I know, I know…I’m supposed to embrace my age. I’m supposed to celebrate every year, every wrinkle, my droopy boobs and my age spots. Well, you know what?! I don’t want to. I just don’t. There are things about getting older that really kinda suck.
Sure, I’m still alive and that’s amaaaaazing, the alternative is terrible. I have a good life. I loooooove my work, my kids, my friends and my family. I love everything about what’s been going on. And yes, everything I’ve experienced has brought me to this place in my life. But you know what? There are things that all you 20-somethings don’t know and I’m about to shed some light on what you should be taking advantage of now.
Freedom. Let’s talk freedom, shall we? To put it bluntly, it goes away as you get older (I’m told you get it back, but I’m not there yet…the circle of life and all that). Currently, at 38, it’s gone. Really and truly, gone. Good-bye. Signora. Au revoir. Gone. Afternoon walks with your girlfriends down by the beach with your delicious calorie-dense coffee? Gone. Impromptu nights out? Gone. You’ll need to plan at least 3 months in advance to schedule, yes schedule a night out with your girlfriends. Trust me. Three months, minimum. Wanna spend the afternoon floating on a lake with your gals and some bevies? Keep dreaming.
Blessed, blessed alcohol. You know how you can currently drink 12 shots, all the vodka slimes in the world and a bottle of wine…and get up and go for a run in the morning? Yeah no. That goes away, too. The reality is, as you get older, even one glass of wine drags you down. Gasp. What? Again, not kidding. One glass of wine and you’ll have a crummy sleep and wake up feeling groggy and hungover. If you DO actually manage to schedule a girls night, I have three words for you: three-day hangover. I’m not exaggerating. Day 1 is hell. Day 2 is mid-grade hell. And day 3 is what your current hangovers feel like. Remember, coffee is good. So good. So very good.
Now, let’s talk metabolism and getting older. Enjoy the nachos, burgers, booze, chocolate and candy now. Eat it. Willy nilly. Do it while you can. Because as I stare 40 in the face, if I so much as think about a peanut butter cup my thighs seem to sigh and expand with simple anticipation. What used to take me a week to lose 5lbs now takes me a month.
There will be an age when you notice your metabolism change. For most, it happens in your early 30’s. For me, it was age 32. I know exactly when it changed because that was the age I realized I couldn’t just “think” my way into a flat belly. So, I’ve been changing my workouts to combat the slow-down ever since. It’s possible, it just takes some knowledge of what to do. For now, all you calorie-burning little fireballs…enjoy it. Burn while you can. Cuz your 30’s are about to put that little fire out.
Just a couple more things to tell you about, I mean, I could write a book, but these will do for now.
This one a struggle with. When you get older you start to look, well older. Does anyone else catch a glimpse at themselves in the mirror and jump? I mean, who is that haggard, tired, old woman. OMG…that’s me.
I need a facial. But there’s no time. You’ll start thinking that maybe botox wouldn’t be so bad and having a forehead that doesn’t move could be okay. You’ll start pulling your face back at the hairline to pull your eyes up and de-wrinkle your face just so you can see the younger version of you. You’ll drink a ton of water because…well…it’s supposed to help with wrinkles (it does, but not to the extent that you need!).
Oh yes, all you porcelain-skinned non-wrinkled cherubs…enjoy it. Because gravity is a real bitch and she’s going to wreak havoc on you. Face, boobs, belly and all. HAVOC.
Now listen, getting older isn’t all bad. I mean, physically it’s mostly bad. Your metabolism will slow way down, joints hurt and it’ll take longer to recover from your workouts. You’ll crack and creak and to be honest, at some point, you’ll probably injure yourself doing something as simple as jumping off a ledge.
Now, where was I…
I was about to forget to mention one last kinda terrible thing about getting older: PMS gets out of control. You think you’re emotional now? Wait for it. I’m sure there is a well-documented hormone shift that I could research, but I’m tired, so I won’t. Let me just let you know that the irritability and length of PMS as you get older seems to quadruple. Best to just stay in your room in the dark with wine when this happens.
It’s best for everyone if you just stay away for the week of PMS you’ll go through. Yes. Week. Of. PMS.
Honestly, there are great things about getting older. Really great things. For the life of me, I can’t think of them at the moment (you also start forgetting things). So, just go enjoy your youth. Take advantage of it! LIVE! Be free! Don’t question everything, just go along for the ride.
Life changes and age happens. And thankfully so. But all you young-uns out there…it’s not all awesome. Be forewarned. It takes time to recover, from everything, as you get older.
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