panic attacks and you are their safe place, you need to go to counseling yourself. You cannot handle all that happens during a panic attack on your own. You cannot listen to the words your child says without an outlet to talk to and some strategies to help you “let the words float by you”. You’re going to need help, strategies and support.

Just like your child needs you, you need someone to help you. You need to lean and learn how to process the attacks. So, please find help. I don’t say this lightly, I mean it with every cell in my body.

To sustain the strength required to help your child through a panic attack, you need professional help, counseling and your own strategies.

Good luck out there, Support Warriors. I’m with you. Day in and day out. We will breathe and not reason with our children during the attacks. And we will hug and love them up after they’re through it. And those hugs? They’re the best hugs ever. E.V.E.R.

Reason comes later…with counseling and help. Trust me. You’ll get there. I think.