Healthy Family Archives - LINDSAYGEE.CA

Too Tired to Give a F**k

June 14, 2019 By Lindsay Gee Leave a Comment

I was recently at an overnight camp with about 50 Grade Five students and I’ve realized some things just never ever change:

The girl drama is still rampant and the goss (that’ gossip for all you oldies that don’t know what it means) is still flying, big time. The dialogue is everything. And, I mean…like, everything.

“OMG…she said ______”.

“And then I was like ________”.

“So then I ________”.

“OMG can you believe that?”

As I sat there and listened to the drama I remembered feeling all those emotions. I thought to myself “Man, everything is just so BIG at that age”. Even the discussion about who took whose shoes and who knocked on whose doors…they’re big. Big problem. Big drama. So. Much. Energy.

I found myself rolling my eyes and thinking “Jesus, this is what they worry about?“.

Then, I checked myself. I was the same when I was their age. The little problems were BIG problems. That one sentence you said about so-and-so can determine how life will go for the next few weeks and if you screw it up…you may find yourself sitting alone at recess. It’s odd…but…it’s not abnormal. Don’t even get me started on the riveting game of Truth or Date.

I truly believe that it’s not only confidence and discovering who we are that aids in our ability to not give a flying fuck about what is said about us. I think we’re just tired.

“Omg…she said ______”...something I totally don’t give a fuck about.

“And then I was like_____”… okay…you go do you, I’ll be over here trying to figure out how to squeeze 25 hours into this day.

“So then I ______”…stopped at Tim Horton’s and picked up an XL coffee to help me through the day.

“OMG can you believe that?”…Yup, totally can and totally don’t care.

The dialogue changes when you’re older. The big things aren’t big and you let a lot more slide off your back.

People will constantly try to pull you down, put you down, make you feel shitty…and I’m just so very tired that I truly don’t have the energy to fight against them. I don’t want to and I don’t care. I don’t have the energy.

I need to conserve my energy for the shit that matters. The time spent worrying about the shit said about me is, well, a waste of my precious energy. So, I let it fly because I simply don’t have the energy to give to that kind of chatter any longer.

Go ahead and talk your talk and do your thang, Little Miss Gossip. Me? I’m just over here trying to raise kind humans, inspire a nation and lead by example….on a thread of the energy I used to have to worry about whether “OMG…she’s wearing the same shirt as I am!”

Sure, I’ve screwed up, made mistakes, etc…but I’m also too tired to give a fuck about anything that doesn’t help me move and grow as a human any longer. I have no time for the bullshit and want to only surround myself with people who bring the good energy back into my world. I’m too tired to give a fuck about the rest of it.

Truly. In my 41st year of life…I finally get it. And, I have complete and total fatigue to thank for it. Thank you bone-deep fatigue for truly allowing me to focus on the important stuff in my life and let the other shit go. It is quite liberating. For once, I truly see the benefit of getting older…and being tired.

How to Stay Calm & Help Your Child During Their Panic Attack

June 12, 2019 By Lindsay Gee 1 Comment

Panic attacks are horrible. If you’ve ever experienced one, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t had one yourself, perhaps you’ve seen someone go through it. Or, perhaps you haven’t at all experienced a panic attack, in which case, consider yourself very lucky.

Panic attacks look different for everyone. Some people feel like they’re about to die. That is not an exaggeration. Their heart rate increases, breathing rate increases, they feel hot, nauseous. Often times, if they’ve never had an attack before, they’ll end up in the hospital. They honestly feel like they are about to take the Big Dirt Nap.

Other panic attacks present in anger, rage and physical outbursts. Others in crying, sobbing and “overly emotional” outbursts.

There is no one-size-fits-all for a panic attack, so if you feel like your child may be experiencing anxiety or panic, please reach out for help.

My son battles massive panic attacks. When he was officially diagnosed with panic disorder, I thought “No shit”. Counseling is helping and the “great” thing is that my son experiences panic attacks with the counselor and she has validated the extent of his attacks for me.

“Linds, his attacks are massive. These are not small on any scale, these are incredibly large”.

Why did that validate? Because there is no guide to panic. I felt like his attacks were huge and terrible and awful, but when a professional says that to you, you simply feel…validated. Like, yeah…okay…I thought so, but I don’t know what others go through, so I thought they were terrible and now it’s confirmed, they’re fucking awful.

And no, it doesn’t matter. My son’s attacks are his and comparison is useless. But validation, for me as a parent, was huge.

Why? Because during his attacks I feel useless, helpless and terrible. I often lose my temper and my patience and I get super frustrated. When I see one coming on, I feel the need to suit up in full armour and get ready to battle. Again. No exaggeration. I honestly feel the need to protect myself, mentally and emotionally, every time I see an attack coming on.

Knowing that these attacks are atypical and “extreme” somehow validates that this is HARD. Not only for him, but also for me as his Support Warrior. I’ve learned about what to do during a panic attack from my son, and I wanted to share my experiences with you.

This may or may not help you, but I can at least share what works for me and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find even a little tidbit to help you feel a little more supported in the lonely role this is Support Warrior.

The #1 thing I want you to remember is:

Your child is battling dragons during a panic attack and they have NO TIME to reason with you. I repeat, they have NO TIME to reason with you. No time to breathe and “calm down”. NO TIME to talk things out with you. No. Time.

THEY ARE BUSY BATTLING DRAGONS AND COULD DIE IF THEY DON’T FOCUS ON BATTLING DRAGONS.

via GIPHY

So…they make very little sense. THEY ARE BUSY.

Don’t tell them to breathe. Don’t tell them to calm down. Don’t tell them that they’re being ridiculous.

Be there. Tell them they’re safe. Tell them you’re with them. Tell them you love them.

Try super hard to not lose your shit because THEY WILL MAKE ZERO SENSE during a panic attack and often times that is 100% infuriating.

My son battles for hours. And in that time he makes no sense. His elbow pad will feel off and awaaaaaaay we go. Panic city. How can an elbow pad set off a panic attack? It can’t…it’s something tangible his worry can focus on and blame. But trying to reason that it’s the same elbow pad he’s put on for a year doesn’t help him.

Frustration WILL set in because panic can’t be explained or reasoned.

Here’s what you need to remember and here’s how to stay calm during your child’s panic attack:

#1 – As mentioned – remember that all reason is out the window. Think of their mind as having two zones – reason and panic. If panic is switched on, reason is eclipsed. If reason is switched on, panic – hovers (I wish it were eclipsed, but mental illness doesn’t work like that). But, if you can remember that when in a panic, your child is very busy battling…it helps. There is zero reasoning. I cannot stress this enough. Zero.

#2 – Remember that the words said aren’t personal. As hard as this may be, your child is going to say things you don’t want to hear. DO NOT OVERANALYZE what they say. Leave that to the counselors. Let the words float over you and do not grab hold of one sentence and cling to that with worry. It’s useless. Let the words float over you and leave them in the panic once it’s over.

#3 – Breathe. I know I told you to not tell your kids to breathe, but that’s because they’re in a panic. They physically cannot take time to breathe during an attack, they’re busy (remember – DRAGONS!!). But, you can breathe. And, if your child practices breathing exercises (NOT IN A PANIC) they will mirror your behavior and not even know it.

You know how you yawn when someone else yawns? Breathing is the same. So, if you start taking big deep breaths, eventually your child will mirror the breathing (if they’ve practiced) without even knowing it.

So breathe. For you. For them. Breathe.

#4 – Step away for a few minutes if you need to. If you feel like your patience is about to break, you need to step away. Even just a few feet if they won’t let you leave the room to gather yourself. Tell yourself your can do this. Breathe. Roll your shoulders. Have a wee cry. Then, stand tall, be brave and face the panic with a fresh outlook. It takes about 30 seconds, but it’s worth it. Meet panic with love. Meet panic with acceptance.

#5 – Try the strategies taught to you. Try them all. All the time. My son used to get so mad at me when I tried to distract him (one of the strategies taught to battle panic attacks). He’d say “MOM…I KNOW what you’re doing and stop it. It’s not working and I hate it. Just STOP IT!”. Smart little shit.

But, another time it would work. So, I always tried. Then I’d try the next. Then the next. Then the next. Sometime he’d get so mad at me, but at least it distracted him a bit from the panic. Not only do the strategies help your child, but it also helps calm you down. It gives you something to do.

Think about all the things you have in your toolbox. Use every tool. Mentally go through what else you can do. It’s a great way to distract yourself and focus on helping. It will make you feel better and calmer because at least you have some control about what you can do and say. Control helps. Trust me.

At the end of the day, the best thing you can do to remain calm during a panic attack is to remember: that’s not your kiddo, that’s the panic. Your job is to bring your kiddo back. Your job is love and support and let them know they’re safe and that you’re there.

You’re going to get frustrated. You’re going to get pissed. You’re going to want to reason. You’re going to HATE anxiety. And, that’s okay. Go on and hate it. But not during an attack. Your child is too busy battling dragons to also battle you. So breathe. Know that this panic won’t last forever and your child will come back to you. Support, love and support again.

BONUS TIP:

If you lose your temper – please don’t beat yourself up. If you snap or yell or throw your hands up in frustration – you’re not the first person in a support role to do so. It’s a tough, tough position. It’s exhausting and disheartening. So, if you lose it every now and then – hey – holy shit – you’re human. It’s okay. You’re a rockstar and your child’s safe place…an honor and a curse, I swear.

So lose you mind. Rage, get frustrated…then calm the heck down and get back to breathing and distracting and loving. It all helps. Be kind to yourself. This is tough stuff. But, you can do it. Trust me. I’ve done it so many times and every time I think “Shit…I really fucked that up”…but every time my son tells me how grateful he is for me. Every time we get through it. Every time it ends.

Be their safe place.

BONUS TIP #2:

My last piece of advice is this: If you have a child that has panic attacks and you are their safe place, you need to go to counseling yourself. You cannot handle all that happens during a panic attack on your own. You cannot listen to the words your child says without an outlet to talk to and some strategies to help you “let the words float by you”. You’re going to need help, strategies and support.

Image from The Happiness Project

Just like your child needs you, you need someone to help you. You need to lean and learn how to process the attacks. So, please find help. I don’t say this lightly, I mean it with every cell in my body.

To sustain the strength required to help your child through a panic attack, you need professional help, counseling and your own strategies.

Good luck out there, Support Warriors. I’m with you. Day in and day out. We will breathe and not reason with our children during the attacks. And we will hug and love them up after they’re through it. And those hugs? They’re the best hugs ever. E.V.E.R.

Reason comes later…with counseling and help. Trust me. You’ll get there. I think.

The One Question That Made Me Stop & Exhale Gratitude

June 11, 2019 By Lindsay Gee 2 Comments

I was scrolling through Facebook the other day and I read a post that a friend of mine had shared. The final sentence caught me off-guard because rarely do we ask ourselves the truly hard questions.

I read and re-read the last sentence in the post. I made myself a coffee and I went and sat in my backyard on the swing. I thought and I thought about the answer to the question asked and exhaled a breath of gratitude when my answer was “Yes.”

The question was simple but thought-provoking:

If you died today, would you be happy with how you lived?
– Sheri Bialecki

You see, the past few years have been extremely difficult. My child was suffering, my marriage was broken, my business was extremely stressful and I had become someone I didn’t recognize (or like). If that question was presented to me a year ago, my immediate answer would have been “NO”.

But today, after careful thought and consideration, my answer is “Heck YES!”.

I’ve made some huge and hard changes in my life. I stepped back from a business I created and loved with all my heart. I still love it and will always support it, but my path is a new one now.

My marriage is getting stronger every day and there is laughter back in our home.

My child is getting the help he needs.

But, the best part? The best part is that I can breathe again. I’m doing things that make me happy. I’m doing things that help people…maybe not on the empire-building scale I was previously working towards – but on a level that fills my heart and soul.

I have time to sit with my kids and laugh and play. I have remembered how to be silly and light. I get to say “fuck” and not be judged…and if I AM judged…I don’t give a fuck…you’re probably not my people, so move along.

I’m comfortable with who I am as a Mother.

My heart and soul.

I’m comfortable with who I am as a wife.

He does exist. Proof.

I’m comfortable with who I am as a professional.

Pretty much how I look doing fitness program design…every time.

I’m even comfortable with who I am as a friend and I cherish those near and dear to me.

Taking more time to be with my amazing friends.

I’m comfortable. And, although not every day is rainbows, hearts and glittery unicorns (if only!)…if I was to die tomorrow, I would be happy with how I lived my life.

Though, I would regret never getting to Africa. That’s still a big one to check off.

I’m on the other side of a few really shitty, shitty years. But, I’m stronger and smarter and more dedicated because of it. I know who my true friends are and I know I can count on them. I know I’m a good Mama doing the best I can.

I also know I’m a good person and although I may have made mistakes in the past, I’ve grown and learned and become the person I am today.

I’m the person that inspires hundreds (thousands?!) of people to love themselves.
I’m a safe place for my child who needs a whole lot of love.
I’m the place my husband comes for love and support and laughter when he struggles with his own “stuff”.
I’m silly and quirky and loud and shy.
I’m the person you can, 100%, turn to should you need a shoulder and/or a swift kick in the ass.
I’m the person you can go to for a laugh or to sit and feel supported.

I get to be a lot of things for a lot of people. And, I’m finally in a place where I can choose who to allow in and who to keep out. I’m at a place where I get to live my best days with joy, hard work and a ton of perseverance.

I’m at a place where if I were to die tomorrow, I’d smile down (or up?!) at all of you (even the assholes) and wish you well. Oh yes, my answer would have been so different a year ago. So, I exhale gratitude for the trials I’ve survived and the place I stand in this moment.

I truly am a lucky woman.

#PushingForAwareness – Update on Our Campaign to Raise Awareness for Childhood Mental Illness

June 10, 2019 By Lindsay Gee 2 Comments

We’re over halfway through our campaign to raise awareness for childhood mental illness and we’re still pushing away. Today is Day 30 of 50 and we’ve completed 50 pushups every single day so far.

Here’s a little background on #PushingForAwareness:

My son battles severe panic disorder, generalized anxiety, social anxiety and depression. He’s 10 years old and he’s been battling for a good 4 years now. Over the past year (before psychiatric diagnosis), he had to battle harder than I’ve seen anyone battle for anything.

After being on multiple waitlists and months and months of asking “Can I get help today, Mom?”, he was finally seen by a psychiatrist and diagnosed with his mental illnesses. He was prescribed medication to help him battle and he’s been rockin’ his meds for six weeks now.

We have great days and we have terrible days, but at the end of each day, I know he’s getting better. Although the hard days are extremely exhausting and heart-crushing, the good days are more frequent and help to restore our energy and our broken hearts.

While we were trying to get my son help, I found a serious lack of resources. No, that’s untrue. There are loads of resources, but I had no idea where to look. I had no idea how to help my son and I truly didn’t want to simply take advice from Dr. Google. This was my son we were talking about, he deserved real medical help.

I also found that supporting my son through the dark, dark times was extremely lonely. I often felt judged, alone and terrified. I didn’t know where to turn to get support. I was unaware of the resources available to families fighting for a loved one with mental illness.

But, we fought daily and while we fought, I found my son wanted to talk about what was happening to him and learn as much as he could about his brain. I also discovered his desire to educate.

One of the cool things about my son is that he is very, very open about his mental illness. If you want to talk to him about it, all you have to do is ask. He also loves to educate people on it. His teammates, his coaches, our family, his friends, etc. He wants people to understand what mental illness can look like and wants people to not be scared of it. He wants people to talk about childhood mental illness.

So, we created #PushingForAwarness to not only raise funds for organizations dedicated to raising awareness for mental illness but more importantly, to ensure the conversations about childhood mental illness are happening. We committed to 50 pushups for 50 days to help raise funds to support organizations we love that help kids and their families battle mental illness.

The Update:

As of today, we’re on Day 30 of 50 and we’ve crushed 50 pushups for 30 days. The goal is to continue on for 20 more days. We have raised over $3000 so far, but we have a ways to go to meet our goal of $5000.

We’ve done pushups at baseball practice, in the early morning, late at night, and this weekend, with the Victoria HarbourCats.

We’ve also talked and talked and talked about childhood mental illness and I’ve gone Live on Facebook almost daily with current stats on people battling mental illness around the world and the lack of funding, support and knowledge.

I’ve been criticized for being so open about my son’s illness but I find that one of the most empowering pieces of feedback. I ask for my son’s approval for every piece I write and he approves all of it. If he terrifies others by being so open, then I think we’re doing something right. People are scared that he talks about this so openly.

Let them be terrified. We will continue to talk. And me…I will continue to be the most proud of all the Mama Bears out there.

I’m beyond proud of my son for the effort he puts in every day with this campaign. He’s inspired so many. And, he supports others raising awareness for mental illlness. This past weekend, we met up with an Oak Bay Councilor who rode a stationary bike to promote Ride, Don’t Hide. It was great for my son to see that others are also working hard to raise awareness and funds for mental illness.

He’s the reason elementary school kids started randomly doing pushups on the playground and having a conversation about childhood mental illness. He’s the reason I’m writing the scary truth about mental illness day after day after day. He’s the reason so many people have donated to our campaign, or become fundraisers themselves.

He’s the reason for all of this and is kicking some serious ass.

We have 20 days left. 20 days to raise another $2000. 20 days to do 1000 more pushups. 20 days to talk and talk and talk and talk about childhood mental illness.

But…if you think we’ll be quiet about it after the campaign is done…you’re wrong. We’ll continue to talk. I hope you will, too.

Where does the money raised from #PushingForAwareness go?

As we’ve gone through the campaign, we’ve found four organizations that support mental illness and feel are a good fit.

They are:

Buddy Check for Jesse
Head & Heart SK
Stigma-Free Society
FamilySmart

Once the campaign is finished, Owen will decide how much money will go to each organization and present his donations to each. I can’t wait for that.

There’s the update, my friends.

1500 pushups done. 30 days. $3320 raised.

All to support and initiate conversations about childhood mental illness.

If you’d like to donate, please CLICK HERE. We’d appreciate any and all donations. Any amount helps and we’d be incredibly grateful to you for your support.

And please…share this campaign on your social. Please help us keep the conversations going and the donations coming in.

Thank you for your support, your kinds words and all the love you’ve sent us along the way. My son continues to battle daily and I stand beside him, sword drawn, battling his demons for him on the days he can’t. I’m proud to do it. I’m honoured to do it. But, he’s the real hero. He overcomes daily. He fights harder and has more grit and determination than any adult I know. He’s the coolest 10-year-old out there…and he’s the reason this campaign is going so well.

Thank you. Truly. Thank you for all of your support. xo

5 Days Of Health & Fitness Tips: Day FIVE – Energy Adjustment Required

June 7, 2019 By Lindsay Gee 2 Comments

As most of you know, my son battles mental illness. Hard. This week has been particularly hard and I find myself exhausted, depleted, a little bruised and in need of a regroup.

While his panic attacks are not at all about me, as his support warrior, the energy required to help him is incredible. While I wouldn’t change who he is for an instant, even this shitty illness we’ve waged war on, I find myself searching for a way to fill up my bucket.

So, these tips are selfish tips. These are things I am going to do over the weekend so I can recharge and be ready for baseball on Sunday – an anxiety trigger, for sure.

Childhood mental illness is hard. These are the faces of two people who are over it for the week. — How we feel about his anxiety this week.

If you’re feeling a little blue, a little down, a little defeated right now…please join me and let’s energize together for a few days.

Here are 5 ways I’m going to rest and recharge:

#1 – Sleep. My days are very, very busy. And although I work from home, the demands are incredible. I am a “stay-at-home” Mom but I also have a full-time job. In order to fit both titles in, I start working at 5 am (sometimes earlier) and typically don’t go to bed until about 10:30 pm.

That’s not enough sleep. I know that. Don’t lecture me. LOL.

So, this weekend, I’m going to sleep. Although I won’t be able to sleep in, I wake automatically at 5 or 6, I will go back to bed when I’m tired. This usually comes at about 10 am. So I promise myself to go back to bed and have a nap this weekend.

I’m going to nap!

#2 – I need some time with my bestie. No one knows me better than my best friend and no one makes me laugh and relax better than her. We’re going to get together, let the kids do whatever the heck they want, catch up on the Bachelorette (mindless tv that makes me cringe is my jam) and have a glass of pinot grigio (or 3).

I will laugh. I may cry. But at the end of our time together, my soul will be lighter and happier. That is the magic of my best friend. She’s mine…you’re going to have to get your own.

#3 – I’m going for a run. Running is a meditative time for me. Not on purpose, it just happens. I put my earbuds in, crank my country music (judge away, I grew up with it and it makes me happy) and I let my mind rest. T

This weekend I will do a nice little 8k run. More often than not, I come up with my next idea for my business on my runs because my mind opens to all the things. Or, sometimes the opposite happens and it totally shuts down and I just run and run. When I’m done my body, mind and soul sigh with relief and joy.

#4 – I’m eating the damn peanut butter cups. During the week I don’t eat sweets and I watch my sugar intake. So, peanut butter cups are off the table. Well, as of 4 pm today, I’m on “Fill Your Bucket” time.

Fingers crossed the peanut butter cup fairy shows up…otherwise, I’m off to the store to stock up. Hello, Big Cups! I’m eating them up and there will be zero guilt and all the yums.

#5 – I’m refusing to go to baseball tonight. My son adores playing sports but it is definitely the leading cause of his panic attacks. I’m not saying he has anxiety because of sport, in fact, I believe sport helps kids with mental illness in many, many ways. I’m just saying it triggers his anxiety to take over his body.

As his support warrior, the prep is most difficult. More on that in another post. Just know it’s a lot of energy expended to ensure I’m ready to support should he need me to guide him through a panic attack. It’s a lot.

So tonight, I’m saying “no”. He’s exhausted from the week. I’m exhausted from the week. So, we’re going to our friend’s house and we’re skipping ball.

Now, you may not have a sport to say “NO” to, but I bet you have something planned that you could eliminate and feel better for getting rid of it. Do that, do what’s right for you and eliminate the source of anxiety. Enjoy your time not doing the thing…at least that’s my plan.

There ya go. That’s what I’m up to this weekend. One of you asked how i re-charge and I think I have a pretty solid plan here. Will you join me? What are you going to tackle this weekend so you can rest your body, mind and soul and get back to you.

Because, you’re important. Your energy is important. Time to fill up!