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How Buddy Check for Jesse Saved Our Family Through Green Tape & Conversation

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Our journey with Buddy Check for Jesse started a year ago. It was one moment in time, one talk in the hockey dressing room, one game with green tape…and it changed the entire course of my son’s and my life.

If you haven’t read about our first experience with Buddy Check, please CLICK HERE and read that article first (I swear, it’s a good one).

Quick background: My son has been battling panic attacks since grade two. Thankfully we had an amazing teaching (forever grateful to Shaye Sanford) who identified his behaviour and asked if maybe, perhaps, have you ever wondered: “do you think he may have anxiety?”.

This is the face of anxiety – FYI – anxiety doesn’t “look” like anything in particular.

From there we battled. We met with counsellors, got on waitlists, were told he wasn’t “sick enough” yet. For years. His panic attacks worsened. They lengthened and they became more frequent. My son, fairly open about his anxiety, always asked me to talk to his coaches and let them know what was happening and what they could do.

So, I always have. We are brutally open about his anxiety and his panic attacks. It scares some people, but I figure…get over it and learn how to help. It’s not about you, it’s about illness and my son and how you can help coach a child who may need to be coached with understanding…so let me help you support my son.

Our coach last year was the best coach ever in the history of all coaches. His Buddy Check talk in the dressing room – about how to support one another, how to reach out, what to look for – was the best ever. He spoke about mental health challenges and how to be a safe place for your friends and family. Me? I was a weeping wreck as I listened…because this was the first time EVER I’d heard a coach talk about mental illness and how to support someone…let alone in a stinky hockey dressing room.

It was freakin’ incredible.

That moment changed our lives. From that moment, I had more courage to talk about my son’s battles. I received more support from the parents. My son received more support and understanding from his teammates. And, he continued to open up and talk, talk, talk about his mental illness.

His anxiety led to depression and although he spoke about his anxiety, he continued to battle…hard. He experienced 5-7 panic attacks that lasted 2-3 hours every week. He battled. And that, well now…that will fatigue a nervous system and eventually, it led to depression.

Finally “sick enough”, we managed to get him in to see a psychiatrist and he was officially diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses.

As he fought to recover from his illnesses, he began to focus on how to further educate about mental illness, how to further help people understand to not fear what he has to go through…and his focus went to Buddy Check for Jesse. He loves everything Stu Gershman created in loving memory of his son, Jesse Short-Gershman.

He raised $2500 for Buddy Check this year and continues to raise money through the sales of his t-shirts and hoodies (more info on how to support that HERE).

But, Buddy Check didn’t just help my son. It helped our entire family. Buddy Check was the platform that my son was able to stand on and have a purpose. He claims that Buddy Check is 25% of his life. It means that much to him and he continues to raise awareness for it.

For me…I used to quietly battle on my own, but since Buddy Check, I know I have a support system. I continue to educate…and frustratingly, sometimes my words fall on deaf ears, but I will continue to force the issue.

Buddy Check opened conversations in our family. It opened doorways to healing. It opened acceptance to lean. It opened a willingness to take a breath, accept what is, battle stronger and recover quicker.

You’re asking…seriously…one little speech in one little dressing room by one coach did all that? And I can, 100%, say yes. Yes, it did.

Last year, Buddy Check for Jesse packages were given to about 200 teams. This year, they were able to provide packages to over 1100 teams. CAN YOU IMAGINE the impact they are having right now? The Buddy Check for Jesse weekend wrapped up last weekend and it was a sea of green at most of the Bantam and PeeWee teams across BC, as well as some other province, per their request. There were also some Atom teams involved, as well!.

Stu – you’ve become a dear friend of mine and I am so honoured to help spread the good work you’re doing in any way, shape or form that I can. What you and your family have had to endure is heart-breaking and I cry with you. But, I also fight. I fight beside you and I will help bring this incredible initiative to the masses.

Because, Stu…you saved my family in more ways than you could ever possibly imagine. I am not alone. My son is recovering. We all have a purpose. And it is ALL because of green tape and short talk in a stinky hockey dressing room.

Jesse, I didn’t have the honour of meeting you but you are locked in my heart forever. I will support your family to spread the work and education that is being done in your memory as best I can. You mean a great deal to me and my family – and for that I will push and fight and battle for you.

#BuddyCheckforJesse – thank you.

For for more information on Buddy Check for Jesse, please go to www.buddycheckforjess.com.

To purchase one of Owen’s “Anxiety” hoodies or t-shirts, please CLICK HERE.

The Importance of #GreenTape to Help Educate and Raise Awareness for Mental Illness

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I’m not even sure how to begin to write this post. So, I figure if I just let my heart speak, this will go okay.

As most of you know, my son Owen has a mental illness. After years of supporting my son as he battled massive panic attacks, I finally got him into our mental health system (more rage-writing required on that topic, but that’s not for this post) and with medication and a kickass counselor, he’s doing a lot better this year.

Don’t get me wrong. He battles every day. Every. Day. And how exhausting that must be for a 10-year old. But, the battles seem smaller and shorter and I think he is now able to catch his breath between fights. So…we’re winning. Well, we’re learning. We’re learning to battle smarter, stronger and quicker. We’re learning to shrink anxiety and call it out for its bully-ways.

All that to say…we’re doing better. But…we still battle. He doesn’t “look” like a kid that battles mental illness, does he? But…please know. He. Battles. Every. Day.

A few days ago I learned that Owen’s team had been asked to play a short game at the intermission of the Boston Bruins Alumni vs Victoria (and area) Firefighters) charity game hosted by the Umbrella Society. Now, I had not thought that this would lead to anxiety because it’s for fun and we’re pretty good when things are just for fun. BUT…what I did think was “Jeez…this would be a good opportunity to spread the word about Buddy Check for Jesse“.

For those that don’t know about Buddy Check for Jesse, it’s an initiative that was started by the force that is Stu Gershman, in memory of his son Jesse Short-Gershman, who died by suicide. Stu started Buddy Check as a way to honour his son and help his other sons grieve and grow through the loss. Buddy check provides packages to hockey teams, with coaches notes, green (the color for mental illness) tape, posters, wallet cards and bracelets. Buddy check provides a way for coaches to discuss what it means to reach out to team members who may be struggling to support one another, how to check in on one another and what to look for. Buddy Check brings the topic of mental illness and mental health into the dressing room and I don’t think that’s ever been done before.

This “green tape” initiative made a HUGE impact on Owen. Huge. He even ran a campaign for Buddy Check and raised $2500 this year for them, which we were told will help fund about 85 teams. That’s 85 teams that get this information because of my son’s efforts. So, yeah…I’m kinda proud of that.

I digress.

With the Boston Bruins Alumni game happening last night, yesterday morning I thought “hey…I wonder if I can get the teams to put green tape on their sticks for the game?” It was last minute. But, I told my son my thought and the look on his face told me I HAD to make it happen.

A few posts to facebook, a few texts, a few emails, a few “please, please, please, please let me make this happen”. Then, a quick drive around town to get the green tape, promo material and all things Buddy Check for Jesse…and it was in the hands of the Grizzlies office. Thank you, Sheryl Williamson – I am forever grateful.

I had to walk away from the office and just hope it worked out.

We showed up at the game last night an hour early (kids playing at intermission show up early) and saw the Firefighters warming up. I was nervous to look at their sticks because…what if there was no tape? How would I explain to my kid that I didn’t make it happen? The pit in my stomach was huge.

I took a breath, looked up…and there was a sea of green. Almost every single firefighter had taped their stick. Right then and there I did a weird little hop of joy thing I do and had a little cry. I hugged my kid and said, “you are so important!”.

Then the Bruins came on the ice. Although not as many sticks were taped…SOME WERE…but you know what I saw? I saw the handles of sticks taped and I saw the tape used as sock tape…HOW AWESOME?!

The fact that the players learned about what the green tape stood for – sticking together to support mental health in sport – and they stood up and showed their support for this? Well, COME ON, how is a Mama NOT going to lose her ever-loving mind in gratitude. Super cool event alert – one of Owen’s coaches (thank you, Brandon Meyer!) explained to a guy with an inside track to meeting Ray Bourque that Owen was there and what the green tape stood for…and Ray Bourque said he’d meet my kiddo and we got this picture. Hello Ray Bourque!

I don’t even think a lot of the players understood how important this was. But for my son, who declared yesterday in the car as we were dropping the green tape to the Grizzlies office that Buddy Check for Jesse is “25% of his entire life”…this means something.

I support and advocate for Buddy Check for Jesse because it impacted our lives more than one could possibly ever know. And now, if I can help Stu and his team impact even one more child, the way that our family has been impacted, I will 100% do it. Every time.

To the players of the games last night – thank you. You may think what you did was very small, but please know that it wasn’t. It wasn’t at all. It showed this Mom (that’s me) that this is important and that I need to continue to fight for education and I need to continue to advocate for all the kids out there who might see a green stick and feel supported and heard…and not minimized.

I need to continue to push and spread the Buddy Check for Jesse word because what Stu and Buddy Check does matters more than I could have ever imagined. I need to keep shouting from the rooftop because the memory of Jesse means a lot and although I did not meet him, he is certainly a big part of my life and I know, I JUST KNOW, he’s looking down on all of this with pride. I can feel that.

The official Buddy Check for Jesse weekend is happening Oct. 26/27. Most South Island Atom, PeeWee and Bantam teams will receive packages AND because of donations through the BC Amateur Sport Fund, we can add even more teams to the 1100 already sponsored. If you’d like to donate to support a team, please do so…every $30 funds one team. PLEASE CLICK HERE to donate.

Long post. Sorry. It was kind of a big night and I’m a bit emotional. One last thank you to the Grizzlies for helping make this happen. Thanks to my Mom Hive who pointed me in the direction and thanks for the many hugs I received last night in support of my son and all the green tape out there. I’m not alone, and I have the hockey community to thank for it.

Also – Owen – you’re a fucking rockstar and I love you so very much.

This First Day of School Has Made Me a Wreck

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Emotional post alert.

I’m a bit of a mess, to be honest. My oldest child started middle school today…and yes, while all you veteran Mamas who have done this before roll your eyes and tell me “you’ve been here, done it, got the sticker”…good for you.

I haven’t. This is my first rodeo.

I’m not overly emotional because my child is growing up. I’m not overly emotional because he’s going to a new school. I’m not even overly emotional because he is starting a whole new chapter of his life today.

No. I’m overly emotional today because today…was no big deal.

My son was diagnosed with multiple types of anxiety and depression a few months ago. I saw him wage wars on himself that broke my heart into pieces. But, I picked them up, glued them back together, supported my son and battled some more. Rinse and repeat. For months. Years, if I’m being truly honest

For the past few months, I’ve wondered:

Is he getting better?
Does he seem happier?
Did he just beat anxiety there?
I wonder if this is worth it?
Is counselling too much for him?
Should I increases/decrease his meds?
What else should I be doing?
How else can I support him?

IS HE GETTING BETTER?

You see, when your child has a mental illness, you never really know when the next episode will hit. You never know if he will wake in the morning and have a “Sad Day”, or if one sentence you say will start the wheels of his anxiety machine and create a panic attack.

And, as a newly diagnosed illness, to be honest, my faith in treatments gets a little clouded by my own stress resulting from being a Support Warrior. His battles are my battles…but I’ve felt like my armour may be a little cracked right now and I was wondering if I could handle the battles and wars that come with September.

For weeks I’ve been watching for nerves, anxiety, worry. We had a sad day a few weeks ago and I instantly thought “Oh shit…here we go”.

But I was wrong.

You see, my son…he is a fucking warrior. He has worked SO HARD over the summer to learn strategies to fight on his own, to battle his illness and stand tall. He had many counselling sessions that left him pale and drained, with his heart seemingly as broken as mine on his sleeve for all to see.

He’s done the HARD WORK that most adults don’t or won’t do…he’s worked harder than anyone I’ve ever seen work at learning to live with mental illness.

Let’s all please remember that he is 10 years old.

So yeah, I’ve been watching. Only to be told he’s excited to go to school. Over and over. He’s excited. Not nervous. “Relax, Mom. I can’t wait”.

So, today he woke, snuggled his dog…and went to school. No nerves. No anxiety. Or if there were some, he battled on his own and walked away from me without looking back.

He was the calmest I’ve ever seen him. He was the most confident I’ve ever seen him.

Perhaps this will change throughout the year and I KNOW we will continue to battle…but oh wow…the relief and emotions that are running through this Mama’s body right now are incredible.

I’m so proud of my son on his first day of middle school. He’s battled and won. He’s fought and today…I can say he is triumphant in who he is and I am incredibly proud and in awe of how strong and capable he has become.

So yeah… the first day of school…was emotional for this Mama.

For all you emotional Mamas out there…I’m with you. Watching our children grow is an honour, for sure…but every step sure does make your heart crack a little…then it repairs and builds and gets stronger. It’s incredible. Whether your child has a mental illness or not, watching them enter a new phase of life is terrifying, yes, but it’s also pride-inspiring and joyful.

Stand tall, Mamas. You’re doing a great job. Keep going. xo

NEW WORKOUT! 21 & Done Full-Body Workout: Challenge Teaser

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Here’s a super fun, quick little workout that will get your heart rate up, your muscles burning and your smile…smiling!

With the launch of my new challenge, 21 & Done Upper Body Challenge, starting on Monday, I wanted to give you a little taste of what is involved. Although the challenge starting Monday is focused solely on upper body toning and strength, and this workout definitely isn’t… the “21 pushups and you’re done” gives you a small hint as to what you’re in for in the upcoming challenge!

Have you signed up for the 21-Day Upper Body Challenge yet? If not…don’t wait…I’m over 50% SOLD OUT! CLICK HERE to sign up!

Now, onto the workout:

Set your timer for 2:10, press start. Begin with Block 1 – go through the 3 exercises as many times as possible in the 2:10 alotted. Then…do 21 pushups and you’re done Block 1. Move on to Block 2 and repeat for blocks 2, 3 and 4!

Fun, right?

21 pushups and DONE! Get it? Get it? 21 and DONE! YAY!

Ta da! You game?

Also, don’t forget to get yourself registered for my 21 & Done Upper Body Challenge and get ready for 21 Days of strengthening and toning your upper body. Again, the above workout is NOT what the daily challenges will look like…just a small hint!

YAY!

21 days of accountability, support, muscle toning, random giveaways, fun, silliness, love and awesomeness.

21-Day Upper Body Challenge

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I’ve been asked for a very, very, very long time to create a short, effective and fun upper-body challenge, so that’s exactly what I did!

Here’s what the challenge looks like:

It’s called 21 & Done. Why? Well now…you’re going to have to wait to find out ALL the details and exactly what the name means. But, I can tell you is this – with this 21-Day Challenge you’re going to get all of the following:

  • 21 days of focused upper body workouts designed to tone and sculpt your upper body;
  • Varied daily strength training focuses on the 5 areas of the upper body: chest, back, biceps, triceps and shoulders;
  • Each challenge should take no longer than 10 minutes per day;
  • Fun little surprise workouts throughout the 21 days;
  • Access to an app that helps you stay organized and keep track of each daily challenge;
  • A points system that allows you to see how the entire team is doing;
  • A private chat room within the app for accountability and support;
  • Weekly prizes – randomly drawn from those at the top of the leaderboard.
  • GRAND PRIZE – randomly drawn from all those who completed the full 21 days at the end of the challenge.

All of this for $21. And one of the best parts? If you complete the full 21 days, I will donate 21% of your registration to an organization that helps educate and raise awareness for childhood mental illness! So YOU are doing good by getting strong(er)!. YAY!

At the end of the 21 days, you’ll have a new group of motivated women to support you on your fitness journey, you’ll have stronger and more defined arms and you’ll have a bunch of new education that I plan on sharing throughout the challenge.

This is the PERFECT challenge if you need a short, safe and effective way to help get you back on track OR if you want to supplement your current workout program and classes with a little upper-body boost!

BA-BAM! Fun, right?! If you’re not already on the waitlist…GET ON IT!

Just CLICK HERE for more information and to get on the waitlist. YAY!