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Why Team Sport is One of the Answers to Supporting Kids with Mental Health Issues

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I must admit that I am writing this on a high right now. I’m high from the gold medal my son, his team and his coaches won yesterday for his Atom season of hockey. I’m high on pride. I’m high on relief. I’m high on gratitude.

To say this hockey season was difficult for my son and I would be the understatement of the year. I’ve never ever seen someone battle mental illness the way my son did. So many times I wanted him to quit. So many times I begged for him to “please not do this to us today”. So many times I wanted to give up.

But, my son…he wouldn’t let me.

He wouldn’t quit on himself. He wouldn’t quit on his team. He wouldn’t quit on his coaches. He wouldn’t stop because he loves, loves, loves the sport of hockey. He refused to stay home and often times he’d be in the middle of a panic attack outside the dressing room (wracking sobs, hyperventilation, nausea, yelling) and I’d beg him “Why, Owen? Why? This isn’t fun…how is this fun”?

His answer was simple: “I love this game, Mom”.

So, we forged ahead.

This season my son has taught me what true perseverance is.

And yesterday, during the gold medal round that went into an overtime shootout, no one was more surprised than me to see his hand raise repeatedly to step on the ice and take a shot.

From a kid that battled, and I mean BATTLED all year…he wanted to be the center of attention and take a shot? What the actual f—-?!

And this, this is why sport is so important for kids with mental health issues.

Sport was a safe place for my child to battle. He was never judged (or at least not that I saw and I’m a fucking judge beacon just waiting for y’all to judge my son so I can “educate” you on what a warrior he is). He was never made to feel bad because of his panic attacks. He was celebrated when he entered a room. He was part of a team that honoured him for being him.

Sport gave my son a platform to focus on and eventually succeed. Sport allowed my son to be a part of a team and feel supported even when he felt his most lonely. Sport allowed my son to stomp on anxiety and depression if only for a few hours and raise his own trophy of strength and power in the air.

Sport did that.

But…things could have been so different. I must say that the team he played on, from the players themselves, to the parents to the coaches were the most supportive people I’ve met.

I must take this chance to give my most heartfelt thanks, gratitude and respect to his coach, Ian Taylor. I know that having Owen on a team can be a little intimidating. If you don’t know how to work with a child that suffers from anxiety, the panic attacks can look scary and I’m sure it is terrifying to try to understand what he needs.

Ian, through humor, knowledge, fist bumps, quiet chats on the bench and hugs allowed my son the platform he needed to handle what he needed to handle the way he needed to handle it. It is because of Ian that his players didn’t look at Owen differently. It is because of Ian that his players cheered any time Owen entered the dressing room. It is because of Ian that Owen had the confidence to raise his hand and step onto the ice to shoot during the gold medal overtime shootout.

To the parents of Owen’s teammates: thank you. Your kids should be celebrated and please let them know that their support of Owen has made me tear up on more than a few occasions. Please let them know that their unbridled excitement for Owen’s involvement on their team made him feel like a positive teammate and not a burden.

In fact, during the sem-final game, it was two of his teammates that skated up to him as he was having a panic attack on the ice at the boards as soon as he stepped on. It was his teammates that distracted him, told him he could do it and put him to work. It was his teammates that got him playing that game…not his coach, not his Mom…his teammates.

That is why sport is so important. What a foundation we’re building for our kids! If you’ve ever worried about putting your child with anxiety in sport: don’t. It’s hard. Often times it is heart-breaking…but a team sport can help more than hinder, especially if you have a coach and team like we had.

We’ve gone from not being able to get on the ice to, at the gold medal game, Owen walking into the dressing room smiling, joking and telling me to “beat it, Mom”. I can tell you right now it’s because of his coaches (not just Ian – Bruce, Trevor, Jody and Amelia…my utmost respect and gratitude for all you’ve done this entire year for my child) and his incredible teammates that Owen was successful

Here’s a quick glimpse into what Owen loved about his coach and how humor helps in sport:

“Owen and Ian, I’d love a picture of you guys today.”

“Ugh. No Owen, can you please just make a normal face?!”

“Ugh. Ian! Knock it off!”

“No seriously. GUYS! CAN I JUST GET A NICE PHOTO?!”

“Sheesh. Thank you.”

That was how the gold medal game started. Humor, support, love and compassion. That is his coach, 100%.

What a season. I’m not shy about saying I’m truly glad it’s over. It was exhausting and it left my heart and soul bruised more often than not as my son’s support warrior. But, for Owen, this showed him time after time that he could overcome, he could have fun and be free from anxiety.

He could succeed.

And there, my friends is the number one reason your child should be involved in sport. Even if they’d lost…my son won that game because during his final game…anxiety wasn’t present for a second. It was dismissed for the day and replaced with fun and excitement.

Thanks, Juan de Fuca Hockey Association for having such incredible coaches. It is because of the coaches you bring on that my child stepped over his anxiety and reached this level of confidence…and success.

Most importantly, thanks JDF Atom C1 – YOU ALL are the reason hockey still lives in our house and the love of the game still runs rampant through my son’s veins. xo

Snowy Days & Kiwi Crates Go Hand in Hand – Get Your Kids Building and Learning Before They Drive You Insane

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Winter, eh? We’ve been hit hard on Vancouver Island for the past week or so and yes, I know it is NOTHING compared to the Polar Vortex many of you are suffering through. With closed schools due to ridiculously low temperatures, or closures because of crazy amount of snow, you have kids in the house and I’m going to bet by day 3, you’re all going a little squirrelly.

I’m right, aren’t I?

I wanted to share with you a subscription box I received over Christmas from KiwiCo. KiwiCo is a subscription box for your kids filled with hands-on science and art projects. No electronics! Just super cool doing, learning and having fun.

I received the “Atlas” crate for my daughter who is 8 (going on 21) and the “Tinker” crate for my son who is 10. My daughter opened her crate right away and got to work building a globe and learning about where we live in relationship to the rest of the world.

My son? He looked at the box and wanted to go play his video game but opened it once he saw his sister working away on her globe. Much to both of our surprise…his crate involved building a catapult. So yeah…he was in it now and was busy, busy, busy for the next 4 hours building and playing the catapult game he put together and figuring out the best angles to win.

Once they had gone through the entire box of goodies, science and fun, they worked with one another to explain what each had done and what was included in each crate. It was really fun to watch them teach one another.

THEN…our neighbour friends came over and the discovery, teaching and learning continued as they worked through the workbooks included and playing with their “new toys they made”.

During a time when it is so simple to plug your kids into electronics on cold and blustery days, it was incredible to give the kids something to do that they were not only super excited to get to work on, but even more excited to show their friends what they did.

In total, my kids were busy for 5 hours the day they opened their crates and have been playing with the catapult and globe ever since.

With the cold weather and our kids being a little house-bound, this was an incredible “trick up my sleeve” to keep them learning, engaged and off electronics! They’re looking forward to next month when they receive their next crate! Honestly…they check the mail every day!

If you’d like to get a Kiwi Crate, you can get one for FREE if you click this link. You just pay for shipping! Pretty great, eh?

Hours and hours of fun, learning…and QUIET?! YES PLEASE!

CLICK HERE FOR YOUR FREE KIWI CRATE!

What Support Warriors Actually Need as We Stand, Support and Battle for Our Loved Ones with Mental Illness

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Let me start by saying this: being the “safe place” for my son as he battles his anxiety and depression is an honor and I am 100% grateful that I am his person. Never doubt that. Please. You have no idea the effort and “blocking” it takes to be the support person he releases all his ugly words, emotions and energy on during his moments of crisis.

I have incredible respect for those of you who battle mental illness. I call you Mental Health Warriors. To get up, get out of bed, be judged, work through it, get through each day and brave on to the next – you have my full and complete respect. But the following words are not for you. They’re for the Support Warriors who stand and fight beside you in not only your times of crisis, but every day you may or may not need us.

When my son is in the midst of a panic attack he becomes a different person. He’s angry. He can’t breathe. He cries. He yells. And he says the most heart-breaking words you could ever imagine your child saying. I won’t tell you what he says, because those are his words, his moment and you don’t have the right to know. But, they’re awful, hurtful, and tear my heart apart every time they leave his mouth and hit my ears.

At the end of the day, I know I’m loved. I know that when my son gets through an attack we will both be exhausted and raw. And, as much as I know he doesn’t mean the words he says during an attack, hard as I try, they do chip away at my heart and my confidence in being able to be what he needs. Once he’s settled, my heart and soul remain bruised and battered and need to be nurtured. And this is when Support Warriors feel their lonliest. After an attack.

Trust me when I tell you that Support Warriors are well aware of the work that goes into supporting mental illness. We know the strategies to try, we know what to do…or we don’t, but ultimately we’re doing the best we can with the tools we have at the moment. Unfortunately, most Support Warriors feel the need to constantly defend their choices, their tactics and their strategies to the public who know very little about what we go through.

When you see us working with our loved one to get them through an attack, we don’t want your advice. We really don’t. It’s distracting and takes our focus and energy away from the person who most needs it.

Please don’t tell me to get my child to breathe (he hates breathing strategies). Please don’t tell me to distract him (he hates distraction). Please don’t tell me to tell him to list things he can feel, smell, taste, etc…he also hates that. As a Support Warrior, I know all this. I’ve learned all this and for us…it hasn’t worked yet.

When I get my child through an attack, the last thing I want to hear is how I could have done it differently. Maybe tomorrow I’d be up for your opinion, but definitely not right after. I’m raw. I’m hurting. I’m relieved. I’m exhausted.

Advice, although well-intended, actually isolates us. It makes us lonlier than you could ever imagine. We’re not asking you for strategies in those moments. Truly. We’re asking you to give us space to support. We’re asking you to not judge us. We’re asking you to not judge the person we’re supporting. We’re asking you to support us, give us a hug when you can and tell us we’re pretty (just kidding…just tell us that you can see we’re doing the best we can in a really difficult situation).

For all of you Support Warriors out there, I’m here. I feel you. I appreciate you. I will battle beside you every single day. You are amazing. The words you hear, the emotions you absorb and the impact that energy has on your soul is crushing. I feel you. I hear you.

I am you.

You are not alone in this.

Not only do our Mental Health Warriors needs support, but the family members, the friends, the coaches and anyone else who is trying their best to help, empathize and encourage…they need your support. When we manage to get our Warrior through a panic attack, a bout of depression, an episode or whatever our Warrior is going through, we need to know that love and compassion await, not judgment on what we could be doing better.

We need you to check in on us. We need you to hug us. We need you to empathize. We need you to tell us how fucking strong we are because, trust me, supporting anxiety and depression is soul-crushing work. Would I change it if I could? F**K YES. I wouldn’t wish mental illness on anyone. But can I change this right now? No.

So, I need support and love. I need to know I’m not alone.

Support Warriors – you are fucking rockstars. You deserve all the self-care you can swing. You need to take a moment when your person gets through their attack to acknowledge how fucking SHITTY that was and that you ALSO made it. You are also a WARRIOR. You battle. You fight. You support. You love at times where you have all the anger and hatred directed at you. And yet…there you stand. Doing your best to get your Warrior to a safe place. YOU are their safe place.

Support Warriors – where is your safe place? Do you have one? Are you taking care of your own heart and soul to help you get through? I sure hope so. You’re important. You’re going to need counseling. Trust me. Get it. Find it.

My idea of self-care. Yoga in a beautiful place with amazing Hot Mamas.

You are not alone. You do not have to battle alone.

If you’re reading this and this has struck a chord with you, please reach out. If you need support in supporting – please reach out. You’re not alone. We can battle for our Mental Health Warrior, but do not forget to take care of you. If you’re feeling lonely, judged, pitied and like you’re not doing enough – welcome, my friend – you’re officially a Support Warrior. Now the goal is to support one another and build one another back up.

I will tell you over and over again how amazing you are. How strong you are. I would glue your heart back together and sprinkle glitter on your soul if I could to brighten your world. But I hope this post at least, in a small way, lets you know you’re not alone.

I’m here. Right beside you. Fighting. Every single day.

The Domino Effect of Deciding to Change

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We all know that change is hard. There are thousands of books written on how to go through the process of making changes for the better. There are thousands of articles on steps you can take to help you through the hard times. But honestly, the hardest thing about change, about pivoting something in your life, is that you have no idea, absolutely no idea if the change will actually be for the better.

I mean, sure, there are some decisions that you’ll make that are pretty dang clear, but I’m not talking about the easy decisions. I’m talking about those major decisions you need to make in this life of yours that change the entire path you’re on. These are the decisions you eventually need to just trust your gut, throw caution to the wind and…decide.

How daunting is that? It’s no wonder many of us sit stuck in a place because we’re too afraid to take even the smallest of steps in one direction. How can you decide something that will forever impact your life if you have no idea if it’s right or wrong?! 

But, at some point, you’ll need to throw your hands up in the air and either pivot or don’t. Make the move or don’t. Change or don’t. 

But, here’s the #1 thing I’ve learned about change:

Change is not just one decision and you’re done.
Change requires thousands of decisions and pivots.

Change starts with one decision and one pivot that dominos to many. It requires a decision to make a move, and that move will then need to pivot, then another pivot, then a pivot to that pivot, followed by an unexpected pivot and then probably 897,00+ more pivots. This is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as I’ve made some pretty major decisions in my life. 

Your decision to change, to pivot the way you’ve been leading your life, your business, your job, your relationship, whatever you’re changing doesn’t end with that one decision. That one decision snowballs and apparently, for the most part, most major decisions will impact every aspect of your world. I don’t say this to scare you, I just wish I’d known that when making major decisions I’d need to put on protective gear for all aspects of my life because one major decision has the potential to affect all areas of my life.

And honestly, whether the major decision or change you’re making is in only one area of your life, it’s going to affect that area PLUS all the other areas. Making a big work decision? It’s going to impact your personal life. Making a big personal decision? It’s absolutely going to affect your work life.

Oh Lindsay, stop being so dramatic. 

I know that’s what you’re thinking, but hold on…I’ll show you what I mean.

We’ve recently made a change to how I run my business. We’re testing out a new business model, moving away from franchising and into licensing. Now, this was a MAJOR decision and one I didn’t take lightly. I spent months and months agonizing about the decision. I did my research. I spoke to my mentors. I consulted successful business owners. I read, I researched, I took courses and I finally decided to make a change, to pivot my business.

Here’s what happened:

  1. I pivoted and was instantly filled with self-doubt.
  2. I lost sleep.
  3. I didn’t eat – that’s my stress response.
  4. The people around me panicked (change is hard and when you make a decision that impacts others…they’re going to panic).
  5. I worked like a fiend to prove that I made the right decision.
  6. I pushed my team to work as hard as me.
  7. I upped my exercise regimen because exercise is medicine for me and when stressed, I workout.
  8. I had little time or energy for my friends.
  9. I cocooned.
  10. I got sick.
  11. I worked long hours sacrificing precious family time.
  12. I then had to pivot my pivot and I didn’t see that coming. 
  13. I then had to pivot the pivot I initially pivoted. 
  14. Then all these new changes I made further impacted all the areas of my life and so the cycle repeats.

You see…one decision impacted the mental, social, physical and emotional areas of my life. Completely and totally. And, I still have no idea if I’ve made the right decision. I have to believe I did, but again…one change has led to 897,000 additional pivots (okay, that was a liiiiitle dramatic).

Change is hard. It can affect you physically (sleep, physical activity, food intake, alcohol intake, etc.), emotionally (stress, irritability, all-consuming self-doubt, etc.), socially (all relationships and how you function as a mother, partner, friend, etc.) and mentally (mental sharpness, ability to pay attention, thoughts and ideas, etc.). 

But the best thing I’ve learned about change? Even if you make a mistake, you’re one pivot away from a new direction. You’re just one decision away from redirecting yourself to where you’re meant to go.

Although change is hard and most big decisions will impact every area of your life, don’t stop. You have to continue to pivot. Did our first pilot test of licensing work? Maybe. I didn’t stay long enough in that decision to find out, I pivoted again and again because I listened to my gut. Did I give up? NOPE. I continue to pivot and adjust daily. And I will continue to pivot in this direction until I nail it.

We pivot. We pivoted the pivot. So, no matter what decision you make, whether it was “right” or “wrong”, you will absolutely, 100%, need to re-evaluate and adjust. I wish I’d known that. I wish I’d known that one pivot or decision isn’t enough. 

One decision leads to thousands. One change will lead to thousands of tiny, super significant pivots. 

It’s effing terrifying, isn’t it?! Trust me, as someone going through MULTIPLE changes, I know how you feel. But, the greatest consolation I can give you is that you’re one decision away from righting any mistake you’re about to make. So go on, change. And know that no matter what, whether that one decision you made was a mistake, you’re just one more decision, one more change, one more pivot away from getting on the track you truly desire to be on.

It’s not much of a consolation, is it? But, it’s something.

All this to say: Don’t be afraid of change. Make the decision, change your footing and remember it’s okay to pivot. Give yourself that permission. You’re not going to get it right the first time. But, I have to believe, at some point, I’m truly going to nail this. At which point…I’ll pivot…and make it even better. 

 

Raising Awareness & Supporting Mental Health Through Sport? YES. PLEASE.

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As many of you know, my sweet son battles anxiety on the daily. Some days he flies through his day and other days, it’s an emotional, exhausting and depleting battle for us both. I am his pillar of strength and I am his safe place. There is no bigger, more difficult, more important job than that one job I hold. Every battle we fight and win, we both celebrate. We know how important it is to communicate this battle and show our strength to the world. 

My son has approved this post and these photos and wants everyone to know that he is a fighter. 

Last week at hockey practice my son’s coach sat the kids down to have a meeting. I had no idea what was going to be said, had I known, I may have prepared my heart a little better. The coach started talking about teamwork, about how important it is to support one another. He spoke about not judging anyone’s behavior, reaction or displays of emotion. Then he spoke of raising awareness for mental health. He then brought up “Buddy Check for Jesse” and asked the kids to put green tape on their sticks for their upcoming game to support mental health. 

I ducked my head, buried my face in my scarf and tried to breathe through the rest of his speech. 

Why did that affect me so? Because we battle. And discovering that THIS conversation is happening in locker rooms took my breath away. It wasn’t long ago that you wouldn’t dare discuss depression or anxiety, especially during a team meeting. It wasn’t long ago that I would have tried to “hide” the battles my son and I have. But, I know better. And he knows better. He shows me how strong he is every single time he ties up his skates. I know what it takes for him to get out on that ice each and every time. And yet…he does it.

So, as I’m listening to our coach talk about supporting one another, encouraging one another and speaking up for one another, I realized we aren’t alone in this. It is campaigns and good work done like what is being done by “Buddy Check for Jesse”, that I can breathe a little easier and know education is out there, efforts are being made and people are listening to help and support mental health. 

Maybe more people will talk about mental health. Maybe more compassion will be given to my son as he battles. Maybe, just maybe, a child will be listening, really listening, and save a life by reaching out to a friend battling a war many don’t know goes on every moment of every day. 

As the coach was talking, my son looked up at me and said “He’s talking about me”. I told him he was talking about many people, not just him as I was worried he thought the coach was singling him out. He shook his head and said, “No Mama. He’s talking about me and my anxiety. He understands.” 

*Cue ugly cry.

The coach then said “Everyone needs a safe place. Perhaps you will be a safe place for one of your teammates”. My son, once again, looked up at me and said “You’re my safe place, Mama. He’s talking about you”. 

So, yeah, I was a crying mess in the locker room as our coach discussed the green tape the team would be taping on their hockey sticks for their game on the weekend. The tape players would use to show support and compassion and awareness for mental health. 

Raising a child with anxiety is difficult. Not the panic attacks or the worry itself (though trust me, those are gut-wrenching and so very hard), but the thoughts of “what if”. What if this gets worse? What if he gives up? What if I lose a battle? What if, what if, what if…I’m not enough?

Here’s the thing: maybe I’m not enough? Okay. I think that’s okay now. I think with increased awareness and education surrounding mental health, maybe it’s not just me battling for my son. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll find increased support from teammates, coaches and support staff. Maybe, just maybe…I don’t have to be the only one battling with my son. Maybe just maybe, this world will open its compassionate arms and embrace the battle of mental health.

I couldn’t be more proud to see all the green taped hockey sticks on the ice this past weekend. Green is the color for mental health and my son’s taped hockey stick meant so much to both of us. I love sport. I love sport so very much for so many reasons, but one of the biggest reasons is the confidence it gives my son to persist, to continue to battle and to know that he’s not alone…both on the ice or in his battle. 

Please check out the good work done by Buddy Check for Jesse.

 

It’s more than green tape. It’s awareness. It’s support. It’s realizing you’re not alone. It is this initiative that had our coach talking to his players about mental health and support in the dressing room after a practice. Our coach couldn’t have done a better job of it. I was humbled and proud and although a sobbing mess, so very comforted by the message our coach was sending to my son and his teammates.