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Are We So Independent That Our Friends Are Scared To Tell Us They Support Us?

April 26, 2019 By Lindsay Gee

“Not that you need it, but I want to let you know that you have my full support…”

This was the beginning of a message I recently received from a dear friend and my immediate thought as I read that first sentence was: “I sure do need your support. I need you to shout it from the rooftop. I need you to shout in my face over and over and over again that you support me.”

Why? Because…life is hard. Big decisions are harder. When you’re the person making said big, big, big decision, knowing someone supports you, has your back and believes you is EVERYTHING.

Sure, I don’t need your support, but I sure do want to hear it if you have it to give! GIVE IT UP. Tell me. Tell me you support me. Repeatedly. Like, all day. Tell me all day that you support me.

I’m pretty sure I speak for most people who’ve made a big decision in life. If someone reaches out and supports you, you don’t think “Fuck off, I don’t need your support”. You think “Oh jeez…thank you for telling me”.

If you see someone has made a big decision, don’t just think “well, they don’t need to hear that I support them, they’re a big girl/guy – who am I to give them support?” TELL THEM. Always tell them!

Sure, sure…they’re empowered and strong people. They’re smart and don’t “need” your support, but honestly…speaking as someone who just made a big decision, who agonized over it and jumped and let the world know, who’s strong and independent and super smart (yes, I am)…I definitely don’t “need” support, but sheesh…when you give it – it’s everything. It’s validation and relief. It’s acceptance and love. It’s…there’s no other word…it’s everything. Simple as that.

Your support gives us a little boost of confidence. It makes us feel like maybe, just maybe we’ve done the right thing. When you make a big decision, you’re full of doubt, worry, guilt and all sorts of other gory, self-defeating thoughts…

So yeah…you reaching out to say “Hey friend, I support you” could mean the world to them. Do you hear me? THE WORLD.

It did to me.

Don’t doubt your own power to give confidence. Dole that shit out all the time. Sprinkle your support everywhere. And if someone is offended by your support…give them a hug and a swat on the butt…just to throw them for a loop and move on with your day. You supported in a world where support is rarely given on an individual basis.

So, friend…thank you for supporting me. Most importantly…THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME YOU SUPPORT ME.

Do that. All the time. Support one another. Use your words, my friends, words of support mean more than you could ever know.

Filed Under: A Word About Family, Evolution of Parenting, Healthy Family Tagged With: friendship goals, mental health awareness, mental illness, support

Why Team Sport is One of the Answers to Supporting Kids with Mental Health Issues

March 11, 2019 By Lindsay Gee

I must admit that I am writing this on a high right now. I’m high from the gold medal my son, his team and his coaches won yesterday for his Atom season of hockey. I’m high on pride. I’m high on relief. I’m high on gratitude.

To say this hockey season was difficult for my son and I would be the understatement of the year. I’ve never ever seen someone battle mental illness the way my son did. So many times I wanted him to quit. So many times I begged for him to “please not do this to us today”. So many times I wanted to give up.

But, my son…he wouldn’t let me.

He wouldn’t quit on himself. He wouldn’t quit on his team. He wouldn’t quit on his coaches. He wouldn’t stop because he loves, loves, loves the sport of hockey. He refused to stay home and often times he’d be in the middle of a panic attack outside the dressing room (wracking sobs, hyperventilation, nausea, yelling) and I’d beg him “Why, Owen? Why? This isn’t fun…how is this fun”?

His answer was simple: “I love this game, Mom”.

So, we forged ahead.

This season my son has taught me what true perseverance is.

And yesterday, during the gold medal round that went into an overtime shootout, no one was more surprised than me to see his hand raise repeatedly to step on the ice and take a shot.

From a kid that battled, and I mean BATTLED all year…he wanted to be the center of attention and take a shot? What the actual f—-?!

And this, this is why sport is so important for kids with mental health issues.

Sport was a safe place for my child to battle. He was never judged (or at least not that I saw and I’m a fucking judge beacon just waiting for y’all to judge my son so I can “educate” you on what a warrior he is). He was never made to feel bad because of his panic attacks. He was celebrated when he entered a room. He was part of a team that honoured him for being him.

Sport gave my son a platform to focus on and eventually succeed. Sport allowed my son to be a part of a team and feel supported even when he felt his most lonely. Sport allowed my son to stomp on anxiety and depression if only for a few hours and raise his own trophy of strength and power in the air.

Sport did that.

But…things could have been so different. I must say that the team he played on, from the players themselves, to the parents to the coaches were the most supportive people I’ve met.

I must take this chance to give my most heartfelt thanks, gratitude and respect to his coach, Ian Taylor. I know that having Owen on a team can be a little intimidating. If you don’t know how to work with a child that suffers from anxiety, the panic attacks can look scary and I’m sure it is terrifying to try to understand what he needs.

Ian, through humor, knowledge, fist bumps, quiet chats on the bench and hugs allowed my son the platform he needed to handle what he needed to handle the way he needed to handle it. It is because of Ian that his players didn’t look at Owen differently. It is because of Ian that his players cheered any time Owen entered the dressing room. It is because of Ian that Owen had the confidence to raise his hand and step onto the ice to shoot during the gold medal overtime shootout.

To the parents of Owen’s teammates: thank you. Your kids should be celebrated and please let them know that their support of Owen has made me tear up on more than a few occasions. Please let them know that their unbridled excitement for Owen’s involvement on their team made him feel like a positive teammate and not a burden.

In fact, during the sem-final game, it was two of his teammates that skated up to him as he was having a panic attack on the ice at the boards as soon as he stepped on. It was his teammates that distracted him, told him he could do it and put him to work. It was his teammates that got him playing that game…not his coach, not his Mom…his teammates.

That is why sport is so important. What a foundation we’re building for our kids! If you’ve ever worried about putting your child with anxiety in sport: don’t. It’s hard. Often times it is heart-breaking…but a team sport can help more than hinder, especially if you have a coach and team like we had.

We’ve gone from not being able to get on the ice to, at the gold medal game, Owen walking into the dressing room smiling, joking and telling me to “beat it, Mom”. I can tell you right now it’s because of his coaches (not just Ian – Bruce, Trevor, Jody and Amelia…my utmost respect and gratitude for all you’ve done this entire year for my child) and his incredible teammates that Owen was successful

Here’s a quick glimpse into what Owen loved about his coach and how humor helps in sport:

“Owen and Ian, I’d love a picture of you guys today.”

“Ugh. No Owen, can you please just make a normal face?!”

“Ugh. Ian! Knock it off!”

“No seriously. GUYS! CAN I JUST GET A NICE PHOTO?!”

“Sheesh. Thank you.”

That was how the gold medal game started. Humor, support, love and compassion. That is his coach, 100%.

What a season. I’m not shy about saying I’m truly glad it’s over. It was exhausting and it left my heart and soul bruised more often than not as my son’s support warrior. But, for Owen, this showed him time after time that he could overcome, he could have fun and be free from anxiety.

He could succeed.

And there, my friends is the number one reason your child should be involved in sport. Even if they’d lost…my son won that game because during his final game…anxiety wasn’t present for a second. It was dismissed for the day and replaced with fun and excitement.

Thanks, Juan de Fuca Hockey Association for having such incredible coaches. It is because of the coaches you bring on that my child stepped over his anxiety and reached this level of confidence…and success.

Most importantly, thanks JDF Atom C1 – YOU ALL are the reason hockey still lives in our house and the love of the game still runs rampant through my son’s veins. xo

Filed Under: A Word About Family, Tips & Tricks Tagged With: Childhood anxiety, mental health awareness, minor hockey

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