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The Domino Effect of Deciding to Change

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We all know that change is hard. There are thousands of books written on how to go through the process of making changes for the better. There are thousands of articles on steps you can take to help you through the hard times. But honestly, the hardest thing about change, about pivoting something in your life, is that you have no idea, absolutely no idea if the change will actually be for the better.

I mean, sure, there are some decisions that you’ll make that are pretty dang clear, but I’m not talking about the easy decisions. I’m talking about those major decisions you need to make in this life of yours that change the entire path you’re on. These are the decisions you eventually need to just trust your gut, throw caution to the wind and…decide.

How daunting is that? It’s no wonder many of us sit stuck in a place because we’re too afraid to take even the smallest of steps in one direction. How can you decide something that will forever impact your life if you have no idea if it’s right or wrong?! 

But, at some point, you’ll need to throw your hands up in the air and either pivot or don’t. Make the move or don’t. Change or don’t. 

But, here’s the #1 thing I’ve learned about change:

Change is not just one decision and you’re done.
Change requires thousands of decisions and pivots.

Change starts with one decision and one pivot that dominos to many. It requires a decision to make a move, and that move will then need to pivot, then another pivot, then a pivot to that pivot, followed by an unexpected pivot and then probably 897,00+ more pivots. This is one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned as I’ve made some pretty major decisions in my life. 

Your decision to change, to pivot the way you’ve been leading your life, your business, your job, your relationship, whatever you’re changing doesn’t end with that one decision. That one decision snowballs and apparently, for the most part, most major decisions will impact every aspect of your world. I don’t say this to scare you, I just wish I’d known that when making major decisions I’d need to put on protective gear for all aspects of my life because one major decision has the potential to affect all areas of my life.

And honestly, whether the major decision or change you’re making is in only one area of your life, it’s going to affect that area PLUS all the other areas. Making a big work decision? It’s going to impact your personal life. Making a big personal decision? It’s absolutely going to affect your work life.

Oh Lindsay, stop being so dramatic. 

I know that’s what you’re thinking, but hold on…I’ll show you what I mean.

We’ve recently made a change to how I run my business. We’re testing out a new business model, moving away from franchising and into licensing. Now, this was a MAJOR decision and one I didn’t take lightly. I spent months and months agonizing about the decision. I did my research. I spoke to my mentors. I consulted successful business owners. I read, I researched, I took courses and I finally decided to make a change, to pivot my business.

Here’s what happened:

  1. I pivoted and was instantly filled with self-doubt.
  2. I lost sleep.
  3. I didn’t eat – that’s my stress response.
  4. The people around me panicked (change is hard and when you make a decision that impacts others…they’re going to panic).
  5. I worked like a fiend to prove that I made the right decision.
  6. I pushed my team to work as hard as me.
  7. I upped my exercise regimen because exercise is medicine for me and when stressed, I workout.
  8. I had little time or energy for my friends.
  9. I cocooned.
  10. I got sick.
  11. I worked long hours sacrificing precious family time.
  12. I then had to pivot my pivot and I didn’t see that coming. 
  13. I then had to pivot the pivot I initially pivoted. 
  14. Then all these new changes I made further impacted all the areas of my life and so the cycle repeats.

You see…one decision impacted the mental, social, physical and emotional areas of my life. Completely and totally. And, I still have no idea if I’ve made the right decision. I have to believe I did, but again…one change has led to 897,000 additional pivots (okay, that was a liiiiitle dramatic).

Change is hard. It can affect you physically (sleep, physical activity, food intake, alcohol intake, etc.), emotionally (stress, irritability, all-consuming self-doubt, etc.), socially (all relationships and how you function as a mother, partner, friend, etc.) and mentally (mental sharpness, ability to pay attention, thoughts and ideas, etc.). 

But the best thing I’ve learned about change? Even if you make a mistake, you’re one pivot away from a new direction. You’re just one decision away from redirecting yourself to where you’re meant to go.

Although change is hard and most big decisions will impact every area of your life, don’t stop. You have to continue to pivot. Did our first pilot test of licensing work? Maybe. I didn’t stay long enough in that decision to find out, I pivoted again and again because I listened to my gut. Did I give up? NOPE. I continue to pivot and adjust daily. And I will continue to pivot in this direction until I nail it.

We pivot. We pivoted the pivot. So, no matter what decision you make, whether it was “right” or “wrong”, you will absolutely, 100%, need to re-evaluate and adjust. I wish I’d known that. I wish I’d known that one pivot or decision isn’t enough. 

One decision leads to thousands. One change will lead to thousands of tiny, super significant pivots. 

It’s effing terrifying, isn’t it?! Trust me, as someone going through MULTIPLE changes, I know how you feel. But, the greatest consolation I can give you is that you’re one decision away from righting any mistake you’re about to make. So go on, change. And know that no matter what, whether that one decision you made was a mistake, you’re just one more decision, one more change, one more pivot away from getting on the track you truly desire to be on.

It’s not much of a consolation, is it? But, it’s something.

All this to say: Don’t be afraid of change. Make the decision, change your footing and remember it’s okay to pivot. Give yourself that permission. You’re not going to get it right the first time. But, I have to believe, at some point, I’m truly going to nail this. At which point…I’ll pivot…and make it even better. 

 

Two Questions to Ask Yourself When Baited Into Negativity

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We all have that one friend who is constantly pissed off, angry, mad about something, right? You know, the one that pulls you into conversations about everything that is going wrong in her life and creates a whoa-is-me framework for her days/weeks/months/years.

OR…we’re all part of that online Mom Group that we watch and read posts because you just never know what question will insight a backlash of bitchery and harsh judgment.

OR…we all engage in conversations that we know we shouldn’t be having but it just feels so good to vent and bitch and moan and commiserate. 

I get it. I truly do. But sheesh, it all seems to be getting a little out of hand.

I was online yesterday and I couldn’t go into a group without seeing someone bully someone else about their kids, or see posts about how hard life is or complain about how this went wrong and so-and-so did me wrong…with zero resolutions or ideas on how to make it better. 

And trust me when I tell you that I absolutely understand the allure of participating in the negative, especially if you have a strong opinion. 

But, it just gets to be a bit much. When do we pause and think “whoa…easy tiger…take a breath and really reflect on what you’re saying”. 

I guess I’m simply tired of the negativity I read about, hear about and have land on my shoulders, in my ears and through my eyeballs every single day. I understand that as a leader it is my JOB to continue to forge ahead in the midst of negativity and be a strong role model for positivity and badassery. I can handle that. I truly can. But some days…some…days.

Some days, my lovelies, some days it’s so hard when all you hear is negative, all you read is negative and all you defend is negativity. It makes you feel like this…

It’s hard when you’re inundated with post after post or conversation after conversation on all things negative. The constant thread of negative judgery (it’s a word, beat it) is really freakin’ hard to take. Even if it’s not directed at you. I find even reading posts where there are 252 comments so hard.

And yes, I know I don’t have to read it all, but there’s something addicting to those threads, isn’t there? It’s hard to turn it off. I realize it’s a choice to read those posts and the comments, I get it. I don’t read them any longer…go me! 

And listen, I’m not judging you. I truly am not. I’ve engaged in my fair share of gossiping and negative talk. But lately, I’ve decided I don’t need that in my life. I don’t want that in my life. So, I’ve begun to ask myself two questions when I read something negative or if hear about conversations I could engage in.

Question #1: By engaging, am I helping or hindering to find a way to fix the issue or am I just adding fuel to the fire?

Question #2: Would I engage and say the same words if the person I’m talking about was standing behind me unannounced? 

By asking myself these two questions (which happened a lot the first few days I tried this out), I paused and most definitely decided to hold my tongue and/or choose different words that elicited a different response. Instead of adding fuel to a debate, I have been able to guide conversations away from blame and towards a solution. And that feels DAMN good.

I’ve also removed myself from groups that are riddled with negativity. I have my own stuff going on, why the heck do I need to read about other peoples’ online lives? WHY? To make myself feel better that “at least I’m not living that life”? Yikes. Talk about a bitch move. So, I’ve left numerous groups and have decided to surround myself with positivity.

Oh sure, sure, I still have a tendency to want to get my claws into a good ‘ol whine-fest (not to be confused with wine-fest because I am 100% still in for that!), but by asking myself the above two questions I’ve been able to really reframe my thoughts and, ultimately, my day. I’ve taken much of the negativity away from my day and let me tell you…TRUE BLISS!

I reframe everything now based on these questions. If someone is upset, I don’t get baited into the he-said/she-said conversations any longer. I simply focus on HOW I can help move the conversation from emotional unloading to pro-active steps. 

And, honestly…the best thing I did was remove myself from places that held too much negativity for me. If all you see is post after post of negative…GET OUT. You have enough going on in your life, you do NOT need to engage in issues that are not yours. Focus on. Be kind to you. 

And, although there are days that are still hard and some days it seems like all there is is negativity getting thrown my way, I refuse to back down from looking for solutions and finding positivity. RE-FUSE. Some days it’s exhausting and other days I find women just like me trying to do the same thing (hello franchise owners) and float positivity out there like their lives depend on it. 

Cuz they do. Your happy life depends on your slaying negativity, finding solutions and bringing joy and happiness to your world. That’s on you, my friend. 

So, before you engage in negative conversations, whether verbally or written, ask yourself if your words are helping or hindering the situation. Then, before you speak about someone, make sure you’re confident that you’d respond the same way if who you’re talking about is standing behind you.

It’s that simple. I promise. You can stop the negativity. Maybe not all the time and although it’d be awesome for everyone to jump on the positivity train, that’s just not going to happen. So, you gotta take care of you. You gotta surround yourself and your thoughts with the good. You gotta find solutions to make you happy and cause no harm to others.

That’s the goal. Be a good person. Don’t be a gossipy bully.

Breaking Down to Break Through

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I won’t ever forget the moment when I finally crumbled. I was sitting at this table:

and the question was “So Linds, how’s that all sound”?

I wanted to speak. I wanted to answer, but in my head, for the past 5 minutes I had been mumbling:

“Just keep it together, Lindsay. Keep. It. Together. You’re about to look like a total moron in front of these people. 

If they don’t look at you, you’ll be fine.

F**k. She looked at me. DAMMIT…AND she asked me a question? F************k”.

And, in response to her question…no words left my lips. All I could do was shake my head and feel the tears slide down my face.

It started in the pit of my stomach and spread to every cell of my body. It expanded outward and ended up pouring from my eyes for a solid two days. To some of you, this sounds awful…but to my people…to the people who “get it” you’ll understand that in order for me to grasp my own potential and see my own path, crumbling was not only imminent…it was required.

My experience of surrounding myself with crazy successful, super smart, ridiculously influential and understanding people left me exhausted, depleted, broken down and questioning the very being of who I am and what I want to be. If you think that’s a bad thing…you couldn’t be more wrong if you tried.

Without this “break down”, I wouldn’t have had to lay at the bottom of my life and look at things from a new angle. I wouldn’t have seen the path I now need to take because I was probably standing on the one piece I needed to start, not again, but differently. Without that one foundational piece, I couldn’t forge ahead because I had no idea this path even existed. 

The amazing thing about stripping yourself of all confidence is that if you surround yourself with people who “get you”, who “understand you” and who actually believe in you, the only thing you can do is question your worth, figure out what they see in you, buck up and…build again. With stronger material.

It was at a conference where I was surrounded by people who get millions of pageviews, who earn over 6 figures from blogging and who are so smart it makes me feel like my Ph.D. is worthless (I realize it’s not…so eeeeeeeasy, my protective lovelies) that I broke down, cried. It was also at this conference where I rediscovered my power. It was with these same people that I finally realized “well…what the f**k…wait a minute…I’m also super smart and fun and funny and love my people and…HOLY SHIT…I can also do what I love, make an impact and live my why”. 

And yes, while I’ve been working on my passion for years now, I still question my worth, my value, my ability to achieve. I love what I do with Hot Mama. I love that we make a difference, that we help people love themselves again, that we provide a safe place for family fitness…we change lives. But somewhere along the way, my confidence began to crumble. With each bit of blame placed on my shoulders, my confidence crumbled. With each failure I saw, my confidence crumbled. With every person who’s left me because they didn’t like a decision I made, my confidence crumbled. 

So, there I sat, surrounded by people who work like I do, who know their purpose and who are getting shit done and with 30 eyes on me…I quietly broke. And, while I quietly broke I immediately felt strong and loving arms around me and I felt the energy of these people, people I just met, surround my body and place me back on my feet. I will be forever grateful for the Surge Conference and the people who forced me to finally crumble. I will be grateful for the quiet talk on the beach right after about fighting for your “why”. I will be forever grateful for my roommate whose life is as nuts as mine. I hold close in my heart the stories told, the hurt shared and the love given effortlessly by these strangers who now buoyed me up. I am beyond grateful for the friendships I grew in Mexico because I know they will last my lifetime. 

And, I thank the universe and all its power for forcing me to break down around people who work like I do, who believe in their “why” the way I do and who’ve fought adversity and won. These people aren’t loved by everyone and they’re judged just as I am. And yet…they continue on their paths, fully believing in what they do. Just as I will also now continue on mine. Why? Because we’re driven. We have purpose. And we have people in our corner who get us. 

I hope one day I can help others break down to break through. It’s awful and beautiful and magical and hard. And, I couldn’t have asked for more incredible people to break down with. I’m here if you need me. ANY of you…because growth and seeing your potential is hard. But, with the right people, the right guidance and by surrounding yourself with people who not only “get you” but also ralley around you…well now…that’s f**king empowering. 

I got that. I did that. Watch out, party people…I’m about to break through. 

Photo cred: Boudoir by Chee

Not an Award-Winner But a Winner All The Same

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Dear Hot Mamas,

Many of you have been asking how Hot Mama did at the Small Business BC Awards. Erm, well…if we had won, it would be all over the place, but alas, it wasn’t to be this year. And you know what? That’s a-ok! So, why has it taken me so long to fill you in? 

Your OHM needed time to process. 

We lost.
Did I cry? Yup. I did.
Was I upset that we didn’t win? Nope. Not at all.
Did I feel like I let my team and this community down? Yup. I did.
Do I feel that way now looking back at this experience? No. I don’t.

And that’s why it has taken me a few days to process and fill you all in.

Now don’t go and get all crazy on me, I know I didn’t let you down. But, in the moment, seeing franchise owners fly out to be with me, spending hours getting ready, reading message after message of support…I felt bad not bringing this home to you. I felt bad that I couldn’t give you this award. 

You matter. Our community matters. Hot Mama matters. And I so badly wanted to honor you and all you do. You all go above and beyond when it comes to supporting this Hot Mama community, I truly wanted to win this award for you…to show you that what you do is acknowledged and appreciated. You give money, time, energy and love day in and day out. We fundraise, we love, we support and we empower. YOU have tremendous community impact and I really wanted to celebrate ALL of YOU with this award.

I wanted the media to recognize the work you do, not the work I do…I work behind the scenes…I really wanted attention brought to you and the impact you have on the women you sweat, laugh and burpee beside every week. What we do at Hot Mama isn’t just fitness. We provide a safe place for women to go to be authentically real, to meet other like-minded Mamas and to empower and motivate other women to become a better and healthier version of themselves.

I love that not only do we provide a platform to get healthy, but we genuinely care about one another. Someone gets sick? We stock the freezer with food. Someone gets injured? We help with the kids and housework. Tragedy strikes. We ban together and raise money to help. That’s you, Hot Mamas…that’s all YOU. YOU creating this movement of love and support. YOU creating a place where women can go to cry, celebrate, laugh and/or scream. 

So, I felt bad when I didn’t get to bring the award to you and shower you with love and adoration. Because I do…I love and adore each and every one of you. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. We had an INCREDIBLE time at the gala. It’s sooooooo nice to get fancied up…hair and makeup done…beautiful dresses on. Wine flowing. Music pumping. So. Much. Fun. And jeez…I couldn’t have asked for a better entourage. I had some of my best friends beside me, a few franchise owners who I love and respect, their husbands (because, yes, we have their support too) and an evening filled with joy, love, dancing, a lot of vodka and fun.

But, when we didn’t win? I felt awful. Not because we didn’t win the award, but because I felt I let you down. I’m not sure how many times I said “I’m sorry” throughout the evening…and as the vodka flowed, it happened even more. But…after taking a few days to reflect…I’m still sorry…but I can use this platform here to shower you with my love and adoration.

Hot Mama would be NOTHING without all of you. Nothing. From my franchise owners who believe in our mission so completely they’ve changed their lives paths to help me build community through family fitness. To our incredible Hot Mama clients who are the most loyal women and support their Main Mamas by getting to class and participating, laughing and cheering on one another. To the Minis who love and adore all we do and are learning healthy living from Day 1.

It’s a humbling experience to reflect on defeat and realize that there’s no way we actually lose if we stick to our message. If I continue to find women who love and support and believe in our mission, if I continue to fight for health and wellness on the proper safe and effective platform I’ve been yelling from for years and if I dig in and fight for our kids to get active…I can’t lose.

But I can only win if you’re with me. Beside me. Walking tall and loving what we do. I’ll forge ahead and we’ll make a difference. I know our community impact is extensive. I just needed a few days to wrap my head around it all.

So Hot Mamas, if I had an award I would have handed it over to all of you. But, I don’t. All I have is this incredible feeling of gratitude and support for all we stand for. 

I cannot thank you enough…so for now, I hope these words land in your heart and fill you with love. I will fight for this company and all we stand for until I feel we’ve made the impact we need to make. Day in and day out, I’m here for you. And I absolutely know you’re here for me. 

With love, respect and gratitude,
Your OHM

The Funny Thing About Growing an Empire

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As most of you know, I’m the proud Founder of a company called Hot Mama Health & Fitness. We “build community through family fitness”…meaning we support, empower, inspire and motivate parents to get active and be healthy role models while also providing a space for Mamas to go to get safe and loving support for the ups and downs of Motherhood.

My days are filled with spreadsheets, writing, timelines, troubleshooting, supporting, developing, digging, worrying, pushing, inspiring and sweat. Because yes, I still find the time to workout. I still work from my home office, so I do all of this with my kids interrupting me on the daily (hourly?). And, even when I’m “done work for the day”…it’s literally 5 steps away. (I really cannot wait to get an office outside the home!)

But, here’s the thing: Every now and then, I look up and I look back. Every now and then I need to remind myself that all the effort, the sweat, the frustration, the doubt, the worry and the fear are all worth it. And, it usually comes around this time of year. 

Here’s the funny thing about growing an empire: people you don’t know love what you do even if they don’t know that you’re the one doing it. Now, I know that doesn’t make a lot of sense, so bear with me, I’ll give you a few examples of what I’m talking about…

I started Hot Mama out of my garage…you need to know that so that when I tell you the rest, it might help you understand where I’m coming from. So okay, there I am 5.5 years ago inviting women into my house to destroy it (because…well…kids) while I make them sweat in my garage. All good. Fast forward 5.5 years and here we are…30 franchises strong, 1000’s of women in the Hot Mama community, more asking to join and programs I’ve developed and designed changing lives on the daily.

That’s not the funny part.

Here’s the funny part. Me…walking in a mall past a gorgeous Mama that I don’t know and she’s wearing a Hot Mama hoodie. Me…driving in a city I’ve never been to behind a car that has a “You’re following a Hot Mama” bumper sticker. Me…seeing photos on Facebook of my Hot Mama logo getting placed onto Christmas ornaments and Mamas LOVING it. Me…reading post after post about how our Hot Mama programs have changed and improved lives and inspired families to get active, together. Me…walking into a restaurant and someone asking if I’m the “OHM” and asking for a photo.

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