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The Domino Effect of Deciding to Change

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We all know that change is hard. There are thousands of books written on how to go through the process of making changes for the better. There are thousands of articles on steps you can take to help you through the hard times. But honestly, the hardest thing about change, about pivoting something in your life, is that you have no idea, absolutely no idea if the change will actually be for the better.

I mean, sure, there are some decisions that you’ll make that are pretty dang clear, but I’m not talking about the easy decisions. I’m talking about those major decisions you need to make in this life of yours that change the entire path you’re on. These are the decisions you eventually need to just trust your gut, throw caution to the wind and…decide.

How daunting is that? It’s no wonder many of us sit stuck in a place because we’re too afraid to take even the smallest of steps in one direction. How can you decide something that will forever impact your life if you have no idea if it’s right or wrong?! 

But, at some point, you’ll need to throw your hands up in the air and either pivot or don’t. Make the move or don’t. Change or don’t. 

But, here’s the #1 thing I’ve learned about change:

Change is not just one decision and you’re done.
Change requires thousands of decisions and pivots.

Change starts with one decision and one pivot that dominos to many. It requires a decision to make a move, and that move will then need to pivot, then another pivot, then a pivot to that pivot, followed by an unexpected pivot and then probably 897,00+ more pivots. This is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as I’ve made some pretty major decisions in my life. 

Your decision to change, to pivot the way you’ve been leading your life, your business, your job, your relationship, whatever you’re changing doesn’t end with that one decision. That one decision snowballs and apparently, for the most part, most major decisions will impact every aspect of your world. I don’t say this to scare you, I just wish I’d known that when making major decisions I’d need to put on protective gear for all aspects of my life because one major decision has the potential to affect all areas of my life.

And honestly, whether the major decision or change you’re making is in only one area of your life, it’s going to affect that area PLUS all the other areas. Making a big work decision? It’s going to impact your personal life. Making a big personal decision? It’s absolutely going to affect your work life.

Oh Lindsay, stop being so dramatic. 

I know that’s what you’re thinking, but hold on…I’ll show you what I mean.

We’ve recently made a change to how I run my business. We’re testing out a new business model, moving away from franchising and into licensing. Now, this was a MAJOR decision and one I didn’t take lightly. I spent months and months agonizing about the decision. I did my research. I spoke to my mentors. I consulted successful business owners. I read, I researched, I took courses and I finally decided to make a change, to pivot my business.

Here’s what happened:

  1. I pivoted and was instantly filled with self-doubt.
  2. I lost sleep.
  3. I didn’t eat – that’s my stress response.
  4. The people around me panicked (change is hard and when you make a decision that impacts others…they’re going to panic).
  5. I worked like a fiend to prove that I made the right decision.
  6. I pushed my team to work as hard as me.
  7. I upped my exercise regimen because exercise is medicine for me and when stressed, I workout.
  8. I had little time or energy for my friends.
  9. I cocooned.
  10. I got sick.
  11. I worked long hours sacrificing precious family time.
  12. I then had to pivot my pivot and I didn’t see that coming. 
  13. I then had to pivot the pivot I initially pivoted. 
  14. Then all these new changes I made further impacted all the areas of my life and so the cycle repeats.

You see…one decision impacted the mental, social, physical and emotional areas of my life. Completely and totally. And, I still have no idea if I’ve made the right decision. I have to believe I did, but again…one change has led to 897,000 additional pivots (okay, that was a liiiiitle dramatic).

Change is hard. It can affect you physically (sleep, physical activity, food intake, alcohol intake, etc.), emotionally (stress, irritability, all-consuming self-doubt, etc.), socially (all relationships and how you function as a mother, partner, friend, etc.) and mentally (mental sharpness, ability to pay attention, thoughts and ideas, etc.). 

But the best thing I’ve learned about change? Even if you make a mistake, you’re one pivot away from a new direction. You’re just one decision away from redirecting yourself to where you’re meant to go.

Although change is hard and most big decisions will impact every area of your life, don’t stop. You have to continue to pivot. Did our first pilot test of licensing work? Maybe. I didn’t stay long enough in that decision to find out, I pivoted again and again because I listened to my gut. Did I give up? NOPE. I continue to pivot and adjust daily. And I will continue to pivot in this direction until I nail it.

We pivot. We pivoted the pivot. So, no matter what decision you make, whether it was “right” or “wrong”, you will absolutely, 100%, need to re-evaluate and adjust. I wish I’d known that. I wish I’d known that one pivot or decision isn’t enough. 

One decision leads to thousands. One change will lead to thousands of tiny, super significant pivots. 

It’s effing terrifying, isn’t it?! Trust me, as someone going through MULTIPLE changes, I know how you feel. But, the greatest consolation I can give you is that you’re one decision away from righting any mistake you’re about to make. So go on, change. And know that no matter what, whether that one decision you made was a mistake, you’re just one more decision, one more change, one more pivot away from getting on the track you truly desire to be on.

It’s not much of a consolation, is it? But, it’s something.

All this to say: Don’t be afraid of change. Make the decision, change your footing and remember it’s okay to pivot. Give yourself that permission. You’re not going to get it right the first time. But, I have to believe, at some point, I’m truly going to nail this. At which point…I’ll pivot…and make it even better. 

 

Raising Awareness & Supporting Mental Health Through Sport? YES. PLEASE.

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As many of you know, my sweet son battles anxiety on the daily. Some days he flies through his day and other days, it’s an emotional, exhausting and depleting battle for us both. I am his pillar of strength and I am his safe place. There is no bigger, more difficult, more important job than that one job I hold. Every battle we fight and win, we both celebrate. We know how important it is to communicate this battle and show our strength to the world. 

My son has approved this post and these photos and wants everyone to know that he is a fighter. 

Last week at hockey practice my son’s coach sat the kids down to have a meeting. I had no idea what was going to be said, had I known, I may have prepared my heart a little better. The coach started talking about teamwork, about how important it is to support one another. He spoke about not judging anyone’s behavior, reaction or displays of emotion. Then he spoke of raising awareness for mental health. He then brought up “Buddy Check for Jesse” and asked the kids to put green tape on their sticks for their upcoming game to support mental health. 

I ducked my head, buried my face in my scarf and tried to breathe through the rest of his speech. 

Why did that affect me so? Because we battle. And discovering that THIS conversation is happening in locker rooms took my breath away. It wasn’t long ago that you wouldn’t dare discuss depression or anxiety, especially during a team meeting. It wasn’t long ago that I would have tried to “hide” the battles my son and I have. But, I know better. And he knows better. He shows me how strong he is every single time he ties up his skates. I know what it takes for him to get out on that ice each and every time. And yet…he does it.

So, as I’m listening to our coach talk about supporting one another, encouraging one another and speaking up for one another, I realized we aren’t alone in this. It is campaigns and good work done like what is being done by “Buddy Check for Jesse”, that I can breathe a little easier and know education is out there, efforts are being made and people are listening to help and support mental health. 

Maybe more people will talk about mental health. Maybe more compassion will be given to my son as he battles. Maybe, just maybe, a child will be listening, really listening, and save a life by reaching out to a friend battling a war many don’t know goes on every moment of every day. 

As the coach was talking, my son looked up at me and said “He’s talking about me”. I told him he was talking about many people, not just him as I was worried he thought the coach was singling him out. He shook his head and said, “No Mama. He’s talking about me and my anxiety. He understands.” 

*Cue ugly cry.

The coach then said “Everyone needs a safe place. Perhaps you will be a safe place for one of your teammates”. My son, once again, looked up at me and said “You’re my safe place, Mama. He’s talking about you”. 

So, yeah, I was a crying mess in the locker room as our coach discussed the green tape the team would be taping on their hockey sticks for their game on the weekend. The tape players would use to show support and compassion and awareness for mental health. 

Raising a child with anxiety is difficult. Not the panic attacks or the worry itself (though trust me, those are gut-wrenching and so very hard), but the thoughts of “what if”. What if this gets worse? What if he gives up? What if I lose a battle? What if, what if, what if…I’m not enough?

Here’s the thing: maybe I’m not enough? Okay. I think that’s okay now. I think with increased awareness and education surrounding mental health, maybe it’s not just me battling for my son. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll find increased support from teammates, coaches and support staff. Maybe, just maybe…I don’t have to be the only one battling with my son. Maybe just maybe, this world will open its compassionate arms and embrace the battle of mental health.

I couldn’t be more proud to see all the green taped hockey sticks on the ice this past weekend. Green is the color for mental health and my son’s taped hockey stick meant so much to both of us. I love sport. I love sport so very much for so many reasons, but one of the biggest reasons is the confidence it gives my son to persist, to continue to battle and to know that he’s not alone…both on the ice or in his battle. 

Please check out the good work done by Buddy Check for Jesse.

 

It’s more than green tape. It’s awareness. It’s support. It’s realizing you’re not alone. It is this initiative that had our coach talking to his players about mental health and support in the dressing room after a practice. Our coach couldn’t have done a better job of it. I was humbled and proud and although a sobbing mess, so very comforted by the message our coach was sending to my son and his teammates. 

 

Hey September – Go Suck an Egg

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Oh, summer. I already miss you. I do. I mean, it had its struggles but…looking back as I’m in the shit of September, I truly miss you with all I am.

All summer long I heard Mamas around the globe say: “I can’t wait until September!”, “September can’t come soon enough!”, “I just gotta make it to September!”. I get it. Routine is back. Your kids are back to school. You have some structure. It’s not so hot. The fires are out (for the most part) and life is back to “normal”.

But, in all the glory that is September, does no one actually remember what a shitshow this month really is?! It’s a mother f**king gong show. 

Money, money, money.

Everyone wants a piece of my money tree.

  • It’s not just school supplies anymore, is it?! Your kids probably grew 8 feet over the summer, so no “fall” clothing will fit. A new wardrobe is in order. And hey, if your kids are getting older, there’s the fun time of them actually caring what they wear, so you have the added benefit of shopping with your children (*shudder*). That’s always a load of special fun that typically ends in eye-rolling (them), tears (all of us) and a bottle of wine (me) in the evening.
  • Hot lunch money – here you go! Swoosh…I swear I had money in the account earlier today…”NOT ANYMORE!”, shout the PAC! (no offense PAC…I love and adore the work you do!). 
  • Did you register your kids for their sports yet? Cuz…see ya later money. I’ll miss you.
  • Birthday parties. You’re going to need money for all the freaking birthdays that are in September…because many of you dirty birds had winter fever back in December/January and it seems like every single freakin’ kid was born in September! (er…my son’s is in October…so…um…I get it.)
  • And honestly, the list goes on and the e-transfers keep happening. 

Back to Routine = Tired Kids

Does no one remember how flippin’ cranky and tired our kids are when they go back to school?! They’ve just had 2 months of summertime fun! Late nights, sleeping in (for some of you…not in our house, because my kids Just. Don’t. Sleep. In!), slower mornings and lazy days. Days are now packed with social stimulation, brain work, sports, playdates and trying to fit it all it.

Kids are EXHAUSTED in September. Kids are ASSHOLES in September. 

I said it. Agree or disagree. I stand by the above statement.

Germs, Lice & All the Gross Things

Remember summer? When no one was sick and your scalp didn’t itch at the thought of “Little Johnny” all of a sudden showing up to school with a shaved head? Ahhhhh…bliss. 

I’ve already received the phone call to come to pick up my child because he isn’t feeling well. I’ve had strep throat myself and I fully blame all the grubby little germs my kids bring home from school. My daughter has had the sniffles for a few days and my son was in bed all day yesterday with skin the color of the puffy white clouds of summer.

The sickness of school has arrived in full force. 

Lice. I won’t talk about it too much right now. Your head is already itching, I know. I’m sorry. Just know those little buggers are out there. And at some point (soonish) that lice notice will come home in your kiddo’s backpacks and you’ll immediately drop everything and inspect all heads in the house. 

So Mamas…load up of the Tylenol, the Gravol, the essential oils of choice and the freakin’ lice treatment. You’re gonna need it. Soon. Also wine. Perhaps load up on that, too. I know I have. 

Anxiety is 10-Fold

Many of you won’t have to deal with this as much as we do in our house, but September is an awful month if you have a child with anxiety. They don’t know who their teacher is. They aren’t sure if their friends will be in their class. The year is ahead of them and they have no idea what will happen. That’s a pretty stressful thing for kids who like order, schedules and comfort.

Most children with anxiety like to play the “what if” game and it typically goes to the worst-case scenario. As a Mom, you’ll need all the tricks and tools you have to manage your child’s anxiety this month. It’s exhausting. We’re just over halfway through and I’m about tapped. But…of course, I will forge ahead.

On top of new teachers, friends and classrooms, September is typically the month when a lot of sports start. So, add on sports assessments (just the word is stressful), new coaches, a new team that you have to get to know and all the unknowns of a new year…you have the perfect storm for many-a-panic-attack from your anxiety-filled children.

Even if your kids don’t have anxiety, I find September to be a little nerve-wracking. My daughter has butterflies for awhile in September and she’s the most easy-going, glittery gal I know. 

So, while I agree routine is good. Getting into routine is hard. Come on, October. I’m waiting for you.

Lunches, school forms, homework…oh my! 

Have you all forgotten about making lunches? It’s only mid-September and I already want to throw a potato and a Ritz cracker in their lunches and call it a day. I can’t be the only one. 

School forms, sports forms and forms for things I didn’t even know I needed to have a form for have landed on my kitchen table and mock me every day. My hand is cramped and I’m sure I have carpal tunnel from all the form-filling-out. Stupid forms.

And last but not least, let’s not forget the joy that is homework. I love the homework battle, it’s my favorite – said no Mom ever. The last thing my kid wants to do is do more school after being in school. So yeah, that’s fun. 

AND…how could I forget?! HOME READING. ERMERGHERD. NOOOOOOOOOOOO! And hey…I know the importance of reading. I do. I love that my kids read. I’m an avid reader myself. But I’m that Mom that really doesn’t like getting read to. My patience is thin at the end of the day. The sounding out, the losing their spot, the finger-pointing. Did I mention the sounding out…of the SAME WORD…over and over again…well…

*deep breathing*

So, I say to you, September – GO SUCK AN EGG. I do not like you. I like you only because you’re beautiful (weather-wise) AND my Mama was born in your month (her parents were also perverts like all of you…go Grandma and Grandpa?!). Otherwise…I seriously cannot wait for October. Bring on the pumpkins, falling leaves and ACTUAL routine. 

October – you cannot come soon enough! 

Play Hard, Be Seen – Zapped Outfitters – My-Kid-Approved Outerwear (which is hard!)

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First, I’m going to tell you that Zapped Outfitters sent me a rain jacket and ball cap to trial and write about so this is a sponsored post. BUT…if you know me AT ALL, you know I don’t promote products unless I love, love, loooooove them.

And Zapped Outfitters?! I will support this company all day, every day. 

Why? Because it’s awesome. The Founder is awesome. The clothes are awesome. The products are awesome. The work they do is awesome. And my son actually LOVES their stuff. 

So, why am I so excited about his? BECAUSE! Zapped creates cool, hi-vis clothing, reflective backbacks, durable kids reflective shoes and so many more cool products I cannot wait to get my hands on!

Where do I begin to even start to tell you about this stuff?

Hmmmm…okay…last year my son and I were heading to an early-morning hockey practice. It was raining, it was cold, it was pitch black. We were walking through the parking lot in the dreary weather and my son almost got nailed by a truck in said parking lot. It could have been because it was early and the driver hadn’t had his coffee. Or, most likely, it was because my son was wearing a black rain jacket and black pants and the driver didn’t see him. 

Holy heart attack city, right? Blech. What an awful feeling. The good news is that he didn’t get smooshed that day.

Since then I’ve been on the lookout for a great jacket with some reflective material. But…my son is SUPER picky. A lot of times kids with anxiety have tactile sensitivities. Things just don’t “feel” right on their body and Owen is definitely a tactile kid. Sleeves are often too tight or too short or the material inside is too insert whatever-tactile-issue here.

So, when I heard about Zapped Outfitters, I thought, “YES! This could be it!”. But, I had my reservations. Because…well…did I mention how picky my kid is?

We received the rain jacket and ball cap in the mail last week. I opened up the package and…HOLY SMOKES…this stuff is niiiiiiice. Like…really, really nice. My son instantly picked up the reflective ball cap and said: “This is now my favorite hat”.

Excuse me, what?

YES!

 

So, then the real test came. I had to get him to try on the jacket. It looks super cool, the reflective material is really interesting and you can’t see it unless a light is shining on it…but fit and how it feels is important to my little man.

And…SUCCESS!

He’s worn it every day since we received it. And honestly, the reflective material is SO. COOL. Below is a photo of what the jacket looks like without light on it and then one with my flash, which shows what looks like in the dark when a light shines on it. 

  

So, why do I love this stuff so much? Because, the quality of the product is really, really good, my son actually likes and wears the gear AND it’s soooooo reflective and fun. I live in Victoria, so it’s rain, rain, rain all winter long and this jacket is the BOMB. They also sell reflective backpacks, durable kids shoes and reflective high tops! What?! I know! REFLECTIVE HIGH TOPS! I want some. 

Alas…it’s only for the kids. 

Anywho…Mamas! You gotta, gotta check out Zapped Outfitters. They’ve literally got your kiddo covered in reflective gear (that doesn’t look reflective unless the light is shining on it) from head to toe. This is such a cool and innovative company, I’m seriously in love.

The best part? I get to share it with you and YOU get 20% off by using LINDSAYGEE20 when you checkout. 

So, CLICK HERE, check it all out and then get your kiddo some reflective clothing, hats or shoes. I’m about to get Miss P the high tops…because…doesn’t that just scream Miss P?! 

I know that it’s weird to get all excited about clothing and whatever, but if I can make my kid more visible while he’s outside playing, I’m ALL in. Zapped Outfitters’ slogan is “Play hard. Be seen”…so, how could I NOT support and approve this company. I truly adore it. 

Let me know what you think if you get some of their stuff! We can have a Zapped Dance party in my backyard and make that reflective gear shiiiiiiiiine! 

Four Words I Taught My Son to Live By That You May Not Approve Of

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I write about my son quite a bit. We both like to educate people on how to help kids with anxiety and he’s always approved of the things I write about him. If you’ve read any of my blogs, you’ll know that he’s a super sweet, kind, funny kid who battles anxiety on a daily basis. You’ll also know that he’s not ashamed of it and advocates for himself and for others. You’ll know he’s pretty freaking awesome and that the bond between him and I is solid and strong.

What you might not know is that he is the #1 button-pusher of all button-pushers.

He’s the kid that will play the “I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you” game with his sister in the backseat. He’ll make noises incessantly just to annoy the s**t out of me and push me ever-so-slowly over the edge. You can see the wheels turning in his head with thoughts of “If I do or say this…I’m going to get a reaction”…and he’ll typically choose to do or say just to annoy the person he’s interacting with. 

It’s irritating and some days when I’ve given him my all and he decides that now is a good time to push my buttons, I want to take him to the curb, place him in the garbage can and walk away. Judge away. It’s going to get worse in a second…

The other day he and his sister were playing and although, in general, they get along, they also bicker and fight. Totally normal. But, my son likes to take things to the next level. Sometimes he does things to be funny, but it’s not funny, it’s hurtful and he knows it’s going to be hurtful, but he chooses to do it anyway. He chooses to be a jerk. It ends in hurt feelings, me yelling and my son….smirking. 

Anyways, my son and my daughter were playing and I could see things escalating. I could see his little button-pusher wheels start turning and I said:

“STOP! Just stop. Owen – I’m going to teach you four words I want you to run through your head any time you think you should do something, but you have a feeling like maybe you shouldn’t. I want you to run these four words through your mind ANY time you question your next move. I want you to live by these four words forever. Use them every day and make decisions based on them.”

He stopped. He looked at me and said “Okay…what are they?”

“Don’t. Be. A. Dick.”, I said.

“MOM! What?!”

“Yup. Seriously. Don’t be a dick.”.

And listen, it works.

Should I say these words and push this button?
Don’t be a dick.
Then decide.

Should I take this action that could cause harm?
Don’t be a dick.
Then decide.

Should I take advantage of this situation?
Don’t be a dick.
Then decide. 

At this point, he started giggling and said “Mooooooom”. To which I responded “I’m dead serious. Those 4 words should be your mantra and you need to start using them and live by them”. At this point, he walked away shaking his head, giggling. 

Two hours later I said “O – what’s your mantra?”.

“Don’t be a dick”. So…I know he heard me. I know he’s taken the lesson. I told my friends about it and they ask him and he can say his mantra quickly now.

Are you judging me yet? Probably. And, that’s okay. I’d probably judge me, too. But, for my son, cute and softer words don’t work. He needs an edge to his lessons and I’m happy to provide them. “Don’t be a jerk” wouldn’t have worked. It’s too soft. “Don’t be an asshole” was too much and I typically don’t advocate swearing (although for some, the word I chose is vulgar and offensive). So, I landed where I landed, which made him giggle…but also think. 

I taught my son his mantra a few weeks ago and although we joke about it a bit, the other day he told me he actually used it. He said he was doing something that he knew would annoy his friend so “I ran my mantra through my head and decided to not do it”. 

Well then. Okay. Success?

It’s weird and a bit of a vulgar mantra, but apparently it works. At least it works for my kid. Judge away if you want to, but for my kid, if he can run those 4 works through his mind before he decides to do something, he may save himself a lot of hurt and frustration in this life of his. As he gets older, we’ll expand on it, but for now…this works. 

I kinda wish everyone would live by this mantra. I feel strongly that if everyone just checked in with themselves before they do/speak/post/take action as to whether or not they’re making a dick-move, the world could be a better place. I’ve even caught myself a few times wanting to respond to a comment, email or message and have run those words through my mind and decided to respond in a different way. 

It’s actually quite liberating. 

All this to say…I’m parenting the way I parent and doing the best I can. The lessons I teach my children may be different than yours but hey…don’t be a dick. Let me parent how I choose to. I swear I’m doing a good job and I’m raising some pretty cool and kind kids, even if their messaging is different than yours.