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Question to Ask Your Postpartum Friends – Signs for Postpartum Depression

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There’s nothing like a new baby in your world, is there? I mean, not your new baby, someone else’s baby! A new squishy for you to hold, snuggle, sniff and love. A new squishy to hand back to Mama when she starts squawking, fussing or crying. It’s magical, beautiful and one of life’s incredible gifts when one of your nearest and dearest friends has a new baby, isn’t it?

But, we all know how difficult Motherhood can be. No matter if it’s your first, second, third or ninth (yow!) baby, a newborn completely changes your world. Sleep deprivation, recovery from birth, hormonal shifts and the all-consuming feeling of inadequacy can often overwhelm new Mamas. We all know that. And, if you’re anything like my friends, you show up with support, love and compassion.

We bring coffee, pizza, cinnamon buns, trail mix, a salad, wine, peanut butter cups, ear plugs, a sleep mask and a kobo gift card because 2am feelings get boring.  We have no idea what our friend is going to want or need so we just bring everything to support, lift and love our friend. We show up. We help out. And now, in this day and age, we get to also help our friends by guiding them through their postpartum months and a big role we get to play now is to watch for signs and symptoms of postpartum depression. 

Yes, it’s our job now. Or dammit, I’m saying it is from this point on!

I was diagnosed with postpartum depression when my son was six months old. In the nine years since my diagnosis, I am thrilled with the increased awareness surrounding postpartum depression. Nobody talked about it when I was diagnosed and nobody really knew what to say. So, I didn’t tell anyone (except my bestie) and got through the darkness with time and exercise. 

But, Mamas…it isn’t like that any longer. As her friend, don’t just sit there and listen to her tell you how she’s not sleeping “but it’s okay” or that some days are pretty overwhelming “but it’s okay”. Don’t just watch her go through this. Don’t agree that it’s “normal” to feel these things (I mean, it is…but you need advocate for her when she can’t advocate for herself).

Ask questions. Dig deeper. See if there is something going on that she may need help with. Don’t be shy. What I wouldn’t have given for someone to say to me “Linds, I think you have a problem. You’re amazing. But, let’s see if we can’t get some help”. I. Would. Have. Given. Anything. And I did…when my bestie told me to get to the doctor. What a relief it was to have someone say those words to me. I tell you, when you’re in it, you think you’re crazy, selfish and oh-so-alone…but then someone says “Houston, we have a problem”…and that ball of worry in your tummy releases just a little.

So, watch your friend. Sit with her. Take her baby when he’s fussing. Tell her to sit down and relax. To breathe. And start a conversation. 

Here are some questions you can ask to see if your friend may be suffering or heading towards postpartum depression:

“How’s your body feeling?”
“Are you getting any sleep?”
“Are you eating properly?”
“Newborns can be so hard, are you getting any rest?”
“Do you find yourself getting snippy over little things”
“Are you getting out to visit friends?”
“Have you gone out and ______________ (insert activity she typically does?”
“How does it feel to be Mom to ____________ (insert name of new squishy here?”
“No honestly, how are you feeling?”
“Have you ever thought about harming yourself? Your squishy?” (This is a suuuuuper difficult question to ask, but ask it, it could save a life).

These questions can all be asked in conversation. If she’s a good friend, don’t accept off the cuff “It’s so great!”, “I love Motherhood”. You know your friend…is she being truthful? Also, don’t bring this list and fire off all these questions at once. Ask because you want to know the answers. Listen to what she’s saying. Listen to her voice. Watch her face, her hands and her body. You’ll know. You’ll see a change. 

The most important questions you can possibly ask: “Are you ok? How can I help? Do we need to go talk to someone?”.

Don’t be afraid of pointing out your concerns to your friend. If anything, it may come as a relief that you’re acknowledging her feelings, that you’re taking control in a world she feels like she has little control of at the moment and that you genuinely care about her and her well-being. Ask the question, Mama. 

“Do we need to go talk to someone? I’m worried about you, my friend.”

As you sit and snuggle your friend’s new squishy, here’s what you’re looking for in your friend:

  • Mood swings
  • “Excessive” crying (any crying, really…just be aware)
  • Withdrawing from family and friends (hence the reason we ask if she’s getting out)
  • Change in appetite (too little or too much)
  • Serious fatigue and loss of energy
  • Insomnia OR sleeping too much
  • Fear of being a terrible Mama
  • Feelings of overwhelm, angst and worry
  • Serious anger and irritability
  • Thoughts of harming oneself or the baby (this is a scary one, but needs to be addressed head-on…don’t be scared, ask the question)

Now, this isn’t a complete list, but it’s as complete as I can get right now. You know your friend. Talk, talk, talk and watch, watch, watch. With love and compassion. No judgment. And when the time comes to suggest that she may have postpartum depression, offer to take her and her squishy to the doctor. Offer to go with her. She may or may not take you up on your offer, but ask. Then, check back. Don’t just bring up postpartum depression and let it float in the breeze. Follow up and make sure your friend is getting the help she needs.

You’re a good friend. So stay strong and ask the difficult questions. Be a pillar of support and compassion as you navigate postpartum depression with your friend. 

And, if YOU are reading this and any of the above rings true for you, please reach out to your loved ones and let them know you’re struggling. Someone will take your hand and help pull you out of the darkness. If you don’t have anyone, please CLICK HERE for a list of resources and reach out to ME…and I will help you crawl out. 

We’re a united team, Mamas. We stand tall and battle for one another. Be strong. Be powerful. Be there. 

 

The Most Important Question You Should Ask Someone on Their Weight Loss Journey

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Working in in the fitness industry for over 22 years I’ve seen a lot, and I mean a lot of programs, trends, secret formulas and fads come and go when it comes to helping women on their weight loss journey. Typically, those programs throw out claims like “Lose 20lbs in 20 days”, “One month to a shredded new you” or some other such nonsense. But, the thing that really sticks in my craw? 

It works (no, not the wraps…don’t even get me started). That marketing works. It’s effective and you plop down your hard-earned money and buy the product/program/magic pill.

You spend your money on their marketing. And hey, I’m not judging you at all, I get it. I’ve bought those programs myself. Everyone wants a quick fix, a secret formula, a magic pill that melts fat off my cellulite-dappled ass. A lot of people, and I’m talking 80+% of women when asked if they could lose a few pounds say “yes, absolutely, I want to lose weight”. 

But, my questions is why? Why do you want to lose weight? Health reasons? To fit into your jeans again? Improve your quality of life? More energy? What is the real reason you want to lose weight?

I would suggest to you that the real reason you want to lose weight is that you’d like to feel better in your own skin. Yes, yes, yes…some of you need to lose weight for health reasons and your doctor has prescribed exercise (I seriously love those doctors) but for the majority of the women I’ve spoken with, you simply want to feel better, have more energy, love yourself again, be more confident. 

That…has nothing to do with losing weight. That has everything to do with how food and fitness can make you feeeeeeeeel.

I’ve created numerous programs through Hot Mama. I’ve created a 12-week fitness and nutrition education program called Body Smarts. AMAZING RESULTS. I’ve developed at 28-day at-home workout program called IGNITE designed to increase energy. AMAZING RESULTS. I’ve created a 10-day reset program called Back on the Bandwagon. AMAZING RESULTS.

With all of these programs, women comment in our Support Squad FB Groups about the inches and pounds lost. Do you want to know what I immediately ask them? The number one question you should always ask someone who is on a new fitness and nutrition/weight loss program?

“But, how do you feel?”

That is what you should be asking someone who is trying to “lose weight” or “get healthy”. 

“How do you feel?”

There are a lot, a lot, a lot of programs out there where you can lose weight. But, they’re not all designed and developed to leave you with energy and feeling amazing. I can’t tell you the number of women I’ve talked with as they’re going through a “30-day shred” or “cleanse” or whatever the heck magic potion they just bought and I ask “how do you feel” and they say “I’m so tired. Exhausted. Horrible. TERRIBLE”. 

Sure, sure…the beginning of any new program is difficult. You’re changing habits, breaking cycles and “shocking” your body with *gasp* movement and healthy food. Your body needs time to adjust, to go through sugar withdrawal, break cravings, adapt to you drastically changing how you’ve been living your daily life! But, at the end of the program, if you’ve lost weight but still feel terrible…is that a good program? 

Is that the way I’m supposed to market my programs? Because I refuse. 

Here’s an example: I created a program called Screw the Scale. It’s a fitness program that not only takes you through 6-weeks of workouts and fitness education but it also it incorporates self-love exercises and focuses on using fitness as a tool to really learn to love your body as it is, right now.  

Screw the Scale is an emotional program. It’s hard work. It’s one of the best programs I’ve ever designed if not the best. But, it’s not a hot seller. Why? Because YOU HAVE TO DO THE WORK. There’s no secret formula. No quick fix. It’s emotional. You’re going to cry. You’re going to sweat. And, at the end of the program, you’re going to send me messages saying things like: “I’ve never loved my body this much” or “Screw the Scale has completely changed how I feel about my body, myself and my energy…I love me again”. 

Did people on Screw the Scale lose weight? Probably. Do I care? Nope. I care how you feel. 

“How do you feel?”

So, I guess I stand tall against typical fitness marketing and hope to God the shift we’re seeing towards loving your body no matter what continues. I refuse to market my programs where the focus is on weight loss. Will I mention it? Yup. Mama needs to hook you somehow and apparently telling you that you can love your body, be more confident and have more energy isn’t enough. But, I swear to you, Mamas, the focus of all I do for women is on making you feel better, love yourself and have more energy to get you through your beautiful life.

I beg of you, help me shift the conversation. The next time you speak with someone who is trying something new and trying to lose weight, don’t ask them how much weight they’ve lost, ask them how they feel. 

It’s the MOST important question you can ask someone on a fitness and nutrition program. The. Most. Important. Question.

“How do you feel?”

Stop the Excuses: Just Get Off Your Ass and Move Your Body

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The amount of time people put into making excuses as to why they don’t have time to workout blows my mind. I know, I know…we’re all super crazy ridiculously busy. Some may even say we “glorify” busy. But think…if you added up all the time you talked about working out AND all the time you felt guilty about not working out…you’d have time to workout. 

Seriously. You plan to workout tomorrow. You get your stuff ready. Then tomorrow comes and the day gets away from you. You spend a few minutes trying to figure out how to make it work. Then you spend a few minutes berating yourself because you just won’t be able to make it work. Then you spend a few minutes feeling guilty for berating yourself. Then a few more minutes spinning around in your chair contemplating how guilty you’re feeling. You’ve literally just spent 10 minutes of your day contemplating your workout when you could have been working out. 

Remember, workouts don’t have to take hours on end. In fact, a lot of current research indicates that a solid 20-minute high-intensity sweat sesh could be more beneficial to every day living than those extended low and slow workouts we all used to grind through back in the 90’s.

So, when you think you don’t have time to workout. You do. I know you do. Instead of putting the effort into all the guilt you feel for not working out and rearranging your schedule, just get off your ass and move your body. 

M’kay?

Not sure what to do? No problemo. I do. 

Workout Suggestions:

Try one of my podcasts where I literally talk you through your workout: Dig Deep with Dr. Lindsay Gee

Upper Body Strength Workout? Okie dokie: CLICK HERE

Cardiobox Workout? You got it: CLICK HERE

At-home Body Weight Workout? Sure, you bet: CLICK HERE

Strength AND Cardio Workout? YAY, alright: CLICK HERE

So there you go! A bunch of workouts you can do riiiiiight at your fingertips. Tie up your laces, grab your earphones and get to work. Stop berating yourself for not getting active and JUST GO GET ACTIVE. You’ll be so glad you did. 

I Ate Peanut Butter Balls Every Day for 2 Weeks – Here’s What Happened

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Lately, I’ve seen a lot of articles like “I drank lemon water every day for 2 weeks – here’s what happened” or “I put cayenne on everything for 2 weeks – here’s what happened”. So, me being me, I wanted to jump on that bandwagon and do my own experiment.

With peanut butter balls. Because…well…I’m me. 

I’ve taken the list of effects others have written about magic lemon water and spicy, blow-your-buns-out food and ran my own peanut butter ball experiment. 

The results are staggering.

Complexion Enhancer

After two weeks of peanut butter (not even the natural kind, because honestly, why the eff would I do that?!), rice crispies, powdered sugar and semi-sweet chocolate my complexion is…oily. AKA: shiny and fresh and feels super smooth and slick. There may be a few more pimples on my chin and forehead but the oil makes me shine like those young, fresh-faced annoying 20-something’s complexions that seem to glow no matter what time of day it is. I’m pretty sure I’ve taken about 10 years off the look of my face simply due to the excess oil.

I consider this a win. 

Immune Booster

Peanut butter is a “known” immune booster. You didn’t know that did you? Well, let me fill you in. It’s packed with Vitamin E and “flu-fighting” anti-oxidants, so my experiment was well-timed because I’ve been fighting this nagging cough/chest/sore throat/cold thing for about 6 weeks now and I’d love some relief. Also, I read on the interweb machine that peanut butter is an incredible immune booster, so I’m sure it’s true. 

My results? After 2 weeks of eating peanut butter balls (maybe more than one – stop judging me) every day, I still have this f**king illness and it’s kicking my arse every day. Perhaps I need to go to the doctor? Maybe there are meds (I think they’re called penicillin or some other fancy word I can’t remember). I will let my doctor know that I DID dose with peanut butter and I’m sure he’ll be super surprised that didn’t work. 

Prescription meds, it is.

Good try, peanut butter balls…you failed this one.

Weight Loss Aid

Hold onto your panties, Mamas, because this one is going to shock you.

I gained weight. Didn’t lose an ounce. 

I’m as shocked as you.

(And yes, I’m in my bathroom. I’m hiding. I don’t share peanut butter balls)

Mood Booster

I ate peanut butter balls for 2 weeks every day…how could my mood not be boosted? I mean, seriously. You pop those little balls into your mouth (wait, what?!) on the daily, you bet your sweet buns I’m feeling amazing. I mean, the weight gain’s got me a little down and I still feel like ass because of this cold, but my skin is oily and glow-y and I LOVE eating peanut butter balls. So…my mood? 

BOOMSHAKALAKA!

Heck yeah I feel good about myself.

Except when I don’t. Like, after my 5th one in a day, that’s a bit much. I got a little bloated and seem to be retaining water. I blame the sugar for that one, not the peanut butter. Or the chocolate. I would never EVER blame those two gifts from the heavens above.

Peanut butter balls for 2 weeks = joy and happiness. 

But then regret and something akin to…disgust? I can’t believe I just wrote that. I take it back. If only there was a way to erase what I just wrote! The horror!

The Results Are In

If you’re looking for a way to grease up your skin, boost your immune system (but not really), gain weight and experience moments of euphoria followed by moments of guilt and regret, peanut butter ball eating for 2 weeks on the daily is for YOU! 

Obviously, this was a single subject experiment and your experience may differ.

But, I think it may be time for me to knock it off and eat a…vegetable. Or a salad. Maybe time to get in a sweaty workout. And drink some water.

It may be time for me to crawl Back on the Bandwagon.

I mean, you know I’d do anything for all of you and in my heart of hearts, I’m a researcher. But erm…I’m kinda over those chocolate balls for the season and seriously cannot wait to get on a different track. 

 

 

Fear Not the Buying of the Bathing Suit

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I bought a bathing suit yesterday. No, I bought two bathing suits. And, it was one of the most humbling moments I’ve had in a long time.

I’ve been going through some things lately. So, I’m covered in worry, self-doubt, anxiety and…did I mention the worry yet? But, I needed a new suit because mine were all…well…stretched from pregnancy, worn out and just not okay any longer. After a few hours in the pool with my daughter, we both decided it was time to go shopping for a suit. 

If you don’t know Miss P yet, she is the fashionista of all fashionistas. I take her shopping with me and she gives you her opinion, flat-out, no matter what, whenever she has an opinion to give. So, who better to bring to do the dreaded bathing suit shop?

In the past few months, I’ve worked hard to get healthy again. My Hashimoto’s Disease wreaked havoc on me over the summer, as did the copious amount of alcohol and general not giving a flying f**k about nutrition. It landed me about 20lbs heavier than what is healthy for my body. So, I got bloodwork done, revisited my medication, stopped drinking and whaaaaat?…fueled my body with proper nutrition. 

All that to say, I’m feeling better in my skin now. But, bathing suit shopping? Ugh. The lights in there. The sizing. The looking at yourself in a full-length mirror and…assessing…

*shudder*

We got to the store and Miss P went to work. She pulled many suits, quite a few with glitter (not unexpected) and we headed to the change room. 

Now, I never talk poorly about my body in front of my daughter. In fact, I don’t talk about my body at all in front of her. It’s a non-issue when it comes to my opinion about my body when she’s near me. But, in my head, I was filled with dread at the thought of stripping down and putting these damn sparkly suits on.

But…in we went.

Then…magic.

“That one is super fun and silly, Mommy…just like you. You should get that one!”.
“That one is the color of your eyes…all loving and stuff. You should get that one!”.
“That one is…TOO SMALL…bahahahahaha…your butt is hanging out!”.
“Mommy, you’re strong and powerful”.
“That one is sooooooooo pretty, we will have a lot of fun in the pool together with that one”. 

Nothing…not one WORD about my body. Minus the butt comment, but to be fair…it was one of those scrunchy bum bottoms where your ass is literally hanging out. 

But other than that, her comments were about how the suits reflected my personality, how much fun we would have and what she thinks of her Mama. It was totally humbling and I left the change room with two suits in hand and some serious confidence that I’m raising her right. 

Seeing the experience through my daughter’s eyes was incredible. She took any anxiety or self-doubt away and made it all about the experiences we could have in each suit. She created scenarios we plan on carrying out and she focused solely on those scenarios, love, laughter and good times. 

Oh, and because I know you all will ask, here are the suits she decided on, surprisingly no pink OR glitter:

Mamas, don’t talk about your body in front of your little ones. Try really hard not to. Talk about how your body allows you to experience new things, try new things and create memories with your kiddos. It’s an incredible feeling when you realize they’re listening and putting your hard work to good use.

And, if you ever need someone to take you bathing suit shopping, Miss P is mine…you’ll need to find your own. But, I bet your kiddo would love taking you into the change room and telling you all the fun things you two could get up to in different suits. It’s incredible…and I cannot wait to start ticking off the ideas she came up with. 

So go on. Bite the bullet and look at bathing suit shopping as a chance to holiday plan! It’s the weirdest suggestion I think I’ve ever given, but it totally changed the way I think of bathing suit shopping.