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Hey September – Go Suck an Egg

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Oh, summer. I already miss you. I do. I mean, it had its struggles but…looking back as I’m in the shit of September, I truly miss you with all I am.

All summer long I heard Mamas around the globe say: “I can’t wait until September!”, “September can’t come soon enough!”, “I just gotta make it to September!”. I get it. Routine is back. Your kids are back to school. You have some structure. It’s not so hot. The fires are out (for the most part) and life is back to “normal”.

But, in all the glory that is September, does no one actually remember what a shitshow this month really is?! It’s a mother f**king gong show. 

Money, money, money.

Everyone wants a piece of my money tree.

  • It’s not just school supplies anymore, is it?! Your kids probably grew 8 feet over the summer, so no “fall” clothing will fit. A new wardrobe is in order. And hey, if your kids are getting older, there’s the fun time of them actually caring what they wear, so you have the added benefit of shopping with your children (*shudder*). That’s always a load of special fun that typically ends in eye-rolling (them), tears (all of us) and a bottle of wine (me) in the evening.
  • Hot lunch money – here you go! Swoosh…I swear I had money in the account earlier today…”NOT ANYMORE!”, shout the PAC! (no offense PAC…I love and adore the work you do!). 
  • Did you register your kids for their sports yet? Cuz…see ya later money. I’ll miss you.
  • Birthday parties. You’re going to need money for all the freaking birthdays that are in September…because many of you dirty birds had winter fever back in December/January and it seems like every single freakin’ kid was born in September! (er…my son’s is in October…so…um…I get it.)
  • And honestly, the list goes on and the e-transfers keep happening. 

Back to Routine = Tired Kids

Does no one remember how flippin’ cranky and tired our kids are when they go back to school?! They’ve just had 2 months of summertime fun! Late nights, sleeping in (for some of you…not in our house, because my kids Just. Don’t. Sleep. In!), slower mornings and lazy days. Days are now packed with social stimulation, brain work, sports, playdates and trying to fit it all it.

Kids are EXHAUSTED in September. Kids are ASSHOLES in September. 

I said it. Agree or disagree. I stand by the above statement.

Germs, Lice & All the Gross Things

Remember summer? When no one was sick and your scalp didn’t itch at the thought of “Little Johnny” all of a sudden showing up to school with a shaved head? Ahhhhh…bliss. 

I’ve already received the phone call to come to pick up my child because he isn’t feeling well. I’ve had strep throat myself and I fully blame all the grubby little germs my kids bring home from school. My daughter has had the sniffles for a few days and my son was in bed all day yesterday with skin the color of the puffy white clouds of summer.

The sickness of school has arrived in full force. 

Lice. I won’t talk about it too much right now. Your head is already itching, I know. I’m sorry. Just know those little buggers are out there. And at some point (soonish) that lice notice will come home in your kiddo’s backpacks and you’ll immediately drop everything and inspect all heads in the house. 

So Mamas…load up of the Tylenol, the Gravol, the essential oils of choice and the freakin’ lice treatment. You’re gonna need it. Soon. Also wine. Perhaps load up on that, too. I know I have. 

Anxiety is 10-Fold

Many of you won’t have to deal with this as much as we do in our house, but September is an awful month if you have a child with anxiety. They don’t know who their teacher is. They aren’t sure if their friends will be in their class. The year is ahead of them and they have no idea what will happen. That’s a pretty stressful thing for kids who like order, schedules and comfort.

Most children with anxiety like to play the “what if” game and it typically goes to the worst-case scenario. As a Mom, you’ll need all the tricks and tools you have to manage your child’s anxiety this month. It’s exhausting. We’re just over halfway through and I’m about tapped. But…of course, I will forge ahead.

On top of new teachers, friends and classrooms, September is typically the month when a lot of sports start. So, add on sports assessments (just the word is stressful), new coaches, a new team that you have to get to know and all the unknowns of a new year…you have the perfect storm for many-a-panic-attack from your anxiety-filled children.

Even if your kids don’t have anxiety, I find September to be a little nerve-wracking. My daughter has butterflies for awhile in September and she’s the most easy-going, glittery gal I know. 

So, while I agree routine is good. Getting into routine is hard. Come on, October. I’m waiting for you.

Lunches, school forms, homework…oh my! 

Have you all forgotten about making lunches? It’s only mid-September and I already want to throw a potato and a Ritz cracker in their lunches and call it a day. I can’t be the only one. 

School forms, sports forms and forms for things I didn’t even know I needed to have a form for have landed on my kitchen table and mock me every day. My hand is cramped and I’m sure I have carpal tunnel from all the form-filling-out. Stupid forms.

And last but not least, let’s not forget the joy that is homework. I love the homework battle, it’s my favorite – said no Mom ever. The last thing my kid wants to do is do more school after being in school. So yeah, that’s fun. 

AND…how could I forget?! HOME READING. ERMERGHERD. NOOOOOOOOOOOO! And hey…I know the importance of reading. I do. I love that my kids read. I’m an avid reader myself. But I’m that Mom that really doesn’t like getting read to. My patience is thin at the end of the day. The sounding out, the losing their spot, the finger-pointing. Did I mention the sounding out…of the SAME WORD…over and over again…well…

*deep breathing*

So, I say to you, September – GO SUCK AN EGG. I do not like you. I like you only because you’re beautiful (weather-wise) AND my Mama was born in your month (her parents were also perverts like all of you…go Grandma and Grandpa?!). Otherwise…I seriously cannot wait for October. Bring on the pumpkins, falling leaves and ACTUAL routine. 

October – you cannot come soon enough! 

Play Hard, Be Seen – Zapped Outfitters – My-Kid-Approved Outerwear (which is hard!)

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First, I’m going to tell you that Zapped Outfitters sent me a rain jacket and ball cap to trial and write about so this is a sponsored post. BUT…if you know me AT ALL, you know I don’t promote products unless I love, love, loooooove them.

And Zapped Outfitters?! I will support this company all day, every day. 

Why? Because it’s awesome. The Founder is awesome. The clothes are awesome. The products are awesome. The work they do is awesome. And my son actually LOVES their stuff. 

So, why am I so excited about his? BECAUSE! Zapped creates cool, hi-vis clothing, reflective backbacks, durable kids reflective shoes and so many more cool products I cannot wait to get my hands on!

Where do I begin to even start to tell you about this stuff?

Hmmmm…okay…last year my son and I were heading to an early-morning hockey practice. It was raining, it was cold, it was pitch black. We were walking through the parking lot in the dreary weather and my son almost got nailed by a truck in said parking lot. It could have been because it was early and the driver hadn’t had his coffee. Or, most likely, it was because my son was wearing a black rain jacket and black pants and the driver didn’t see him. 

Holy heart attack city, right? Blech. What an awful feeling. The good news is that he didn’t get smooshed that day.

Since then I’ve been on the lookout for a great jacket with some reflective material. But…my son is SUPER picky. A lot of times kids with anxiety have tactile sensitivities. Things just don’t “feel” right on their body and Owen is definitely a tactile kid. Sleeves are often too tight or too short or the material inside is too insert whatever-tactile-issue here.

So, when I heard about Zapped Outfitters, I thought, “YES! This could be it!”. But, I had my reservations. Because…well…did I mention how picky my kid is?

We received the rain jacket and ball cap in the mail last week. I opened up the package and…HOLY SMOKES…this stuff is niiiiiiice. Like…really, really nice. My son instantly picked up the reflective ball cap and said: “This is now my favorite hat”.

Excuse me, what?

YES!

 

So, then the real test came. I had to get him to try on the jacket. It looks super cool, the reflective material is really interesting and you can’t see it unless a light is shining on it…but fit and how it feels is important to my little man.

And…SUCCESS!

He’s worn it every day since we received it. And honestly, the reflective material is SO. COOL. Below is a photo of what the jacket looks like without light on it and then one with my flash, which shows what looks like in the dark when a light shines on it. 

  

So, why do I love this stuff so much? Because, the quality of the product is really, really good, my son actually likes and wears the gear AND it’s soooooo reflective and fun. I live in Victoria, so it’s rain, rain, rain all winter long and this jacket is the BOMB. They also sell reflective backpacks, durable kids shoes and reflective high tops! What?! I know! REFLECTIVE HIGH TOPS! I want some. 

Alas…it’s only for the kids. 

Anywho…Mamas! You gotta, gotta check out Zapped Outfitters. They’ve literally got your kiddo covered in reflective gear (that doesn’t look reflective unless the light is shining on it) from head to toe. This is such a cool and innovative company, I’m seriously in love.

The best part? I get to share it with you and YOU get 20% off by using LINDSAYGEE20 when you checkout. 

So, CLICK HERE, check it all out and then get your kiddo some reflective clothing, hats or shoes. I’m about to get Miss P the high tops…because…doesn’t that just scream Miss P?! 

I know that it’s weird to get all excited about clothing and whatever, but if I can make my kid more visible while he’s outside playing, I’m ALL in. Zapped Outfitters’ slogan is “Play hard. Be seen”…so, how could I NOT support and approve this company. I truly adore it. 

Let me know what you think if you get some of their stuff! We can have a Zapped Dance party in my backyard and make that reflective gear shiiiiiiiiine! 

Four Words I Taught My Son to Live By That You May Not Approve Of

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I write about my son quite a bit. We both like to educate people on how to help kids with anxiety and he’s always approved of the things I write about him. If you’ve read any of my blogs, you’ll know that he’s a super sweet, kind, funny kid who battles anxiety on a daily basis. You’ll also know that he’s not ashamed of it and advocates for himself and for others. You’ll know he’s pretty freaking awesome and that the bond between him and I is solid and strong.

What you might not know is that he is the #1 button-pusher of all button-pushers.

He’s the kid that will play the “I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you” game with his sister in the backseat. He’ll make noises incessantly just to annoy the s**t out of me and push me ever-so-slowly over the edge. You can see the wheels turning in his head with thoughts of “If I do or say this…I’m going to get a reaction”…and he’ll typically choose to do or say just to annoy the person he’s interacting with. 

It’s irritating and some days when I’ve given him my all and he decides that now is a good time to push my buttons, I want to take him to the curb, place him in the garbage can and walk away. Judge away. It’s going to get worse in a second…

The other day he and his sister were playing and although, in general, they get along, they also bicker and fight. Totally normal. But, my son likes to take things to the next level. Sometimes he does things to be funny, but it’s not funny, it’s hurtful and he knows it’s going to be hurtful, but he chooses to do it anyway. He chooses to be a jerk. It ends in hurt feelings, me yelling and my son….smirking. 

Anyways, my son and my daughter were playing and I could see things escalating. I could see his little button-pusher wheels start turning and I said:

“STOP! Just stop. Owen – I’m going to teach you four words I want you to run through your head any time you think you should do something, but you have a feeling like maybe you shouldn’t. I want you to run these four words through your mind ANY time you question your next move. I want you to live by these four words forever. Use them every day and make decisions based on them.”

He stopped. He looked at me and said “Okay…what are they?”

“Don’t. Be. A. Dick.”, I said.

“MOM! What?!”

“Yup. Seriously. Don’t be a dick.”.

And listen, it works.

Should I say these words and push this button?
Don’t be a dick.
Then decide.

Should I take this action that could cause harm?
Don’t be a dick.
Then decide.

Should I take advantage of this situation?
Don’t be a dick.
Then decide. 

At this point, he started giggling and said “Mooooooom”. To which I responded “I’m dead serious. Those 4 words should be your mantra and you need to start using them and live by them”. At this point, he walked away shaking his head, giggling. 

Two hours later I said “O – what’s your mantra?”.

“Don’t be a dick”. So…I know he heard me. I know he’s taken the lesson. I told my friends about it and they ask him and he can say his mantra quickly now.

Are you judging me yet? Probably. And, that’s okay. I’d probably judge me, too. But, for my son, cute and softer words don’t work. He needs an edge to his lessons and I’m happy to provide them. “Don’t be a jerk” wouldn’t have worked. It’s too soft. “Don’t be an asshole” was too much and I typically don’t advocate swearing (although for some, the word I chose is vulgar and offensive). So, I landed where I landed, which made him giggle…but also think. 

I taught my son his mantra a few weeks ago and although we joke about it a bit, the other day he told me he actually used it. He said he was doing something that he knew would annoy his friend so “I ran my mantra through my head and decided to not do it”. 

Well then. Okay. Success?

It’s weird and a bit of a vulgar mantra, but apparently it works. At least it works for my kid. Judge away if you want to, but for my kid, if he can run those 4 works through his mind before he decides to do something, he may save himself a lot of hurt and frustration in this life of his. As he gets older, we’ll expand on it, but for now…this works. 

I kinda wish everyone would live by this mantra. I feel strongly that if everyone just checked in with themselves before they do/speak/post/take action as to whether or not they’re making a dick-move, the world could be a better place. I’ve even caught myself a few times wanting to respond to a comment, email or message and have run those words through my mind and decided to respond in a different way. 

It’s actually quite liberating. 

All this to say…I’m parenting the way I parent and doing the best I can. The lessons I teach my children may be different than yours but hey…don’t be a dick. Let me parent how I choose to. I swear I’m doing a good job and I’m raising some pretty cool and kind kids, even if their messaging is different than yours. 

Two Questions to Ask Yourself When Baited Into Negativity

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We all have that one friend who is constantly pissed off, angry, mad about something, right? You know, the one that pulls you into conversations about everything that is going wrong in her life and creates a whoa-is-me framework for her days/weeks/months/years.

OR…we’re all part of that online Mom Group that we watch and read posts because you just never know what question will insight a backlash of bitchery and harsh judgment.

OR…we all engage in conversations that we know we shouldn’t be having but it just feels so good to vent and bitch and moan and commiserate. 

I get it. I truly do. But sheesh, it all seems to be getting a little out of hand.

I was online yesterday and I couldn’t go into a group without seeing someone bully someone else about their kids, or see posts about how hard life is or complain about how this went wrong and so-and-so did me wrong…with zero resolutions or ideas on how to make it better. 

And trust me when I tell you that I absolutely understand the allure of participating in the negative, especially if you have a strong opinion. 

But, it just gets to be a bit much. When do we pause and think “whoa…easy tiger…take a breath and really reflect on what you’re saying”. 

I guess I’m simply tired of the negativity I read about, hear about and have land on my shoulders, in my ears and through my eyeballs every single day. I understand that as a leader it is my JOB to continue to forge ahead in the midst of negativity and be a strong role model for positivity and badassery. I can handle that. I truly can. But some days…some…days.

Some days, my lovelies, some days it’s so hard when all you hear is negative, all you read is negative and all you defend is negativity. It makes you feel like this…

It’s hard when you’re inundated with post after post or conversation after conversation on all things negative. The constant thread of negative judgery (it’s a word, beat it) is really freakin’ hard to take. Even if it’s not directed at you. I find even reading posts where there are 252 comments so hard.

And yes, I know I don’t have to read it all, but there’s something addicting to those threads, isn’t there? It’s hard to turn it off. I realize it’s a choice to read those posts and the comments, I get it. I don’t read them any longer…go me! 

And listen, I’m not judging you. I truly am not. I’ve engaged in my fair share of gossiping and negative talk. But lately, I’ve decided I don’t need that in my life. I don’t want that in my life. So, I’ve begun to ask myself two questions when I read something negative or if hear about conversations I could engage in.

Question #1: By engaging, am I helping or hindering to find a way to fix the issue or am I just adding fuel to the fire?

Question #2: Would I engage and say the same words if the person I’m talking about was standing behind me unannounced? 

By asking myself these two questions (which happened a lot the first few days I tried this out), I paused and most definitely decided to hold my tongue and/or choose different words that elicited a different response. Instead of adding fuel to a debate, I have been able to guide conversations away from blame and towards a solution. And that feels DAMN good.

I’ve also removed myself from groups that are riddled with negativity. I have my own stuff going on, why the heck do I need to read about other peoples’ online lives? WHY? To make myself feel better that “at least I’m not living that life”? Yikes. Talk about a bitch move. So, I’ve left numerous groups and have decided to surround myself with positivity.

Oh sure, sure, I still have a tendency to want to get my claws into a good ‘ol whine-fest (not to be confused with wine-fest because I am 100% still in for that!), but by asking myself the above two questions I’ve been able to really reframe my thoughts and, ultimately, my day. I’ve taken much of the negativity away from my day and let me tell you…TRUE BLISS!

I reframe everything now based on these questions. If someone is upset, I don’t get baited into the he-said/she-said conversations any longer. I simply focus on HOW I can help move the conversation from emotional unloading to pro-active steps. 

And, honestly…the best thing I did was remove myself from places that held too much negativity for me. If all you see is post after post of negative…GET OUT. You have enough going on in your life, you do NOT need to engage in issues that are not yours. Focus on. Be kind to you. 

And, although there are days that are still hard and some days it seems like all there is is negativity getting thrown my way, I refuse to back down from looking for solutions and finding positivity. RE-FUSE. Some days it’s exhausting and other days I find women just like me trying to do the same thing (hello franchise owners) and float positivity out there like their lives depend on it. 

Cuz they do. Your happy life depends on your slaying negativity, finding solutions and bringing joy and happiness to your world. That’s on you, my friend. 

So, before you engage in negative conversations, whether verbally or written, ask yourself if your words are helping or hindering the situation. Then, before you speak about someone, make sure you’re confident that you’d respond the same way if who you’re talking about is standing behind you.

It’s that simple. I promise. You can stop the negativity. Maybe not all the time and although it’d be awesome for everyone to jump on the positivity train, that’s just not going to happen. So, you gotta take care of you. You gotta surround yourself and your thoughts with the good. You gotta find solutions to make you happy and cause no harm to others.

That’s the goal. Be a good person. Don’t be a gossipy bully.

The Power of Incredible Coaching on Childhood Anxiety

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As many of you know my son suffers from some pretty severe anxiety. He was diagnosed in grade two and his Dad and I have worked hard with him to help him cope and manage situations where he feels nervous or anxious. He doesn’t like breathing exercises, so we’ve had to rely on numerous other tools available. But, I think anxiety will be an ever-changing and growing beast we will need to control in continuously new ways as he grows. 

But, sometimes all the tools in the world don’t work and I see his face change, I see his chest begin to rise and fall faster and I see “the look” on his sweet face. In that moment, I know there’s nothing much I can do but let him know “I’m here” and he’s not alone. I hope it’s enough.

But this isn’t about the tools we use, this post is about the power of sport and coaching on kids with anxiety (or even on kids without anxiety).

What I’ve realized this year with my child in both hockey and baseball, is that in sport, I’m not alone in my battle against my son’s anxiety. In sport, I have coaches and this past year I have been honoured and blessed with incredible coaches who understand my child. Or, even if they don’t understand…they try, they’re compassionate and they’re everything I could ever ask them to be for my son.

A little background:

My son decided to play baseball this year. He’s 9 and this is his first year playing. So, I knew going into this we were looking at some anxiety episodes, 100%. I wasn’t wrong. His first introduction to his team had him sobbing, hyperventilating and unable to speak to his team. And that was just picture day. Luckily, one of our coaches who knew him came over, put a hand on his little shoulders and just talked to him. Although he had a minor panic attack that night, it would have gotten to be a full-blown attack without that time with one of his coaches. Win #1. 

But recently, the power coaches have on our children became even more apparent. His baseball coaches “saved” baseball for my child. 100%. My child will play again because of his coaches this year.

How a Good Coach Can Save the Day:

My son had an awful game last week. Awful. He got hit by a pitch…twice. He was then playing left field when a pop fly headed in his direction, another kid called it so he backed off. The kid missed the catch. No big deal. But, the next time I see my big guy go up to bat, his face has changed. It’s his “anxiety face”. I immediately think “Oh f**k”. Something happened. He strikes out. Anxiety face is now deeper.

I go talk to him. He says it’s nothing. So, what can you do? I say “O, I’m here if you need me.”. Then he tells me a kid said something to him on the bench about how he messed up. Many kids can shrug that stuff off, but for a kid with anxiety, words cut deeper and he owns them…for days. But, I get him back onto the field.

Pop fly. 

F**k.

It drops beside him. He pulls his baseball hat far down on his face, puts his hands on his knees and I see his little shoulders start to shake. 

Let’s go, O. You got this. 

Next time they’re out in the field. O is back in left field.

Pop fly.

F**k.

It drops beside him. 

He’s fought this attack for a while now. But that…was his breaking point. But, kudos to my kiddo. Although he was crying, although he had anxiety all over his face…he managed. He finished the game and it wasn’t until we were halfway to the car after the game that he really let loose. 

Sometimes his body just takes over. He dropped his glove and bag and just stood there with tears running down his face. I managed to get him to the car where he finally released the energy he needed to release. He cried, and cried, and cried. He couldn’t speak. It’s the silence that really breaks a Mama’s heart. 

So, I start talking. “It was just a bad game”. “O, man…that was a suuuuuper shitty game”. “Terrible”. “We have to learn that you’re going to have both good games and bad games”. “We have to learn from this”. Blah, blah, blah.

All while the tears still stream.

“I’m done with baseball”. “I won’t go back”.

Those were the words he finally managed to get out after a few hours before I tucked him into bed. 

“That’s not how we do things, O, but for tonight…okay”. 

But here, my lovelies, is where the power of coaching comes in. The beautiful, amazing, brilliance of incredible coaches. The IMPORTANCE of coaches….who VOLUNTEER to HELP YOUR KIDS. 

The next morning I see an email from O’s coach with my son’s name in the subject line. Now, I have to say, even I was anxious opening the email because I was hoping it wasn’t a “suck it up” email.

As I started to read the words the coach wrote my own tears began to fall. The email was written to my son and it was sentence after sentence and paragraph after paragraph talking about improvement, growth and being the kind of kid that all coaches want on a team. It was about acknowledging a bad game and addressing the fact that that’s sport. It was saying “I’d draft you to my team again and again because of the kind, hard-working and coachable kid you are”. 

As I read the email to O, I could barely get through the message without tears again (but er…I’m emotional and kinda cry a lot when something impacts me). When I looked up after I finished reading his coach’s words I saw the best reaction ever. My son was beaming. BEAMING. He was proud.

(This is how his coach always talks to his players and how
I imagine he’d be talking to O as I read this email to my son.) 

His coach had just saved baseball for him.

His coach. A volunteer. He took time out of his own life, from his own family to help my child. He wrote words that my son will take with him his whole life. Of this, I am sure. He said things that could only come from a coach because the same words from his Mama wouldn’t have the power.

Moving forward:

After your child has a really bad game, followed by some pretty serious anxiety, taking him to the next game is a must. It’s not easy, but it’s a MUST. But, it wasn’t hard this time. He had confidence on his side because his coaches believed in him.

O has three coaches in baseball and each one has given him a gift that has led him to believe in himself again. They make him laugh, they coach him and give him jobs…all very effective ways of dealing with kids with lack of confidence and anxiety.

After that dreaded bad game, the coaches knew how to build him back up. But, not only did they know, they followed through and went the extra mile. The effort, time and words the coaches have taken with him to build him back up have been wonderful. It’s the little things: kind words, high fives, kneeling down and talking to him, acknowledging his strengths and also reinforcing the fact that sport is sport and you’re going to have good and bad days.

His coaches continue to teach him. They continue to push him. They continue to respect his needs and who he is. And as his Mama, the gift of incredible coaches to my child will be one of my most treasured gifts that he will receive. 

Coaches – through the grief and bitching I’m sure you get from some parents, through the time it takes to plan practices and get to every practice and game, through the demands we, as parents, put on you…please know there are people out there who are beyond grateful for all you do.

You changed my son. You gave him confidence in a way that I couldn’t. You reached out and made  him a better little man. You taught him. Honoured him. Respected him. 

I cannot ever, ever, repay you. 

If you ever doubt the power of your coaching, please know that you saved sport for my child. You saved baseball and he was so excited to go play his next game where he scored the winning run. And THAT…is everything to a Mama who works hard to build up her child while, at the same time, much of the world works to pull him down.

It’s comforting to know there are coaches out there on the same mission of raising incredible sportsmen. He may never play in the big leagues, but I absolutely know baseball will be a part of his life in a positive light…forever. 

Mad respect and gratitude to all coaches out there. From all the Mamas in all the land…thank you.

Oh…FYI…congrats to Triangle Baseball for your incredible coaches. What an amazing organization, I am proud to be a part of it.