motherhood Archives - LINDSAYGEE.CA

“Tired” Changes as Our Kids Grow – It’s Not a Competition, We’re All Exhausted

June 29, 2019 By Lindsay Gee

I was talking with a few girlfriends the other day and we were reminiscing about the baby and toddler years. One of my friends said “I wish I knew what tired felt like back then”…and it got me thinking.

We’re all tired. No matter what stage of Motherhood we’re in, we’re all tired. Some days, we’re exhausted. But, comparing fatigue levels and one-upping one another seems a little silly to me.

As I was thinking about my reaction to my friends off-the-cuff remark (she wasn’t trying to stir anything up, it was just a conversation that got me thinking), I questioned why I wanted to defend the Mamas of newborns and little ones.

I realized, it’s not that we’re (the Mamas with bigger kids) more tired than Mamas of newborns, babies and toddlers…it’s simply that tired has changed.

I think until your kids are about five years you, the fatigue and the “tired” is physical. You’ve just either shot a watermelon out your cooch or you’ve been sliced open and your insides became your outsides for a bit, so recovery is tiring.

Then you’re nursing and going through teething and night terrors and growing pains. You’re not sleeping, so you’re still physically tired. You have to carry all the shit around – carseat, diaper bag, BABY, toys, food, bottles, binkies, babas and ALL THE SHIT around – you’re physically tired!

Honestly, the physical tiredness lasts until about five years old. So, new Mamas…you’re in for the long haul and this is one reason why being physically fit is super important! (I will talk about that in another post)

There are a few exceptions to the above, obviously. If your child is ill, or needs extra care or has a disability…your fatigue is different and your tired will be more than physical…I get that. But, for the most part, the tired of Mamas in the first five years of your kiddo’s life is physical.

THEN…YOU GO AND HAVE ANOTHER KID AND START ALL OVER AGAIN.

Sheesh, woman. Keep it in your pants.

Ha!

Moving on…

As our kids grow, I truly believe our tired turns to fatigue of our heart and soul. So, while the tired isn’t necessarily sleepless nights (or it is, but it’s because we’re worrying, not being woken up to “find a missing stuffy” at 2am), the fatigue comes from being a warrior for our kids for years on end.

We constantly have to teach, educate, protect, and stand for our kids. And that, my friends, is exhausting in a different way. No, you don’t have to change diapers in the middle of the night, but you will have to worry about your child’s happiness when they have social issues or they have a learning disability or they (gasp!) have a mental illness.

Your tired will come because you must constantly be the pillar of support for your child and again, while not physically taxing, your poor heart and soul really do some marathons out there.

I guess that is why I harp and harp and harp about taking care of your body (by moving it!), eating well, getting rest when you can and taking time to fill your bucket back up. Motherhood is tiring no matter what stage, so we need to put our health (physical, mental, social, spiritual) at the top of our priority list so that we have the energy required to make it through raising super amazing kids.

New Mamas – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your new baby needs is to be snuggled, fed, changed and loved.

Mamas to babies – hang in there. You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your baby needs is your heart, your smile, your love and your silliness (and the necessities of life, obvi).

Mamas to toddlers – OMG. You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your toddler needs is BOUNDARIES…and your love, support, education and knowledge of how to get on in this world they’re discovering.

Mamas to kids – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your kids need from you is for you to be strong enough to guide them through learning the ways of the world (not much to ask, is it?! Oy.) Be there for them, even on the most tiring days hug them and love them up. Let them know they belong.

Mamas to big kids – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your big kids need to know is that they are loved and adored and they belong in this world with you by their side. Let them feel your joy and your love. On their hard days, hold them closer even as they try to push you away.

Mamas to teens – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know you’re amazing and all your teens need to know is that you are a safe place for them to come and be vulnerable. They need to know they’ll always be loved and adored and belong somewhere…and that somewhere will be with you when they choose to fall into your arms. Try not to be offended when they choose something else, just be there. Breathe. This too shall pass.

Mamas to young adults – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. Know that you’ve raised incredible kids and take a step back to appreciate all you’ve done and all you’ve guided. All your kids need to know is that there is always a loving and safe place for them to come home to. Arms open, Mama…even on the exhausting days.

Mamas to adults – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. Take a breath. Rest when you can. All your kids need to know at this point is that you’re proud of them, that they are loved and that you remain a safe place for them to come home and be their authentically true and vulnerable selves. You’ve given this gift their entire lives, keep at it. You did a good job, Mama. A very good job.

To ALL the Mamas – You’re tired. I hear you and I feel you. I choose to not compete with you but to align myself with you and support and love you up. I choose to dole out what energy I have left after I’ve given it all to my kids and support you in any way, shape or form I can. I feel you, Mama. We will get through all of this and at the end of it…we will have amazing kids to show for it.

I just hope we can stay awake to appreciate it. xo

Don’t Grieve Growth, It’s Actually Pretty Amazing

April 4, 2018 By Lindsay Gee

Parenting. Sheesh.

It’s either moving too fast or too slow, isn’t it?!

You think the stage of parenting you’re in is going to be either the best stage EVER or you simply can’t “wait to get through it”. Teething, sleep training, the terrible two’s…so hard and seemingly never-ending. But, it does end, eventually. Some people love each moment and claim that “this age is the absolute best age”. Speaking as a Mom of a 7 and 9-year old, I’ve got to say, I’ve also made those claims. And, while my kids are still young kids, they just keep getting cooler!

I loved when my kids were babies. I loved the snuggles and the cuddles and the newness of smiles, laughter and them discovering life outside their bodies. I could have done without the teething phase or the phase where we were both frustrated because I didn’t understand him and the language he used. So. Frustrating.

I also realize that I think, maybe, just maybe, I’m in the gravy stage of parenting…

My kids are still young enough to love me and think that I can fix anything. They still dance with me and think I’m beautiful and cool. I’m lucky enough to be their safe place after a hard day (I hope this will always be the case). I also know this stage will end. I’m dreading the days when they won’t talk to me, when they think I’m super lame and when, to be honest, they “hate” me as only teens can. I realize these days will come, but I also have to imagine, there are going to be some pretty cool moments as they grow when I’ll step outside myself and think “Yeah, those are some pretty amazing kids”.

I was talking to some Moms the other day who were saying they wish they could hit the “pause” button. I remember feeling that, but looking back, I’m so glad there isn’t one. I’ve loved each stage of my kiddos’ growth. But honestly, the one we’re in right now has to be one of the coolest stages yet.

They’re smart and funny and kind. They’re ridiculous, they drive me crazy and they absolutely push my buttons. But, the conversations we have now?! Amazing. The way they make the every day more interesting is a true gift. Even when they have harder times when friends aren’t being friendly and feelings are hurt, it’s all growth, isn’t it? It’s a moment when we can step in and teach or step aside and let them figure it out on their own.

There are moments of real heartbreak when you see your daughter’s hurt feelings after a difficult “friend day” at school and there are moments of wonder when she works through them on her own because that’s what kids need to do sometimes. These are incredible moments you don’t get to have until your kids are in this stage.

I have conversations with my son that I couldn’t have imagined having. About a month ago I said something so blatantly obvious, he looked me and said, “Yeah, no shit, Mom”…you kinda gotta be proud at that moment because his humor is amazing and he effectively spoke like an adult for the first time. Growth. He’s finding his way, his humor and his voice. That is really freaking incredible.

Growth is daunting. Growth is hard. Watching your children struggle is one of the most difficult things you’ll ever watch. But, to see them work through it and come out on the other side, as loving, kind, funny individuals…yeah…that’s worth the growth. It’s worth the worry and the sleepless nights. It’s worth everything when you see your children grow into the next stage of their lives.

So Mamas, don’t be afraid of growth. You can mourn the loss of what was, but embrace change and accept your children’s growth as a kudos to yourself and to the way you parent. They wouldn’t be who they are without you. Don’t fret too much. Don’t overanalyze everything that happens to them in their day. Love them. Teach them. Coach them. Respect them. Then step aside and watch them grow.

Don’t press pause…the best days are yet to come.

Disconnecting To Become a Better Mama

May 2, 2017 By Lindsay Gee

I was recently on holiday with my family and, while I’m absolutely attached to my phone because of what I do, it’s the ONE week every year where I go completely radio silent. I don’t log in to Facebook, I don’t check emails, I don’t go anywhere near a computer. And, it’s freakin’ glorious. My phone explodes and overheats the moment I turn it on after the week, but hey…it’s so worth it.

This year was no different. As my friend drove us to the airport, I sat in the back with my kiddos and I had my son push the little airplane button on my phone and just like that, I disconnected. Well, not exactly. I had to turn it back on and do it again so my daughter could also push the button. They love that part. It’s the moment they know I’m going to be with them, really with them, for the entire week. They actually cheer. And then I feel like a jerk because I know how much I’m attached to my phone because of work and random scrolling and I know it affects them.

Why do I even bring my phone on this week-long zero-connectivity holiday? Simple. I like the camera. Seriously. It’s a really good camera.

I get asked all the time if I sneak off during the holidays to go online and “quickly” check on things. The honest and sharp answer is “NO”. No freakin’ way. There is no “quickly” check on things when you own a company as there will ALWAYS be something urgent going on. Always.

I have zero desire to go online when I’m on this holiday. It’s my one week every year where I get to just forget it all. I’m just Lindsay, Mom and wife. Nothing else. And those roles, those are the most important roles I have. Don’t get me wrong, being the OHM is amazing, being a friend to many is humbling, being a daughter is the best…but being me, Mom and Wife? Yeah…that’s where I really shine.

We had a fabulous holiday this year. Really fabulous. But, the point of this article isn’t about how amazing the nachos, drinks, pools and ocean were. No, this is about what happened when we returned.

We got home, I turned my phone on in the airport and…it exploded for about 10 minutes loading everything. And, since then, I’ve been connected and working like a fiend since. It’s like our holiday never happened. And, that is where I need to make a change.

I was watching a movie with my son the other night, and by watching a movie, I mean that he was watching and I was randomly scrolling through Facebook. Not even “working” just randomly scrolling, checking on my franchise owners’ pages and groups, liking posts, commenting when I could, etc. My son turned to me and said “Mom, it’s like you’re not even here”.

Shoot. Dangit. Frig. DAMMIT.

He was right. Just sitting next to him isn’t being present. Just being there with him isn’t enough. This isn’t an incredible A-HA moment for most of you and it wasn’t really for me…what was the A-HA moment was looking into his eyes and seeing how honest and sincere…and lonely he was. And I was right there. But, I wasn’t. I wasn’t present.

So, I decided to do something about it. Now, I own a fairly large company and it’s getting busier every day. So, disconnecting for weeks at a time is impossible. I even tried cutting off electronics for certain times of the day. BUT…again, I work in a very consumer-driven company and I’m a startup, so right now, I just can’t do that.

What can I do? I’ve decided I can do mini-disconnects. I can commit to one weekend per month of complete disconnect. Yes, I’m going to have to schedule it. Yes, I’m going to have to plan it and organize with my team. But, it can happen. My son and daughter will get to pick the weekend and they’ll get to push the airplane on my phone on Friday night at 4pm and I’ll push it again on Monday morning at 5am to reconnect.

That’s my plan. The best part? My son is BEYOND excited. When I asked him what he thought of my idea the biggest and most beautiful smile fell on his face. And, although for a lot of you reading this, this doesn’t seem like much, disconnecting for one weekend every month, for me…it’s a biggie. And, I’m committing to it. This is going to happen and I cannot wait to share with you how our monthly disconnects go.

Hopefully I’ll see a whole lot of this smile…

Will you join me in disconnecting? It’s going to be great. I just know it.

The True Gift of Childhood Adoration

March 2, 2017 By Lindsay Gee

Her name is Sam. If you ask my daughter she is the most beautiful girl in the whole wide world. She has brown hair, bright red lipstick…and my daughter fell madly in love with her new “sister” from the moment she saw her dance.

Perhaps I need to tell this story from the very beginning…

Two years ago my kids and a friend of mine and her daughter went on an Alaskan Cruise with Norwegian Cruise Lines. This was our second cruise together and we absolutely love them. The kids’ clubs, the food, the pools, the scenery…it’s really quite amazing. If you haven’t been, you should! And no, I don’t get paid to say that. There are also performances by the dance crew and that was where my daughter first saw the magic that is Sam. She gravitated to Sam on stage and when she had the opportunity to meet her, she was all smiles, hugs and obvious adoration.

Before we left for the cruise, my daughter had to decide if she wanted to even go this year, because by doing so she would miss her first ever dance recital. I said we could bring her costume and she could do a private recital for us on the ship. She agreed and thought that was a great idea.

After meeting Sam, she was bound and determined to invite Sam to watch her recital. She drew a picture invitation (she was 4 at the time) and we dropped the invitation off at customer service, just hoping that it would find its way to Sam. I prepped Miss P that the dancers were very busy and that we weren’t even sure if Sam would be able to make it with her busy work schedule. I was fully prepared for tears and disappointment.

The evening of her recital came and just as we were about to start, Miss P gave a little squeal and I turned around to see the beautiful Sam and her then fiance (now gorgeous husband) Brian coming to watch my daughter perform. It is kind people like Sam & Brian who help me believe that there is goodness and kindness all around. Sam watched Miss P dance, she taught her a few moves and loved and hugged her up. These are moments of pure joy that my daughter got to experience because of someone else and I will never, ever forget them.

Even better? Miss P received her own drawing invitation from Sam on our cabin door inviting her to the final performance on the Norwegian Pearl. Miss P made it quite well known to Sam that she was there by standing on her chair a few times and waving her big Miss P waves.

We managed to keep in touch with Sam while she finished her contract with Norwegian and we even got to meet up with Sam & Brian in Victoria on their last port visit before they left the ship to get married. Again, I won’t forget the moments Sam shared with us, as magic simply surrounds my daughter and Sam when they’re together.

Fast forward two years and here we are. I recently got a message from Sam about filming a short video about customer service and making connections between the staff and the cruise-goers. And, of course, they wanted to do a story on Miss P and Sam. The best part? They decided to fly Sam out to surprise Miss P and spend the day with her.

The day of the shoot came and Miss P was a bundle of nerves. It’s absolutely nerve-wracking as an adult to sit on a stool in the middle of a room with a mic on, lights glaring and video cameras pointing, nevermind being a 6-year old. But Miss P handled it all A-OK. We had told her that Sam would video call us and that at least she’d get to see her and talk to her on video. She kept saying “I really wish she was here, Mama. Wouldn’t it be so fun if she was here?”.

Then, the doorbell rang and Miss P went running to the door, as she always does. I followed behind. She opened the door. Then turned to me and whispered, “She’s here.”. And with those two words, my heart exploded and joy filled my soul from the happiness Sam had once again brought to my daughter. Sam and Miss P spent all day together. The picked rocks at the beach, they jumped on the trampoline, they watched the Trolls movie and Sam even got dragged to Miss P’s swimming lessons. All of this in an 8-hour day.

So, why do I tell you all of this? Because, for me, I wanted to capture these moments for my daughter. I want to teach her that kindness can lead to many wonderful experiences and going above and beyond for someone can change their lives. I’m not sure Sam has any idea of the impact she had not only on my daughter, but on me. There was the opportunity to be “too busy” to come to the recital or meet us in Victoria, but kindness won. And for that, I am beyond grateful.

Sam, you are magic and wonder and absolute love. Not only through the eyes of my daughter, by through my eyes and with all my heart. The two of you have a special connection and there’s no one I’m more privileged to share my daughter’s adoration with than you.

I will remember the cruise on the Norwegian Pearl for all my life, because it taught me the power of kindness, of going above and beyond. It made me believe in the magic of childhood adoration and all the possibilities it holds.

Thank you, Sam. With all I am, thank you.

The Ultimate Reset: Hot Mama’s Yoga/Surf Retreat 2016

October 24, 2016 By Lindsay Gee

Every year I plan a weekend away for our Hot Mamas in Tofino, BC. It’s our annual Yoga/Surf Retreat and 2016 was our 4th time out. We seem to do a better and better job of planning the retreat with every year and this year I came away from the event with no question as to whether the Mamas had a good time or not. Their smiles, sighs, grunts and energy spoke volumes all weekend.

Getting to the weekend, however, was no small feat. It seemed that with every step I took, something was trying to pull me away from actually being able to go. The weekend had been planned for months, but the week before an event is…well…just a bit hectic. Checking, double-checking, triple-checking hotels, activities, workouts, travel, gifts, etc…it’s a lot. On top of that, my husband had surgery a week before we left. And, not a small surgery, a pretty major one. Recovery didn’t go as smoothly as we’d hoped and he spent 5 extra days in the hospital. My house was hit by a demon flu that took us all down (except my daughter who apparently has iron guts). But no matter…I forged ahead. I will overcome. Then our fish died. I’m not kidding…really universe? REALLY?

Oh…and the Friday we were to leave was a Pro-D day! What the heck?! Kids at home, too?! With a husband just out of the hospital?! GAH! Okay…quick mad scramble to get the kids taken care of so my husband (who got home from the hospital the night before) could rest for the day (thank you to my amazing neighborhood friends!) and playdates organized as much as possible for the weekend so he can rest. Phew. Okay. I’m gonna make it!

When you organize an event, the night before you leave is always ridiculous. Little things pop up and apparently if you’re me, you decide it would be a really nice extra treat to make 4 batches of homemade Larabars to add to the gift bags because…well…a personal touch goes a long way. And, I needed to make them super peanut buttery and chocolatey because one of the Mamas coming can’t have peanut butter at home because of allergies and she LOVES peanut butter. So…that’ll be a super nice treat!

Midnight before the event and I’m madly organizing gift bags and wine because there should always be gifts upon arrival to a weekend away for Mamas who never take time for themselves! I had #hotmamastrong hand-stamped silver bracelets, Hot Mama tanks, pink and black gloves, the damn homemade Larabars, peanut butter cups (obviously) and of course, a bottle of wine. YAY!

The morning of departure: all organized and ready to go! Phew! We were Tofino-bound. In a torrential downpour. But…we made it. And when we got to Tofino, the skies cleared, the air warmed and it was a gorgeous afternoon.

25 Hot Mamas began their weekend with a workout on the beach. The sun was shining, the Mamas were swearing and my heart was filling. You see…I love teaching. It is what I’m meant to do in this world. When I teach, my soul sings. During that first workout, I found me again. There is just something about women, sand, burpees and sweat that fills me up. The energy these women brought to their weekend away was incredible. Everyone was ready to let go of everything at home and just experience the weekend. And what a gift to give yourself!

After that first workout was free time, dinner and then our first of three yoga classes. Our yoga instructor, Andrea Ting-Letts, is magic. There is no other word for her. The light around her, the energy she gives out, the positivity she radiates…you can’t do anything but embrace and love her and her yoga practice. It was delicious. All three classes were delicious. First class was an hour long guided stretch…with wine. Yes, we all brought wine to class. Second class was scheduled for after surfing and was an “Assisted Nap” and was possibly the most luxurious hour of the weekend. Our final yoga class was (early) Sunday morning and energized us for the rest of our day. See? Andrea is magic.

Alright…back to the play by play. On Saturday we started our day with a workout…because what better way to start a day?! And then it was breakfast (read bacon) and then surf time!

I loooooove surfing. Now, I’m not great at it, but if you were to ask me what my favorite moments are during this weekend I will always, ALWAYS say it is looking around at all the women surfing and seeing nothing but smiles. Seriously. Big, huge, white, amazing, brilliant, beautiful smiles. Everyone. Every. Single. Person. Now that energy? That’s amazing. We have lessons with Surf Sisters, an amazing company in Tofino that I would highly recommend for your surf lessons. And, although it was a little chilly (read really friggin’ cold) while we got the lesson, once we hit the water it was nothin’ but laughter, smiles, effort and joy.

Small shout-out to one of our Mamas who is quite fearful of the water…and ROCKED her surfing. Putting yourself outside your comfort zone and kicking fear in the face? Well…that deserves a massive amount of pride…I hope you cover yourself in that pride for months to come.

There’s also something so therapeutic about the ocean. I’m not sure whether it’s the waves and it’s power literally kicking the s**t out of you for hours on end, or if it’s the physical effort involved, but when you finish surfing, you seem to feel “cleansed”. All the troubles, all the worries, all the angst gets washed away. It’s so awesome.

The rest of the weekend is a blur of wine, walks on the beach, lazy hours staring at the ocean, silly conversations with incredible friends, yoga practice, delicious dinner (minus the jello dessert…what the f**k was that?!), sparklers, hotel room shenanigans (not the dirty kind…jeez!), dancing (for some) and a lot of laughter and love (for all). Le sigh. Perfection.

We finished our weekend away Paddleboarding with Pacific Surf Company. The lesson they provided was great and got us out and on our boards quickly. Now, it was a little “swelly” out there and some of our Mamas just weren’t feeling it. I’ll recommend that you try paddleboarding on a lake in the future because there really is something exquisite about being on the board. The rest of us, well…we got out there and paddled around on the big ocean blue. Rainbows came out to play, the sun beamed down on us and the magic of the ocean was once again brought to us. Thank you, universe. Mad respect.

And then…it was over. Just like that, the weekend was over and it was time to get back to reality. My hope is that all of the Hot Mamas who joined us for our weekend away in Tofino had a magical time. I hope that you have memories that you will laugh about for years to come. I hope that you took the time you deserve to sink into yourself and honor all you do and all you are. I hope that you slept. I hope that you got to rest. I hope you laughed and loved and cheered and honored one another.

Most of all, I hope this weekend was a reset for you. I hope that you feel rested and energized and ready to conquer anything and everything you want to conquer. Thank you. To all of you who were a part of this past weekend, thank you. Your energy, love and humor have brought me back to me and I am so grateful. I hope to see you next year…because oh yeah…you bet your sweet buns there will be a next year! Bigger and better than ever before!

See you there?!