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“Tired” Changes as Our Kids Grow – It’s Not a Competition, We’re All Exhausted

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I was talking with a few girlfriends the other day and we were reminiscing about the baby and toddler years. One of my friends said “I wish I knew what tired felt like back then”…and it got me thinking.

We’re all tired. No matter what stage of Motherhood we’re in, we’re all tired. Some days, we’re exhausted. But, comparing fatigue levels and one-upping one another seems a little silly to me.

As I was thinking about my reaction to my friends off-the-cuff remark (she wasn’t trying to stir anything up, it was just a conversation that got me thinking), I questioned why I wanted to defend the Mamas of newborns and little ones.

I realized, it’s not that we’re (the Mamas with bigger kids) more tired than Mamas of newborns, babies and toddlers…it’s simply that tired has changed.

I think until your kids are about five years you, the fatigue and the “tired” is physical. You’ve just either shot a watermelon out your cooch or you’ve been sliced open and your insides became your outsides for a bit, so recovery is tiring.

Then you’re nursing and going through teething and night terrors and growing pains. You’re not sleeping, so you’re still physically tired. You have to carry all the shit around – carseat, diaper bag, BABY, toys, food, bottles, binkies, babas and ALL THE SHIT around – you’re physically tired!

Honestly, the physical tiredness lasts until about five years old. So, new Mamas…you’re in for the long haul and this is one reason why being physically fit is super important! (I will talk about that in another post)

There are a few exceptions to the above, obviously. If your child is ill, or needs extra care or has a disability…your fatigue is different and your tired will be more than physical…I get that. But, for the most part, the tired of Mamas in the first five years of your kiddo’s life is physical.

THEN…YOU GO AND HAVE ANOTHER KID AND START ALL OVER AGAIN.

Sheesh, woman. Keep it in your pants.

Ha!

Moving on…

As our kids grow, I truly believe our tired turns to fatigue of our heart and soul. So, while the tired isn’t necessarily sleepless nights (or it is, but it’s because we’re worrying, not being woken up to “find a missing stuffy” at 2am), the fatigue comes from being a warrior for our kids for years on end.

We constantly have to teach, educate, protect, and stand for our kids. And that, my friends, is exhausting in a different way. No, you don’t have to change diapers in the middle of the night, but you will have to worry about your child’s happiness when they have social issues or they have a learning disability or they (gasp!) have a mental illness.

Your tired will come because you must constantly be the pillar of support for your child and again, while not physically taxing, your poor heart and soul really do some marathons out there.

I guess that is why I harp and harp and harp about taking care of your body (by moving it!), eating well, getting rest when you can and taking time to fill your bucket back up. Motherhood is tiring no matter what stage, so we need to put our health (physical, mental, social, spiritual) at the top of our priority list so that we have the energy required to make it through raising super amazing kids.

New Mamas – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your new baby needs is to be snuggled, fed, changed and loved.

Mamas to babies – hang in there. You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your baby needs is your heart, your smile, your love and your silliness (and the necessities of life, obvi).

Mamas to toddlers – OMG. You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your toddler needs is BOUNDARIES…and your love, support, education and knowledge of how to get on in this world they’re discovering.

Mamas to kids – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your kids need from you is for you to be strong enough to guide them through learning the ways of the world (not much to ask, is it?! Oy.) Be there for them, even on the most tiring days hug them and love them up. Let them know they belong.

Mamas to big kids – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your big kids need to know is that they are loved and adored and they belong in this world with you by their side. Let them feel your joy and your love. On their hard days, hold them closer even as they try to push you away.

Mamas to teens – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your teens need to know is that you are a safe place for them to come and be vulnerable. They need to know they’ll always be loved and adored and belong somewhere…and that somewhere will be with you when they choose to fall into your arms. Try not to be offended when they choose something else, just be there. Breathe. This too shall pass.

Mamas to young adults – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know that you’ve raised incredible kids and take a step back to appreciate all you’ve done and all you’ve guided. All your kids need to know is that there is always a loving and safe place for them to come home to. Arms open, Mama…even on the exhausting days.

Mamas to adults – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. All your kids need to know at this point is that you’re proud of them, that they are loved and that you remain a safe place for them to come home and be their authentically true and vulnerable selves. You’ve given this gift their entire lives, keep at it. You did a good job, Mama. A very good job.

To ALL the Mamas – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. I choose to not compete with you but to align myself with you and support and love you up. I choose to dole out what energy I have left after I’ve given it all to my kids and support you in any way, shape or form I can. I feel you, Mama. We will get through all of this and at the end of it…we will have amazing kids to show for it.

I just hope we can stay awake to appreciate it. xo

Facts About Mental Illness that You Absolutely Need to Know

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With five days left of #PushingForAwareness, I continue to be humbled by my son and his non-stop desire to raise awareness for childhood mental illness.

He has done 50 pushups for 46 days now (well, he still needs to get his done today but to be fair, it’s currently 5:12 am, so I’ll give him some grace here) to raise awareness and funds for childhood mental illness. Throughout this campaign, he has raised over $4000 and with 5 days he is bound and determined to reach his goal of $5000.

To donate: https://fundly.com/50-for-50-pushup-challenge-for-childhood-mental-health-aware-50-for-50-pushups-challenge

After battling for over 4 years, my son was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety, panic disorder and depression. He is 10 years old. He has officially called his mental illness “Dickson”. We hate Dickson.

Over the past 46 days of #PushingForAwareness I have learned a lot about mental illness and I thought I would share some of the most shocking stats I discovered.

Facts About Mental Illness:

  • 1 in 7 kids has a mental illness.
  • 1 in 5 actually gets the help they need.
  • 24% of all deaths in 15-24-year-olds are caused by suicide.
  • 49% of people who feel they have suffered from depression have never gone to a doctor.
  • On average, there has been a 188% increase in emergency room visits from 2007 to 2018 for ages 5 to 24 (229% increase for ages 5 – 9).
  • Untreated anxiety often leads to depression. Depression rarely (if ever) leads to anxiety.
  • 4.4 million kids have been diagnosed with anxiety, 1/3 of those have depression (32.5%).
  • 100% of Canadian will be affected by mental illness at some point in their life.
  • Mental illness is the #1 disability affecting people around the world. READ THAT AGAIN. NUMBER ONE.
  • 6% of the Canadian healthcare budget is dedicated to mental illness; that number should be closer to 30% to account for the people with disabilities and mental illnesses.

If you think that mental illness is not a “real” issue in this world, think again. The great thing? There is help now and if we get our kids help NOW, they may not have to battle their entire lives. If we get our children help NOW, they may not experience depression and the darkness that brings to their lives.

If we get our children help NOW, we’re arming them with tools and strategies to fight their illness with all they are. They may need medication, they may need strategies, they may need counseling…DO IT ALL.

My son wants you all to know that he will continue to push for awareness far after this campaign is done. He’s already asked what we are doing next to help…he has his mind set on creating “Dickson Sucks” sweatshirts…I kind of adore that idea.

We’re pretty damn bonded, this kid and I. xo
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I hope these facts are staggering to you. I hope these stats are eye-opening. I hope the friggin’ government reads this and all the other stats out there and opens their damn eyes to the help that is required for the people suffering who needn’t be suffering.

There is help. There are medications. There are people who can support mental illness. I’m one of them and I will fight Dickson beside my son until the day Dickson shrinks to a manageable size for my son or I die. I prefer the non-dying option.

If you have a child that you feel is suffering from anxiety, depression or any other mental illness, the best resource I’ve found is called FamilySmart. They put you in contact with a leader in your area that can help you navigate through the over-worked system that is mental health and find the resources available to you. Please reach out to them at www.familysmart.ca.

5 Quick Snacks to Tide You Over This Summer

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Life is busy, busy and I find that if you plan in advance, you can easily have quick snacks at the ready for those times when you need something fast and easy as you’re managing your crazy summertime life schedule.

Aside from carrying a water bottle around with you (filled with vodka, so no one suspects a thing), I have 5 go-to snacks that help me get through the loooooong summer days and our crazy schedule/

My Favorite Five Quick Snacks:

#1 – Baileys. It’s not just for coffee anymore, my friends. Carry a bottle of Baileys around with you all summer long and you can easily transition from breakfast to afternoon snack. It’s delicious and the added weight in your purse will give you that strength workout you’ve been searching for. Hello, deltoids!

Put the Baileys in your coffee in the morning and over ice in the afternoon. Be sure to use an insulated mug to keep your coffee hot and your ice cold. This snack is calorie dense, so you won’t get hungry AND everything will be delicious.

Warning: You cannot drive with this snack, so plan accordingly.

Why the calories don’t count: It’s summer. You’re surviving. ‘Nuff said.

#2 – Big Cup Peanut Butter Cups. You know you’re going to be toting around a cooler all summer long, so pack these two perfect beauties and set them next to your ice pack for a refreshing and delicious mid-morning or afternoon or late night pick-me-up.

Don’t mess with the mini peanut butter cups – too much work. You know you’re going to eat all 50 minis, so grab the pack of two Big Cups and get on with it. There are only two of them, so you’ll be less likely to have to share with anyone. The minis? Share galore – that’s awful stuff, don’t do that to yourself.

Why the calories don’t count: Summer is so busy you’ll be running around enough to burn the extra delicious calories.

Warning: Peanut allergy? Do not eat these. You will die and that would be awful.

Why I recommend this snack: Um, hello. Have you met a peanut butter cup you didn’t like?! They’re delicious! And I’m certain there’s protein in peanut butter, so you’re now building muscle…peanut butter cup muscle. Woop!

#3 – Two-bite Brownies. There are days when you’re going to have to share and I find that the amount of brownies in a package of two-bite brownies is sufficient to satisfy your personal desire for yum yum yumminess and share with a friend (or your kids, if you have to).

Why the calories don’t count: It’s summer, yo. Fuggetaboutit.

#4 – Bag-O-Chips. I realize not all of you have a sweet tooth, so here’s one for you salt lovers out there. Grab any bag of chips and enjoy. I personally think the Presidents Choice chips are the best. Yummy flavors, thicker cut, inexpensive (so we’re being summertime economical, go us!)…SO YUM.

Warning: Eat chips around me and I’ll smack the bag out of your hand. You keep your crunchy mouth noises away from me, you hear me?!

Why the calories don’t count: Chips are potatoes and potatoes are good for you. Add the salt to sop up any alcohol you may consume and BAM….look at you taking care of your salty self. YAY YOU!

#5 – Dairy Queen or any other fast food ice cream. While you cannot pack this, this is a quick go-to for summer road trips. Watch for that beautiful, big read sign and turn into the parking lot.

There may be lines, so don’t forget to sip from your water bottle (see note above and reminder photo below as to what to have in there). Order whatever the heck you want and enjoy your sweet treat.

Why the calories don’t matter: You’re making memories, baby. Your kids will remember how you always turn into DQ and their squeals of delight cancel out any fat and calorie intake. If you have no kids, you’ll remember how you always turn into DQ and you’ll smile because it is ALWAYS good. Plus, self-care. Look at you taking care of your needs. Good for you!

There you have it. A quick list of easy-to-grab snacks to help get you through the summer!

They’re not good for you…at all. But, they’re delicious. And sometimes, just sometimes you need to ease up on the reigns and enjoy life for a moment.

I guess I do have to say that this piece is pure silliness. While I recommend ALL of the above (except maybe all the drinking and some of the “facts” above), I’m totally joking with this piece. But, I do want you to enjoy your summer and lighten up a bit with respect to the guilt you put on yourself for having a treat.

Keep active. Eat well. Treat yourself when you want to.
Zero guilt this summer.

It’s Hard to Be Excited When Your Completely Exhausted

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I remember dreading summer last year. Dreading it. I 100% did not want my kids out of school and I 100% did not want summer to start.

I saw other Moms posting things like: “I can’t wait to have my kids home with me all day” and “I can’t wait to make memories with my kiddos all summer”. I’m not kidding when I tell you that I practically dislocated my eyeballs from rolling them so hard and was muttering “fuck off, already” at my screen more times than I care to share.

Last summer I was exhausted. I work from home and that doesn’t mean I’m a stay-at-home Mom…let me be perfectly clear…I work longer hours than most people BECAUSE I work from home. And summers? Summers are harder than anything else.

Why?

Because the pressure is ON to make summer memories for my kids. So, I wake up at 4 am and get 6 hours of work done by 10 am so I can make those GD memories all summer long. Come September…I’m burned out and exhausted.

Early morning require bombass big mugs! Thanks, Chris!

Last year, I had zero reserves. I started the summer exhausted. I remember my kids asking if I was excited about summer and the shitty reality is that I told them “No. No, I am not”. Which I’m sure was pretty damn hurtful.

I was barely surviving last year. I was exhausted in June. I started the summer burned out. I was angry, irritable and overworked. I was unhealthy, sad, depressed and so full of anxiety that I couldn’t breathe.

But, I woke every morning, put my time into my business and tried so hard to get water from this stone.

It was not our best summer. At all. But, we did manage to have some good times.

But this year? I CANNOT WAIT! I’m one of those Moms who is ACTUALLY looking forward to spending time with my kids!

Why?

BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO REST! I’m not starting the summer in a deficit.

Hey, I know by the end of summer I will be tired and done and ready for my twerps to get back to class, but…then I have 10 months before I have to do that all again. I will get up and work at 4 am because I truly cannot wait to explore with my kids. I will put my phone away for hours on end (something I felt I couldn’t do before) and I will live my summer with my kids…beside them, not dragging behind them willing it to be over.

I’m rested, my friends. And that makes ALL the difference in the world. You truly cannot be excited about things if you’re exhausted. There is no physical way you can fake your way through that. Trust me, I tried.

I am finally looking forward to summer again. And that…feels so good.

Our Dog Helps Us Battle Mental Illness

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Her name is Sunny Spot and she is a rottweiler. Terrifying, right? Bahahahaha…if you’re terrified of big, sweet, loveable, wouldn’t-hurt-a-fly babies then yes, she’s super terrifying.

Her name is Sunny and she is one of the most effective tools we have in our support toolbox for managing my son’s anxiety (which he has officially named “Dickson”, lol). My son has asked me to write this post about him and his dog because she is critical to his comfort, safety, security and managing his anxiety.

We surprised my son with Sunny about 5.5 years ago and he immediately fell in love. She has always been and will always be “his” dog. She sleeps on his bed every night and she can hear him playing at school when he’s out at recess or lunch (our house backs onto his elementary school). She will whine at the back door if she hears him playing and greets him at the front door when he gets home from school. When he leaves, she watches him go every day, sighs, sleeps and waits.

Baby Sunny

When Owen started having panic attacks he would immediately run to her when we got home. If you’ve ever had a conversation with my son, I’m certain Sunny will be brought up. No one, and I mean no one, who knows my son doesn’t know that we have a dog named Sunny.

As Owen’s panics started growing and anxiety started ruling our lives more and more, Sunny’s love and comfort became a critical piece to managing the hard days. I truly do not know what we would have done without her. He often got through a panic attack and would immediately say “I just want to get home to Sunny. I really need her now”.

Doing what she does best…lovin’ up on my son.

The best part? Sunny knows. On hard days, she stays close. She comforts. She loves. She protects. She gives and gives. On easy days, she…stays close, comforts, loves and protects…LOL.

She’s an incredible dog and has become a major part of Owen’s recovery. She is a huge part of his counseling and is officially a character in his strategy to shrink his worries.

The bond between a boy and his dog is strong. But the bond between Sunny and Owen is 1980’s megahold hairspray strong. Unbreakable. Wonderful.

If your child suffers from a mental illness and you’re able to, I would highly recommend you get a dog. There are a lot of lessons she has taught Owen, from responsibility to forgiveness (she eats a lot of his toys), to learning what it takes to take care of a live animal (it’s a lot). But one of the greatest lessons she’s taught us is the power of complete and total acceptance and unconditional love.

Dogs don’t judge. Dogs don’t hate. Dogs don’t make fun. They simply love you for who you are on the good days and the bad days. They love and love and love and all that love builds a bed you can crawl on to recover, rest and become whole again.

She is the greatest gift we’ve ever given Owen and when we got her we had no idea how critical she would be to our son’s growth as a human. We had no idea how critical she would be to our son’s recovery from mental illness.

If you have a child who battles, I would absolutely, 100% urge you to consider bringing a dog into your world. They take a lot of work, but if you make the dog your child’s dog…I’m almost certain he or she will feel more supported than ever before.

Dogs help with anxiety. Well, at least ours did. And I, for one, am extremely grateful for that big goofball. Even if she does eat entire bags of chocolate chips (bad), all the bagels off the counter (bad), roast chickens fresh from the oven (very bad) and my shoe (very, very bad).

Also…she’s MY dog, dammit. MINE. He think she’s his, but…oh fine…she’s his but I get my snuggles in every now and then when he’s still sleeping.

Get a dog, my friends. They help in thousands and thousands of ways.