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Team Mean Mom: Rules & Boundaries Required. Wanna join?

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I’m “so mean, Mom“.

I’m “the worst Mom EVER“.

I’m “so ridiculous, Mom“.

I’m “such a Mean Mom“!

I’m “omg…ugh…whatever, Mom *stomp, stomp, stomp, slam*”.

#TeamMeanMom

And ya know what? I’m proud to be part of Team Mean Mom. I stand tall and wave the Team Mean Mom banner. I wear the colors (really, ir’s just grey sweats with coffee and wine stains, but who are you to judge? I see that booger swiped on your shoulder and I salute you).

What does it mean to be a member of Team Mean Mom?

It means you set boundaries. It means you say “no” to your kids when your kids should be told “no”. It means you cancel plans that your kids were looking forward to because their behavior is/was atrocious and you need them to understand there are consequences to their shitty actions.

Team Mean Mom is a group of Moms (really, it’s just me, but I feel better thinking there’s a team of us out there) who refuse to raise little assholes who have zero respect for…well…respect.

To become a member of Team Mean Mom, you will be hazed. Not be me, I’m not mean to other women, mostly I’m just “mean” to my kids. No, I won’t haze you…but your kids will. 100%. Guaranteed hazing.

I’m part of Team Mean Mom because I enforce rules, and I demand respect. Not only respect for me, but for themselves, for others, for space, for time (mine and others’), for the multitude of things that bring them joy.

Don’t even get me started on all the other “things” that are similar to respect but show up in a list of “isn’t this just good behaviour and isn’t it a given that you should life your life like this”?! Such as:

  • Taking care of their shit.
  • Taking care of one another.
  • Not being little a-holes.
  • Being on time.
  • Being kind to themselves and their friends.
  • Doing their homework.
  • Cleaning their rooms (ties nicely into respecting the stuff we work hard to provide them with).
  • Showing gratitude.
  • Doing chores without complaint.
  • Being proactive and asking how they can help
  • …and many more things we are trying to teach our children.

And hey, listen, I KNOW they’re kids and that they’re learning and testing boundaries. I, 100%, know that. But how the heck are they going to learn those boundaries if we don’t hold them accountable for asshole-like behavioiurs, or even, just general poor decisions or poor time management?

I’m certainly held accountable by them, so why shouldn’t they be held accountable to me?

So, I’m a Mean Mom. I say “no”. I call them out when their behaviour is poor. I let them know if they’ve hurt my feelings. I let them know when they’re total shitheads…but I also tell them why.

I don’t just randomly take things away. I explain to them why they’re losing a privilege. I explain why their behaviour was not okay. I explain why I’m losing my ever-loving mind and that I love them, but they overstepped their awesomeness for the day and I need to reign them in.

It is not often well-received. I’m often eye-rolled and stomped away from. But then, after some time, I’m apologized to and my kids often acknolwedge with their own words what happened and why they will try not to do _______________ (insert shitty behaviour here) again.

And hey…I KNOW they’re going to do it again. That’s okay. They’re learning. I will continue to remind them. I will continue to work with them. I will continue to say “no”, take things away and help my kids grow to be kind, smart, compassionate, driven and amazing children. And I gotta say, it’s mostly because I’m a Mean Mom.

#TeamMeanMom

I’m a part of Team Mean Mom and I hope you’re beside me. Because when I see another “Mean Mom” on the street, in the aisle of the grocery store, at the park, at a sporting event, in a restaurant…you can bet your sweet ass I’m going up to her, giving her a hug and hip bump to let her know that we are stronger as a team.

We may be part of Team Mean Mom, but we’re certainly doing it for all the right reasons.

Stay strong, Mean Moms. I got your back.

Don’t Grieve Growth, It’s Actually Pretty Amazing

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Parenting. Sheesh.

It’s either moving too fast or too slow, isn’t it?!

You think the stage of parenting you’re in is going to be either the best stage EVER or you simply can’t “wait to get through it”. Teething, sleep training, the terrible two’s…so hard and seemingly never-ending. But, it does end, eventually. Some people love each moment and claim that “this age is the absolute best age”. Speaking as a Mom of a 7 and 9-year old, I’ve got to say, I’ve also made those claims. And, while my kids are still young kids, they just keep getting cooler! 

I loved when my kids were babies. I loved the snuggles and the cuddles and the newness of smiles, laughter and them discovering life outside their bodies. I could have done without the teething phase or the phase where we were both frustrated because I didn’t understand him and the language he used. So. Frustrating.

I also realize that I think, maybe, just maybe, I’m in the gravy stage of parenting…

My kids are still young enough to love me and think that I can fix anything. They still dance with me and think I’m beautiful and cool. I’m lucky enough to be their safe place after a hard day (I hope this will always be the case). I also know this stage will end. I’m dreading the days when they won’t talk to me, when they think I’m super lame and when, to be honest, they “hate” me as only teens can. I realize these days will come, but I also have to imagine, there are going to be some pretty cool moments as they grow when I’ll step outside myself and think “Yeah, those are some pretty amazing kids”. 

I was talking to some Moms the other day who were saying they wish they could hit the “pause” button. I remember feeling that, but looking back, I’m so glad there isn’t one. I’ve loved each stage of my kiddos’ growth. But honestly, the one we’re in right now has to be one of the coolest stages yet.

They’re smart and funny and kind. They’re ridiculous, they drive me crazy and they absolutely push my buttons. But, the conversations we have now?! Amazing. The way they make the every day more interesting is a true gift. Even when they have harder times when friends aren’t being friendly and feelings are hurt, it’s all growth, isn’t it? It’s a moment when we can step in and teach or step aside and let them figure it out on their own. 

There are moments of real heartbreak when you see your daughter’s hurt feelings after a difficult “friend day” at school and there are moments of wonder when she works through them on her own because that’s what kids need to do sometimes. These are incredible moments you don’t get to have until your kids are in this stage.

 

I have conversations with my son that I couldn’t have imagined having. About a month ago I said something so blatantly obvious, he looked me and said, “Yeah, no shit, Mom”…you kinda gotta be proud at that moment because his humor is amazing and he effectively spoke like an adult for the first time. Growth. He’s finding his way, his humor and his voice. That is really freaking incredible. 

Growth is daunting. Growth is hard. Watching your children struggle is one of the most difficult things you’ll ever watch. But, to see them work through it and come out on the other side, as loving, kind, funny individuals…yeah…that’s worth the growth. It’s worth the worry and the sleepless nights. It’s worth everything when you see your children grow into the next stage of their lives. 

So Mamas, don’t be afraid of growth. You can mourn the loss of what was, but embrace change and accept your children’s growth as a kudos to yourself and to the way you parent. They wouldn’t be who they are without you. Don’t fret too much. Don’t overanalyze everything that happens to them in their day. Love them. Teach them. Coach them. Respect them. Then step aside and watch them grow.

Don’t press pause…the best days are yet to come.