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Sibling Love – Some Days We Nail It

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My kids are the bomb. And yeah, I know…most parents think their kids are THE BOMB, but mine really are, so there.

Startin’ it off real mature…

I digress.

I was watching my kids yesterday and I noticed how strong their bond is. Sure they bicker and fight and push one another’s buttons, but at the end of the day, I rest assured that they will always have one another to lean on. And, they will lean on one another should they need to.

Here’s the great thing about my kids: they’re actually friends. They play together. They hang out together. They often walk to school together. And, when push comes to shove, I know they have the other’s back.

Trouble at school? They turn to one another.

Bad day? I hear them talking to one another.

Good day? I hear them making fun of one another.

I always knew they were close, but after talking with other parents, apparently, that isn’t super “normal”. While we do have the bickering and the “O-Wen-AHHHHHHH” (that’s when Paytie is super pissed…probably because her brother stole her shoes and hid them again), we also have a lot of laughter, hugging and adoration between those two little schmoopies of mine.

You should also read how I raise them and the “Don’t be a d**k” mantra I taught my son…it’s saved him and his sister A LOT of aggravation.

I’m a big believer in the universe and souls and that souls can wait for one another, so if you don’t…skip the next paragraph.

I went to a tea leaf reader years ago and she told me that my kids were very, very close. In fact, they wait for one another and continue lives together as brother and sister through time. And this time, they chose me to be their Mom. They waited together and hand-picked me to be their Mama.

How freakin’ cool is that? They chose me! Am I not the luckiest Mom in the world to have these two as my kids? I felt so humbled and loved when she told me that, and whether you believe that to be true or not, there is no denying the bond between my children.

Payton constantly checks in with her brother to see how he’s feeling. She always asks if he was able to get on the ice or play his baseball game (for those that don’t know, my son has severe panic disorders and they often cause him to miss things he loves). She celebrates when he achieves and she is compassionate when his anxiety gets the best of him.

And Owen? He manages the overly dramatic episodes my daughter likes to stage and stands up for her when she needs it. I’ve even seen him hug her just to hug her and calm her down when she is nearly inconsolable.

All this to say…I’m so freakin’ glad they have one another. With my son going to middle school next year and my baby girl growing up what seems like five years in just one…there is comfort to know they have one another’s back.

I love love. I love sibling love.

I know that I can rely on my own brothers to support and love me, no matter what, so it was important for me to foster a strong bond between my kids. The cool part? I don’t think I had anything to do with it. I think they have it naturally and I get to just sit back and know that I don’t have to worry about their bond. It is the strongest sibling bond I’ve ever seen.

Yay siblings!

Facts About Mental Illness that You Absolutely Need to Know

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With five days left of #PushingForAwareness, I continue to be humbled by my son and his non-stop desire to raise awareness for childhood mental illness.

He has done 50 pushups for 46 days now (well, he still needs to get his done today but to be fair, it’s currently 5:12 am, so I’ll give him some grace here) to raise awareness and funds for childhood mental illness. Throughout this campaign, he has raised over $4000 and with 5 days he is bound and determined to reach his goal of $5000.

To donate: https://fundly.com/50-for-50-pushup-challenge-for-childhood-mental-health-aware-50-for-50-pushups-challenge

After battling for over 4 years, my son was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, panic disorder and depression. He is 10 years old. He has officially called his mental illness “Dickson”. We hate Dickson.

Over the past 46 days of #PushingForAwareness I have learned a lot about mental illness and I thought I would share some of the most shocking stats I discovered.

Facts About Mental Illness:

  • 1 in 7 kids has a mental illness.
  • 1 in 5 actually gets the help they need.
  • 24% of all deaths in 15-24-year-olds are caused by suicide.
  • 49% of people who feel they have suffered from depression have never gone to a doctor.
  • On average, there has been a 188% increase in emergency room visits from 2007 to 2018 for ages 5 to 24 (229% increase for ages 5 – 9).
  • Untreated anxiety often leads to depression. Depression rarely (if ever) leads to anxiety.
  • 4.4 million kids have been diagnosed with anxiety, 1/3 of those have depression (32.5%).
  • 100% of Canadian will be affected by mental illness at some point in their life.
  • Mental illness is the #1 disability affecting people around the world. READ THAT AGAIN. NUMBER ONE.
  • 6% of the Canadian healthcare budget is dedicated to mental illness; that number should be closer to 30% to account for the people with disabilities and mental illnesses.

If you think that mental illness is not a “real” issue in this world, think again. The great thing? There is help now and if we get our kids help NOW, they may not have to battle their entire lives. If we get our children help NOW, they may not experience depression and the darkness that brings to their lives.

If we get our children help NOW, we’re arming them with tools and strategies to fight their illness with all they are. They may need medication, they may need strategies, they may need counseling…DO IT ALL.

My son wants you all to know that he will continue to push for awareness far after this campaign is done. He’s already asked what we are doing next to help…he has his mind set on creating “Dickson Sucks” sweatshirts…I kind of adore that idea.

We’re pretty damn bonded, this kid and I. xo
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I hope these facts are staggering to you. I hope these stats are eye-opening. I hope the friggin’ government reads this and all the other stats out there and opens their damn eyes to the help that is required for the people suffering who needn’t be suffering.

There is help. There are medications. There are people who can support mental illness. I’m one of them and I will fight Dickson beside my son until the day Dickson shrinks to a manageable size for my son or I die. I prefer the non-dying option.

If you have a child that you feel is suffering from anxiety, depression or any other mental illness, the best resource I’ve found is called FamilySmart. They put you in contact with a leader in your area that can help you navigate through the over-worked system that is mental health and find the resources available to you. Please reach out to them at www.familysmart.ca.

5 Quick Snacks to Tide You Over This Summer

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Life is busy, busy and I find that if you plan in advance, you can easily have quick snacks at the ready for those times when you need something fast and easy as you’re managing your crazy summertime life schedule.

Aside from carrying a water bottle around with you (filled with vodka, so no one suspects a thing), I have 5 go-to snacks that help me get through the loooooong summer days and our crazy schedule/

My Favorite Five Quick Snacks:

#1 – Baileys. It’s not just for coffee anymore, my friends. Carry a bottle of Baileys around with you all summer long and you can easily transition from breakfast to afternoon snack. It’s delicious and the added weight in your purse will give you that strength workout you’ve been searching for. Hello, deltoids!

Put the Baileys in your coffee in the morning and over ice in the afternoon. Be sure to use an insulated mug to keep your coffee hot and your ice cold. This snack is calorie dense, so you won’t get hungry AND everything will be delicious.

Warning: You cannot drive with this snack, so plan accordingly.

Why the calories don’t count: It’s summer. You’re surviving. ‘Nuff said.

#2 – Big Cup Peanut Butter Cups. You know you’re going to be toting around a cooler all summer long, so pack these two perfect beauties and set them next to your ice pack for a refreshing and delicious mid-morning or afternoon or late night pick-me-up.

Don’t mess with the mini peanut butter cups – too much work. You know you’re going to eat all 50 minis, so grab the pack of two Big Cups and get on with it. There are only two of them, so you’ll be less likely to have to share with anyone. The minis? Share galore – that’s awful stuff, don’t do that to yourself.

Why the calories don’t count: Summer is so busy you’ll be running around enough to burn the extra delicious calories.

Warning: Peanut allergy? Do not eat these. You will die and that would be awful.

Why I recommend this snack: Um, hello. Have you met a peanut butter cup you didn’t like?! They’re delicious! And I’m certain there’s protein in peanut butter, so you’re now building muscle…peanut butter cup muscle. Woop!

#3 – Two-bite Brownies. There are days when you’re going to have to share and I find that the amount of brownies in a package of two-bite brownies is sufficient to satisfy your personal desire for yum yum yumminess and share with a friend (or your kids, if you have to).

Why the calories don’t count: It’s summer, yo. Fuggetaboutit.

#4 – Bag-O-Chips. I realize not all of you have a sweet tooth, so here’s one for you salt lovers out there. Grab any bag of chips and enjoy. I personally think the Presidents Choice chips are the best. Yummy flavors, thicker cut, inexpensive (so we’re being summertime economical, go us!)…SO YUM.

Warning: Eat chips around me and I’ll smack the bag out of your hand. You keep your crunchy mouth noises away from me, you hear me?!

Why the calories don’t count: Chips are potatoes and potatoes are good for you. Add the salt to sop up any alcohol you may consume and BAM….look at you taking care of your salty self. YAY YOU!

#5 – Dairy Queen or any other fast food ice cream. While you cannot pack this, this is a quick go-to for summer road trips. Watch for that beautiful, big read sign and turn into the parking lot.

There may be lines, so don’t forget to sip from your water bottle (see note above and reminder photo below as to what to have in there). Order whatever the heck you want and enjoy your sweet treat.

Why the calories don’t matter: You’re making memories, baby. Your kids will remember how you always turn into DQ and their squeals of delight cancel out any fat and calorie intake. If you have no kids, you’ll remember how you always turn into DQ and you’ll smile because it is ALWAYS good. Plus, self-care. Look at you taking care of your needs. Good for you!

There you have it. A quick list of easy-to-grab snacks to help get you through the summer!

They’re not good for you…at all. But, they’re delicious. And sometimes, just sometimes you need to ease up on the reigns and enjoy life for a moment.

I guess I do have to say that this piece is pure silliness. While I recommend ALL of the above (except maybe all the drinking and some of the “facts” above), I’m totally joking with this piece. But, I do want you to enjoy your summer and lighten up a bit with respect to the guilt you put on yourself for having a treat.

Keep active. Eat well. Treat yourself when you want to.
Zero guilt this summer.

My Child Has Mental Health But He Also Has a Mental Illness

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When my child was diagnosed with a mental illness I was constantly talking about mental health. I was confusing the two terms and replacing “illness” with “health”, mostly because I cringed every time I used the term “mental illness”.

You see, there’s still a stigma around those words, even for a Mom who has been advocating for her son for years and years. I just couldn’t seem to easily say the words “my son has a mental illness”. It was easier to say “I’m raising awareness for mental health” or “I’m pushing hard for my son’s mental health to be taken care of”.

Day 7 of #PushingForAwareness

Until one day my son corrected me.

We were talking about the campaign we are doing called #PushingForAwareness where we committed to completing 50 pushups for 50 days to raise awareness for childhood mental illness. BUT…when we first started the campaign I kept saying we were “raising awareness for childhood mental health”.

My son asked, “Is there a difference between health and illness”? I paused, because in that moment I realized I needed to get over the stigma and educate properly.

I told him that we were raising awareness for childhood anxiety and depression.

“And those are illnesses, right? So we should say that we’re raising awareness for childhood mental illness because that’s what we’re doing”, he said.

“You’re right, buddy. You’re 100% right. We’re raising awareness for childhood mental illness.”

You see, everyone has mental health but not everyone has mental illness.

Your mental health slides on a continuum – some days you could have good mental health and other days you could have bad mental health. Stress, sleep, nutrition, life, in general, all lend a hand in dictating your mental health. But mental illness? Well, that gets diagnosed by a professional.

You may notice now that in the live videos we do for our daily pushups that my son introduces it as “raising awareness for mental illness” and after a few weeks, I no longer cringe at those words. I’ve grown accustomed to them and appreciate the power behind them.

I was feeling pretty baffled by my reaction to the words mental illness, but I’ve accepted that it was all based around the stigma we are currently battling. Even though I’ve been battling and I’ve been fighting for my son, I needed to wrap my head around the terms. They’re just words, but wow…words hold power, don’t they?

The more I’ve used the words, the easier it’s gotten. It’s not that I’m ashamed of his diagnosis at all, it’s not that I felt the need to hide it (obviously…sheesh we’re running a whole campaign on it), but I did need to address my cringey reaction to those two words.

And, the answer truly was stigma. It’s a long battle ahead of us to de-stigmatize the word. I know this because even as a true and huge advocate for mental illness, I shirked away from using the correct term for my son…and that’s the problem.

I realize more than ever that the work we need to do to help in the area of destigmatizing (is that even a word?!) the words “mental illness” is massive. However, I also know you can get the heck over it because I have done just that.

So, say it with me “MENTAL ILLNESS”.

My child has a mental illness.

I can say it now and I actually stand a little prouder. I may even throw a shoulder shimmy at you because it’s not scary at all. It’s actually pretty damn empowering.

My son called me out on not addressing the issue and using the incorrect term and I couldn’t be more proud of him. He’s not embarrassed by it and he continues to have the amazing conversations about mental illness with adults, friends and random people in the grocery store. So who am I to stand in his way?

If you haven’t checked out his campaign to raise awareness for mental illness, please do so! We have ONE WEEK left and we’re about $1300 short of our $5000 goal.

CLICK HERE TO DONATE!

“Don’t Talk To Me Like That” – That Time My 8-Year-Old Layed Down the Law

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I want to raise an independent woman. I want to raise a strong woman. I want to raise a woman who stands up for herself but does so with respect and…well…finality, no wishy-washy bullshit…just strength and power.

I want to teach her that her words matter and how she chooses to say those words, the tone she chooses is almost as important as the actual words themselves.

I want my daughter to have a voice that is intelligent, decisive and used to empower her and the person she is.

Oh Lordy…I want all of this for my daughter and in a time where women are taking so many steps forward but constantly getting pushed back, I see my daughter and the strength she exudes in who she is.

Today she was spoken to in a fairly impolite way. To be fair, the man who said the words was trying to be helpful, but his “coaching” came off as condescending and somewhat…what’s the word?…asshole-ish.

I stood up to say something to stand up for my daughter, but then I paused.

I saw my daughter take a deep breath, roll her shoulders back, lift her chin and say:

“Don’t talk to me like that. I don’t like it. You can coach me, I’d like to learn. But please don’t speak to me like that”.

The man’s jaw dropped open and he seemed unable to speak for a few moments.

I smiled, breathed a sigh of relief and sat back down. I watched the man gather himself.

“Sorry, Paytie. My bad. You’re right. What I was trying to say was….” and off they went for a respectful conversation.

And there’s me…watching my daughter do something I’ve fought my entire life to do. She found her voice and without any edge to it was able to communicate how she felt, that she didn’t like it and how the person could fix it.

I mean…SERIOUSLY.

She’s EIGHT.

What a fucking superstar.

She is constantly teaching me and I am constantly in awe of her spark, compassion and overall knowledge of who she is and what she deserves in this sunshine-y life of hers.

“Don’t talk to me like that”.

WHAT A ROCKSTAR.

It really can be that simple. Use your words. Let people know when they’ve over-stepped and find a way to make it work. Or not…of course…some people are just total assholes, but she knows that too. She knows when to walk away.

But today she corrected and became a smarter, more confident woman today. I have no idea if she’ll remember this moment, but I will, and I will use it in my own life to stand up for how I want to be treated.

I love that at 41 I’m learning from my 8 year old. I love that she is strong and powerful and beautiful. I love that she is confident and respectful.

I love that she is who she is and I truly love that she is mine to adore and be in awe of.

Well done, baby girl. Well. Done.