I was scrolling through Facebook the other day and I read a post that a friend of mine had shared. The final sentence caught me off-guard because rarely do we ask ourselves the truly hard questions.
I read and re-read the last sentence in the post. I made myself a coffee and I went and sat in my backyard on the swing. I thought and I thought about the answer to the question asked and exhaled a breath of gratitude when my answer was “Yes.”
The question was simple but thought-provoking:
If you died today, would you be happy with how you lived?– Sheri Bialecki
You see, the past few years have been extremely difficult. My child was suffering, my marriage was broken, my business was extremely stressful and I had become someone I didn’t recognize (or like). If that question was presented to me a year ago, my immediate answer would have been “NO”.
But today, after careful thought and consideration, my answer is “Heck YES!”.
I’ve made some huge and hard changes in my life. I stepped back from a business I created and loved with all my heart. I still love it and will always support it, but my path is a new one now.
My marriage is getting stronger every day and there is laughter back in our home.
My child is getting the help he needs.
But, the best part? The best part is that I can breathe again. I’m doing things that make me happy. I’m doing things that help people…maybe not on the empire-building scale I was previously working towards – but on a level that fills my heart and soul.
I have time to sit with my kids and laugh and play. I have remembered how to be silly and light. I get to say “fuck” and not be judged…and if I AM judged…I don’t give a fuck…you’re probably not my people, so move along.
I’m comfortable with who I am as a Mother.
I’m comfortable with who I am as a wife.
I’m comfortable with who I am as a professional.
I’m even comfortable with who I am as a friend and I cherish those near and dear to me.
I’m comfortable. And, although not every day is rainbows, hearts and glittery unicorns (if only!)…if I was to die tomorrow, I would be happy with how I lived my life.
Though, I would regret never getting to Africa. That’s still a big one to check off.
I’m on the other side of a few really shitty, shitty years. But, I’m stronger and smarter and more dedicated because of it. I know who my true friends are and I know I can count on them. I know I’m a good Mama doing the best I can.
I also know I’m a good person and although I may have made mistakes in the past, I’ve grown and learned and become the person I am today.
- I’m the person that inspires hundreds (thousands?!) of people to love themselves.
- I’m a safe place for my child who needs a whole lot of love.
- I’m the place my husband comes for love and support and laughter when he struggles with his own “stuff”.
- I’m silly and quirky and loud and shy.
- I’m the person you can, 100%, turn to should you need a shoulder and/or a swift kick in the ass.
- I’m the person you can go to for a laugh or to sit and feel supported.
I get to be a lot of things for a lot of people. And, I’m finally in a place where I can choose who to allow in and who to keep out. I’m at a place where I get to live my best days with joy, hard work and a ton of perseverance.
I’m at a place where if I were to die tomorrow, I’d smile down (or up?!) at all of you (even the assholes) and wish you well. Oh yes, my answer would have been so different a year ago. So, I exhale gratitude for the trials I’ve survived and the place I stand in this moment.
I truly am a lucky woman.