We all have that one friend who is constantly pissed off, angry, mad about something, right? You know, the one that pulls you into conversations about everything that is going wrong in her life and creates a whoa-is-me framework for her days/weeks/months/years.
OR…we’re all part of that online Mom Group that we watch and read posts because you just never know what question will insight a backlash of bitchery and harsh judgment.
OR…we all engage in conversations that we know we shouldn’t be having but it just feels so good to vent and bitch and moan and commiserate.
I get it. I truly do. But sheesh, it all seems to be getting a little out of hand.
I was online yesterday and I couldn’t go into a group without seeing someone bully someone else about their kids, or see posts about how hard life is or complain about how this went wrong and so-and-so did me wrong…with zero resolutions or ideas on how to make it better.
And trust me when I tell you that I absolutely understand the allure of participating in the negative, especially if you have a strong opinion.
But, it just gets to be a bit much. When do we pause and think “whoa…easy tiger…take a breath and really reflect on what you’re saying”.
I guess I’m simply tired of the negativity I read about, hear about and have land on my shoulders, in my ears and through my eyeballs every single day. I understand that as a leader it is my JOB to continue to forge ahead in the midst of negativity and be a strong role model for positivity and badassery. I can handle that. I truly can. But some days…some…days.
Some days, my lovelies, some days it’s so hard when all you hear is negative, all you read is negative and all you defend is negativity. It makes you feel like this…
It’s hard when you’re inundated with post after post or conversation after conversation on all things negative. The constant thread of negative judgery (it’s a word, beat it) is really freakin’ hard to take. Even if it’s not directed at you. I find even reading posts where there are 252 comments so hard.
And yes, I know I don’t have to read it all, but there’s something addicting to those threads, isn’t there? It’s hard to turn it off. I realize it’s a choice to read those posts and the comments, I get it. I don’t read them any longer…go me!
And listen, I’m not judging you. I truly am not. I’ve engaged in my fair share of gossiping and negative talk. But lately, I’ve decided I don’t need that in my life. I don’t want that in my life. So, I’ve begun to ask myself two questions when I read something negative or if hear about conversations I could engage in.
Question #1: By engaging, am I helping or hindering to find a way to fix the issue or am I just adding fuel to the fire?
Question #2: Would I engage and say the same words if the person I’m talking about was standing behind me unannounced?
By asking myself these two questions (which happened a lot the first few days I tried this out), I paused and most definitely decided to hold my tongue and/or choose different words that elicited a different response. Instead of adding fuel to a debate, I have been able to guide conversations away from blame and towards a solution. And that feels DAMN good.
I’ve also removed myself from groups that are riddled with negativity. I have my own stuff going on, why the heck do I need to read about other peoples’ online lives? WHY? To make myself feel better that “at least I’m not living that life”? Yikes. Talk about a bitch move. So, I’ve left numerous groups and have decided to surround myself with positivity.
Oh sure, sure, I still have a tendency to want to get my claws into a good ‘ol whine-fest (not to be confused with wine-fest because I am 100% still in for that!), but by asking myself the above two questions I’ve been able to really reframe my thoughts and, ultimately, my day. I’ve taken much of the negativity away from my day and let me tell you…TRUE BLISS!
I reframe everything now based on these questions. If someone is upset, I don’t get baited into the he-said/she-said conversations any longer. I simply focus on HOW I can help move the conversation from emotional unloading to pro-active steps.
And, honestly…the best thing I did was remove myself from places that held too much negativity for me. If all you see is post after post of negative…GET OUT. You have enough going on in your life, you do NOT need to engage in issues that are not yours. Focus on. Be kind to you.
And, although there are days that are still hard and some days it seems like all there is is negativity getting thrown my way, I refuse to back down from looking for solutions and finding positivity. RE-FUSE. Some days it’s exhausting and other days I find women just like me trying to do the same thing (hello franchise owners) and float positivity out there like their lives depend on it.
Cuz they do. Your happy life depends on your slaying negativity, finding solutions and bringing joy and happiness to your world. That’s on you, my friend.
So, before you engage in negative conversations, whether verbally or written, ask yourself if your words are helping or hindering the situation. Then, before you speak about someone, make sure you’re confident that you’d respond the same way if who you’re talking about is standing behind you.
It’s that simple. I promise. You can stop the negativity. Maybe not all the time and although it’d be awesome for everyone to jump on the positivity train, that’s just not going to happen. So, you gotta take care of you. You gotta surround yourself and your thoughts with the good. You gotta find solutions to make you happy and cause no harm to others.
That’s the goal. Be a good person. Don’t be a gossipy bully.