Meet Ragey.

She’s my inner bitch and every now and then she takes over my entire mind, body and soul. She makes my shoulders touch my ears, she clenches my teeth and makes my nostrils flare. She’s red hot furry, edginess and completely unreliable. One of her worst attributes? She shows up for no freakin’ reason whatsoever.

She struts into my body in her red stilettos, pencil skirt and briefcase and typically announces (in a British accent for some reason) “Ain’t no one getting out of this day alive. Stand back, people, Ragey’s here and she’s about to make this day a living HELL for everyone”. Ragey is a ball-busting cow bound and determined to shoot darts of irritation poison throughout every cell of my body.

She makes me cringe when people crunch their salad too loud. She makes me glare at my kids for laughing at silly things (that I would typically laugh about right alongside them). She puts thoughts into my head like “Yup, that just happened. Any other time you’d let this slide, but not today, my friend…NOT. TODAY!”. 

Ragey is a jerk. But she comes out every now and then when I’m exhausted OR when I’m PMSing. In fact, Ragey is the ragiest when I’m PMSing. It’s best if people just stay away. I’ve found that as I get older my PMS is getting worse and worse. Maybe my patience is just dwindling, but in this last year of my 30’s, this whole PMS thing has gotten a little out of control. 

So, when Ragey shows up there are a few things I do to dissipate her red-stiletto, pencil-skirt, ball-busting, coil-me-so-tight-I’ll-jump-down-your-throat-for-asking-me-if-I-want-decaf-coffee-DO I WANT DECAF?!!- NO I DO NOT WANT DECAF-WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU?!-attitude.

Phew. FYI…she likes when I write about her, apparently.

I’m hoping you can relate to this crazy person I’ve called Ragey. I believe she is certifiable. And, although she only shows up one a month, it’s enough to make a lasting impression.

So, when I notice my shoulders start to rise or I seem to hear an almond being crunched from another room on another level of my house, I take precautions to save myself and let’s be honest, every single person around me, from the fury and ridiculousness that Ragey can create. 

Isolate or Explode

If possible, when Ragey takes over your body, it’s best to remove yourself from all people. My husband knows the signs and often encourages me to take some alone time or go read upstairs. I think he even knows that if nuts are in the house while Ragey is poking around my body, it’s best that they’re eaten under a pillow, in the house next door.

Bitchy Babe Essential Oils

I’m a firm believer in the power of essential oils and Ragey seems to respond well to the great blend of Soulful Sister’s Bitchy Babe. It’s an essential oil combination of geranium, bergamot, grapefruit and ylang-ylang. My diffuser is on full blast in every room during Ragey’s reign and it honestly does help soothe and calm my rattled nerves.

Drink All The Water & Eat The Healthy Stuff

In times of distress, PMS or overwhelm there is a tendency to forget important self-care/nourishment practices like drinking water and eating well. Too often during times of stress, we reach for high-calorie/low-nutrient comfort food, wine or whatever crutch you have. It is almost critical that during these times under Ragey’s control when she’s demanding cheese, crackers, chocolate and wine, you need to take control and suggest to her veggies, chicken and water. Do NOT worry, she’s usually open to this and will surprise you with gratitude once you’ve hoovered it down.

Sweat Her Out

Here’s the thing with Ragey: she typically melts away if you get her hot enough. How do you do that? You workout. Hard. Aggressively. You sweat her out. Don’t listen to her…you DO have time to get your workout in and you WILL feel so much better once you’re done. If you’re not an aggressive fitness person, that’s okay…Ragey melts with most any physical activity: walking, hiking, biking, dance parties…anything that gets your body moving and your heart pumping will help get rid of her.

Exercise is magic, medicine and can help you overcome the dark blanket of fury your inner Ragey seems to carry around with her.

Take Time For You

Sometimes all your Ragey needs is a little time, a little acknowledgment that she’s there and a little self-care. Everybody wants attention, even Ragey. So, acknowledge her, treat yourself to something that makes you happy and try to soothe your stress, anxiety, worry and rage away. Sometimes if you just take a moment to take a breath, you’ll realize what’s happening and you’ll be able to refocus your energy on something more useful.

So, there you have it. You’re not alone in those moments of quiet rage when you wonder where these moods actually come from. I used to think I was the only one with a “Ragey”, but I’m not. I’ve talked to many women over the past few months who’ve told me about their inner Ragey and how she comes out every month. And honestly, as we get older, she seems to be getting stronger, more finicky and less patient.

We need to learn to cope and dissipate Ragey as quickly as possible. She is a part of you and although you’re most likely not proud of her, she’s there. It’s time to acknowledge her, accept her, forgive her and then get rid of her ask quickly as possible.

Let’s try to dampen her spirits and take care of our true selves. We got this.